As this Garden Blog Site Ages, So Too Do I

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The last few months have been ones of personal and professional growth. When this blog began 16 years ago, it was created to connect with the outside world when I was living the life of a shut-in with a cruel medical condition. Unable to work, and barely able to get by financially, it was attention-seeking at times. I needed help, but I’m grateful I wrote here because I met wonderful folks who I’m still close to today.

But since then—especially in the last year—I feel as though things have sped up dramatically as I’ve entered more deeply into the professional world of horticulture. Social Media is not my thing and I know it as Social Marketing more and more now. Yes, I’m late to this realization, but hey, I had other concerns like not having anaphylactic shock and being a skilled caregiver to myself. As I find closure for what I lived through, and better accept who I became (both good and bad), the many layers of my current life continue to topple in on me concurrently as I sort it all out.

It’s time to create my own life—with intent.

When I started this blog, many around me were driven to “get out there” to “be heard” and as the naive dreamer I still am today, when I heard that, some part of me genuinely thought that meant it was about writing—but rarely was that the case. It has almost always been about marketing and readership numbers, selling brands, fads, ads, products and content. I was silly to think otherwise, and it is worse now with all of the never-ending videos.

Of course we all have to make money. Duh.

And in the last year, as I’ve been hired to speak more, I’ve had to think a lot about my own content—and intent. What is it that I do? How do others see me? What is their takeaway as a member of the audience? Am I comfortable? And if not, what can I do to make it better? Who do I want to be?

This has meant better embracing and emphasizing my entertaining and honest characteristics—but I’ve had to reflect a lot upon my message. What do I want to say? What do I want to learn more about?

I’m not selling anything other than my enthusiasm and life experiences at this point. That makes me happy though, and I’ve had to sort through that. I AM a gardening personality and professional horticulturist and that makes me really happy right now. It’s been good just to rest in that.

But what am I proficient in when it comes to gardening and horticulture? In the last few months I’ve finally nailed that down. It’s NOT just what I know, it IS my enthusiasm for the subject. Luckily, I do know a lot about growing crops as a professional, and how plants end up in the marketplace. I am also enthusiastic about the community of horticulturists I’ve surrounded myself with—this is my blue collar dream of sorts. Funny I never knew I had one, but I do care a lot about different aspects of the industry—especially small businesses. We all now have access to information at our fingertips, too much so, and while we need help with some problem-solving, many of us still are just trying to connect and to feel a sense of place and belonging.

As a speaker, I want you to feel like you’re part of something bigger, something that matters, and that won’t speak down to you or make you feel like less. I’m part of the natural world, and so are you, and so is everyone. Money and status will not make you MORE connected to that which you already belong to…nature does NOT care about experts and their expertise. There is no ownership of anything in the natural world other than your own life experience.

Many people will sell expertise though, and for some things, that’s great! I’m just not that person though, and I believe we all have a stake and ownership in this place we call home. I don’t think that message comes across often enough though. It’s my enthusiasm that saved my own life and got me through unbearable circumstances. I’m happy to share that with others, and am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had.

Turns out I’m heard a lot more than I realized—and I’m only learning now how to appreciate it. The people who work behind the scenes, both in leadership and labor, read my posts—more than I’d been aware. My realization over the years that I’m not a garden designer, or a landscape architect, and that I can openly express that I don’t have an interest in the privilege or lifestyle of elite gardening has been a freeing experience. I cannot afford that way of seeing or being, and my raison d’être is to explore and travel my own way, and on my own terms. I’m not fundraising, and I’m not seeking clients. I’m only able to travel thanks to airline miles I gather while shopping for everyday items, because of cheap motels/hotels where I often share beds with my friends who split the cost of gas. Sometimes I sleep on floors, or blowup mattresses like I did recently in Philadelphia. If I’m ever offered a guest bed in a private room that’s manna from heaven—unless your home is heavily scented with fragrances and I struggle to breathe all night.

For me, my best plant trips are always roadtrips where I’m free to roam on my own, to explore historic gardens, country roads, and open ditches. I will never be able to afford one of the fancy trips to Europe so often advertised by local, regional, and national garden groups—not unless I’m paid to be a guide. But how can someone like me do so while doing what I do? So instead, I focus on what I CAN do, and what I CAN afford, and whether my acquaintances who run these kinds of groups realize it or not, that’s how you lose someone like me from your organization. There are A LOT of folks like me too. I think maybe y’all should start a different group or a travel agency. I’m here for the plants and it hurts to be reminded regularly that I cannot afford things. I don’t want to pay annual dues for that, and prefer to stick with plant societies where I can really nerd out.

So it’s funny to finally realize this, but my way of being with plants is actually more accessible in its lack of glamour than I had realized. I’ve come to embrace this fact, that I’m not an example of a privileged life in the garden, and that what I do, and what I have, is attainable. I don’t want to be exclusive, and I find time and time again, that exclusivity harms others. My message has always been, and will continue to be, DON’T HARM OTHERS, WELCOME OTHERS WHO ARE NOT LIKE YOU, GIVE OF YOURSELF, MAKE YOURSELF UNCOMFORTABLE, and DON’T TALK SH*T. (I know. The ancient Greeks would be really proud of that last one.)

I’d rather spend my days inspiring than aspiring. Even if I only inspire myself enough just to get up the next day to keep going, that is enough.

The world of “Garden Information” is likely not changing as much as I feel it is, but from where I sit, it feels like it. For decades we enjoyed a wide availability of many special things, and it’s funny how I find myself missing unusual perennials that were once more easily found where I live. Quirky little backwater nurseries are fewer and fewer as land becomes more expensive. If I hadn’t become so ill, it’s clear to my family and I that I would have started a nursery back in the 1990s, but that is not going to happen now that I’m just about 50, and have decided to work for others.

It was nice having others move to this region, finding more affordable land, growing was their passion, many of us learned so much, and communities were created to share knowledge, some great books were written, but now it’s a global thing. I find more and more people speaking about global plant issues, but that too is not accessible to many.

I feel like this a big shift in garden information, as has been the ongoing disagreements between various scientists, botanists, ecologists, designers, influencers and horticulturists. If you want to find the hotbed, this is where to look. It’s all about information, and how it is controlled. This is storytelling in the Age of Misinformation, and it has to be wrestled through match by match.

With the internet, there is easier access, and a ready audience. I think overall, I’ve met many scientists who do not appreciate how others outside of the scientific world reinterpret their studies and findings in non-scientific ways. We all have biases though, so when a designer or landscape architect is using these things to sell clients on their products (aka designs), that can really upset the scientists since it looks like the monetization of their work. This kind of tinkering and tampering causes disruptions in the record. Who truly owns any of this though? I’m just an observer, and have been watching this unfold for the last few years. The world is smaller now. There is less wilderness for all of us to dream about, to conquer in order to write our own narrative upon it, so, here were are… We’re stuck with less space, and more time with one another.

The world is feeling more and more like a family vacation in a station wagon in the 1970s.

So I keep thinking about what this means to me going forward, and how can I remain healthy and happy?

Ever the optimist I’m hoping that this will mean the continuation of gardening in smaller spaces, dealing with the normalization of smaller homes, community gardens, and more investment in urban greenspaces. I hope we can work to create more public garden space for future generations to enjoy, and I hope my own region learns to better understand and appreciate professional horticulturists and gardeners—but, there will still be a lot of disagreements.

So I will accept myself as I am, doing what I enjoy, feeding my own curiosity, while not trying to be someone I’m not. Over the last decade, I’ve definitely felt pushed to act differently than I am, and after years of that, it’s funny how one day you can wake up and no longer recognize yourself.

I am not a collector of rare and special plants. I say this because I remain a seed starter. I love all of the plants. I started out this way because it was what I could afford. I don’t think I will ever have that dream of an efficient greenhouse, or even a second home, where I can dabble in being a gentlewoman with the image of status. I represent those saddled with great debt, brought on by living in a society that pretends people like me don’t exist. Social media is nauseating to me currently. I’m very tired of being punched in the face over and over with aspirational gardening content when I’m worried about buying groceries and medication. If I end up with a great plant, it’s usually a division or a gift. I’m very grateful for these signs of friendship and hope to perform more of them as acts of kindness in the future.

I don’t learn much visiting the gardens of the wealthy and privileged unless they’re historic and public. This is a personal choice at this point and maybe I am an ass, but this is a statement thought through for months about how I want to spend my precious free time. Years of disappointing conversations amongst we, the hoi polloi, after seeing such places just doesn’t pique my interest. I cannot stand the judgements and opinions that seem cruel. Seeing any garden, one-on-one, no matter what the size, no matter what the income, fascinates. I love gardeners and their love of plants, and gardens of all shapes and sizes but I think now I especially love PUBLIC GARDENS and the communities that support and give them life.

So I will continue to post, but I will continue to seek out the balance I need to keep my involvement in anything online healthy. It’s not easy though when the people who enjoy to read your posts the most, are the ones who appreciate your critical voice. It’s nice to know I say the things that so many others are afraid to say. It is always an exercise in putting my neck out, and it costs me a lot in terms of how I feel doing it, but I thank all of you for the private messages. You’ve all helped me to become a better me, and many of you have become friends.

And to those who don’t appreciate my message, I’m happy to say that after this year, and after meeting many others through my recent travels, I am read, I am appreciated, and I am terrified of being seen because of your criticisms—but I will persist.

Lastly, I want to encourage any and all of you to be open and honest and don’t waste your time on things (like online content) that does NOT make you feel healthy. Align your life with your values and surround yourself with others who support and validate who you are, what you’ve worked hard for, and what you believe in.

Lessons Learned: Fall Term 2023 DONE✔️

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Before the cold temps took away my summer garden.

Most of 2023 was a trial by fire to test my mettle and I’m glad it’s nearly over. Things started out feeling off balance, but that helped me to chart a course into new territory to seek change and growth. I think I did ok. I started to work on finishing my AAS in Horticulture, and I was promoted at my job. I feel more driven than ever, excited by new challenges, and I’ve shed some old skin.

The Seed Studio—my workspace.

In August I received a set of cards to meditate upon and journal through. They were from the manufacturer of the life-changing medication I’m prescribed for hereditary angioedema that I’ve been taking for 16 months. At the time the box arrived the questions seemed unreal, like a joke, a marketing gimmick, or a skit on SNL—but they weren’t. At first I joked about them at one of my dinners, but now, yes, I must confess, they’ve become helpful.

I really have had a life experience that’s been horrible. It feels like I’m a patient in an Oliver Sacks book. I’m a patient reawakening from a comatose state in the 1990 movie based on his book Awakenings.

Some days back in the beginning of all of this were astoundingly upsetting and I felt terrified and alone in what was happening to me. I remember going to work, going through daily routines, and feeling like I was in the body of someone else. Things I’d tolerated in my daily life were absolutely no longer at all possible to accept as OK. I kept hearing “No!” in my head. At times I felt vulnerable, raw, confused, and misread. I eventually snapped somewhat, but that helped to wake me up even more.

Like the patients in the Oliver Sacks memoir, I live now knowing this sudden awareness of being awake, and healthy, is possible due to a medication. I’m not cured, I’m just free. I’m seizing the chance to live on my own terms, after fundamentally losing a sense of myself for 30 years. I have some personal autonomy for the first time in my adult life. It’s not a lot, but I’m learning what it means.

Looking back, it’s no wonder at all that I created a beautiful garden to live in, to hide in. It has been a gift to myself that’s been immeasurable in its therapeutic value as well as being a tool for me to communicate with others from a place few will personally know until they are much older. There’s beautiful magic in the instinct I had to keep myself connected to the world in the only way I knew going back to my childhood.

Home.

My backbone grew back quickly though, and I wanted nothing more than to protect myself. I’ve continued to feel excited about safety and calm. I can still feel that I’m healing and no longer have the thousand-yard stare with a stiff face in photos. (My facial muscles have actually softened.)

Yes, it was time to return to school to finish my second degree, and maybe, just maybe, consider a graduate program. (But that is yet a dream I’m not sure I will be able to reach… For now it’s one goal, and one day, at a time.)

Clackamas Community College.

My nervous system had been an alarm going off for nearly 30 years, and suddenly, that alarm went silent. I remember that day, and sitting in a chair thinking, “What am I doing with my life? What have I done to myself?”

My emotional work began here at home with boundaries, working with my husband who is on the spectrum, and it continued from there. Since then I’ve rebuilt my personal boundaries, learning more than I ever wanted to know about them, and I have a great group of friends and family who’ve come to feel like a protective circle around me. They reinforce play, creative efforts, general goodness, encouragement and support. All of this has worked wonders to reset my nervous system and to live a healthier life. On the medical side, my physical therapist has been invaluable as well in this process. It’s complicated to redo after 30 years.

A Bomarea gifted to me.

During the last 16 months, a few reactions from others have been unsettling. You learn who your friends are during times like this, and I’ve been surprised by how open other friends have become. People come and go and that’s a fact. It’s brought some pretty joy-filled folks into my life, some serious career-minded ones as well, and through this transition, I’ve also learned how to better manage my time and the energy that I have. I look forward to giving and receiving kindness and living in the NOW.

The people who deserve to be close to us are ALWAYS those whom we can make an agreement with to lift one another up to be our best selves. This doesn’t mean you judge them, or tell them they should or shouldn’t do something. It just means being there for them, listening, and supporting. Your BEING there is enough. My being there shows you I respect you and just as your time and life energy are valuable, mine are too, and it’s important to build that kind of trust and balance with others. It’s life-giving.

Poster in the classroom at school.

This redesign or rebuild had me returning to the time in my life when I became direly ill. This is not uncommon, since we must return to the initial trauma, and until recently, I couldn’t go there because I was still numb to it and had to be in order to survive. I was 18/19 and my adult life was just beginning. I can say now that I honestly died quite a bit as a person in the early 1990s, and am lucky to be alive and reintegrating now.

This process is not easy to write about, but I can do so since it’s been well over a year. Many tears have been shed, and that will continue as I process all kinds of things as I experience them in a healthy way for the first time. I have many who’ve been through this journey with me, and I’ve been researching the process scientifically (note the links I’ve added) so I have the words now to better describe things. But this is a grueling recovery.

I think of it now so often in relation to growing plants in cultivation. I’m just cultivating myself a bit more, and peeking out into the world in my new pink skin. It will get easier.

The pizza oven at school.

My apple cart clearly entered into 2023 with some serious damage but it wasn’t completely upset. My medical team began talking to me about what I was experiencing and helped to anchor me. I started by mapping my personal values, and since then, they’ve become a great foundation for decision making.

Making cuttings in class.

Clinging to this foundation tightly since last Christmas, I just kept going. Step-by-step, I made choices about who I want to be, and where I want to go. Knowing that at any minute I could lose the expensive medication is absolutely terrifying beyond belief, but this again has played into my decision-making. I’m not wasting any time, and I’m going after anything and everything I can—while I am able-bodied. I embrace being present in the NOW and relish in it.

The South Garden.

The moral fabric of my sail really had been torn up. With these repairs, I can set sail again. In part, I had few other options, was self-destructive and careless as I just sat there. Fun broke up the monotony, the constant swelling pain, the frustration, and the twitching anxiety of waiting for another throat swell left me treading water trying not to drown. This is what happens when your body is in distress for decades with little to no relief, and I’ve not even mentioned the nerve damage from back injuries. That is the other layer.

I spent three decades trapped under all of this, and it is no surprise to me that it caused me to struggle in relationships. I struggled in everything. Again, I must credit those I have loved, and who loved me early on in all of this, who have remained supporters. Love conquers all. It’s really true. Those are my people.

Classmates find my ever-bubbling enthusiasm for power tools entertaining.

My first term back at school is over and I did well—but it’s been funny to go back to “start over” and feel my way through what I need to learn now, dealing with processing emotions as I go along, and what to let go of to keep on track to keep going. Filling in the gaps of what I don’t know has been really fun, but complicated too!! I don’t always know what I don’t know until I sort through feelings.

Time for the insects…

At school it is time to rebuild into who I know I could be now, but I haven’t been able to be for years. I ended up neglecting my own boundaries and wellbeing, hoping that someone else would help and take care of the situation eventually. But, that didn’t happen. It won’t happen again, that much I can say now.

Serious teamwork here with my classmate Paul. Not perfect, but not bad for our first time.

I know my personal worth, my strengths, and my weaknesses at the end of 2023. I’m not saying I’m entitled to special treatment, or am anywhere near perfect, but when you live with chronic health conditions you need to set limits. I’m no longer willing to get myself into situations that will be high-risk when it comes to my exposure to unhealthy behaviors. And most importantly, I will continue to foster spaces where others feel comfortable. It’s been healing at school to speak up and to support others in classes. It feels like being myself again.

This is a tiny section of a garden area on campus we planted.

So, here’s a recap of the 6 courses I finished this term, and the kinds of lessons I’ve learned after tying myself to my chair many nights and weekends to plug away at reading, writing, and testing in order to pass with 6 A’s…

I picture myself THRIVING and being surrounded by kind and supportive friends who challenge me to grow—instead of challenging who I am.

Horticulture Practicum/Fall

In this class we alternate week to week. We learn greenhouse skills or landscape skills. We sow seeds, divide plants, and pot things up. We learn how to sharpen and care for tools, and we work with power tools. I’ve learned that my instructors will push me harder, that I enjoy journaling for the class, and it’s ok to be me. I’ve also worked to listen a lot to my classmates as we work. Each week I leave with new things to think about. I add my own work experience stories when necessary. I’m unlearning bad habits I’ve learned at work.

First Aid/CPR/AED

This was my third time being certified, but the first time it wasn’t required for a job. An online course, it felt closer to home as the anonymous individual needing help seemed more real. It reminded me of when I was a caregiver, and it somehow shocks me that I did that job. I’m not as closed off now as I was then.

Horticulture Safety

There are a lot of safety tips I’d not yet learned on the job, and it was a relief to hear how much self-care is emphasized. We were reminded over and over that taking care of ourselves lowers our chances of accidents on the job. An emphasis on ergonomics and awareness in our discussions about self-care and healthy habits was honestly fun. These kinds of discussions regularly in the workplace boost morale and keep employees looking for solutions to increase productivity.

Human Relations in Business

This was the class I struggled with, but I read the entire 400 page textbook, and the self-assessments and final essay helped me to process a great deal about workplace behavior, management styles, and leadership. I learned the areas where I excel, and those where I can make changes in my own management style in the future. Learning about different business structures was also elucidating. The modern style of collaboration is definitely preferred by most employees but it depends upon the company and the tone management wants to take.

Insect Identification

Entomology is one of those areas that I’ve avoided falling into for fear of never emerging. I grew up in the world of fly fishing, and know insects from observation. This class taught me a lot about my instincts, and how they’re good, but that I often lack the words to describe things. That is just how I’ve learned though, and it’s not a bad thing. This helps to create a different perspective on how I see the natural world. As my friend Susan and I discussed, we came to gardening after being raised outdoors, while many of our friends came to the outdoors through gardening. Seeing this more clearly, will help me to speak and write about nature in a more comprehensive and thoughtful way. Also, it turns out, I love Coleoptera.

Weed Identification

This seemed like a fairly straightforward plant ID course until I took into account that our school has a vibrant organic farming program. In addition to naming plants, and getting to know their families, we discussed controlling them. Since I literally work in greenhouses, a location where (according to our greenhouse instructor) there should never be weeds to begin with, EVER, this meant rethinking things. I valued the conversations from those in the group who had farming and land management experience. This class had me looking at the BIG PICTURE.

And that’s a wrap for 2023!! Next term I’ll be taking fewer courses, so I can get ready for spring at work and travel a bit for some talks and events. I dove in a bit deep this term, and that wasn’t a great idea. More self-care and quality time with friends in the coming months—and more plants!!! Lots of plants!!!

Last day of class. I made cuccìa for our potluck.

A Returning Nontraditional Student in Horticulture

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As the days grow darker, I’m retreating into the comforts of home and am nesting more and more in what feels comfortable. I’ve retreated into what some might call my own version of a cloister or maybe even an ivory tower, but in reality, I feel like I never get anything done and am moving very fast through many things.

At home—at Campiello Maurizio—I’m rearranging furniture, and tossing things I no longer need. This is happening physically, metaphorically, and psychologically. Going forward, I’m painting walls and building comfortable areas to share with close friends and family who are showing more that they genuinely care about me, and I can be more free to choose to safely care about them. The goal here is to keep pushing myself to earn and do more. I’m very tired of “just getting by” and being in debt. Chronic health issues are expensive and draining on many fronts, and I know that I deserve more, that I can do more, so I’m huddled down, resting between what I can only call massive efforts, and I’m open to new opportunities even though it’s sometimes scary to me.

The recent promotion to Production Manager at Secret Garden Growers is also just the right fit for me. Limiting myself to one nursery job was a good idea for clarification of purpose, and just to feel more focussed on what matters to me… I want to get nice plants into the hands of gardeners and into gardens as quickly as I can.

It is not easy though to work 30 hours a week at a nursery and with my seeds, then also to go to school at Clackamas Community College. I’m determined though to earn my AAS in Horticulture. Sometimes I think it is a crazy plan, then on other days I feel like I was made to be the ideal nontraditional student.

To make this all work though it means less time for writing, and less time for anything lazy and fun. It means going through a lot of personal growth, pushing myself when it’s very uncomfortable, and learning anything and everything I can. I feel refreshed in my awareness of beginner’s mind daily, and I relish learning what I don’t know yet, and I’m learning a lot for a second or third time.

And like the garden, I will grow better, and more beautifully, with all of this attention to pruning and editing.

Change and growth are beautiful things.

A Visit to Montrose Garden in October of 2022 (Hillsborough, North Carolina)

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Montrose Garden wasn’t exactly on my radar while I was planning my trip to GA, SC, and NC last year. Then my friend Eric Hsu of Plinth et al let me know there was going to be a Garden Open Day during my vacation. Since the date worked out perfectly, I planned a visit.

At the time I didn’t know this would work out, but it turns out I was lucky enough to have the company of Preston Montague while I was at this garden as well as at the Sarah P. Duke Gardens.

I can’t think of a better guide for the area.

Like others, I’d heard of Nancy Goodwin, but it was really only from one article in The American Gardener. I’ve learned much more about her since then.

She’s written a bit over the years, and others have written about her as a plantswoman, but I’ve not been much of a reader of such works, and am only able to do more of that now.

It’s never too late to try to make more time for reading, and the section about her garden in The Collector’s Garden by Ken Druse is very good.

There is also a biography as well, Montrose: Life in a Garden.

All gardens age and change, just like us. I was able to see during this visit that this was definitely a place with a long plant history. It was not newly planted, and so many established plants were quite mature. I loved the wildness of it all.

It was nice to see some swathes of cyclamen as we walked and talked—plants often associated with Goodwin and the garden.

Having only just met Preston in person after years of seeing one another online, we had a lot to discuss on various topics as we got to know one another better. It was a wonderful social visit, I must confess to being a bit distracted though by other people, and I met friends and acquaintances of Preston’s, and that was a bit of a different cultural experience for me too, but one I enjoyed deeply.

He and I live and work in a culture of plants, where we cultivate and select what we value about them in different ways. All of this is part of the cultural plant matrix though, adding to the plant matrices.

As usual the nursery and growing areas were my favorites. They were teaming with visitors shopping for treasures, looking for great plants to plant in the fall. Many guests knew one another, and having been through a pandemic, it was clear to see the excitement and happiness of being able to spend time participating in an event that’s clearly part of the community fabric.

We walked the back garden areas before heading out. There were many garden spaces, and I’m sure if I’d read more about their development, they would have made more sense to me. Sometimes that kind of context matters in the face of so much complex diversity.

As it was though, I very much enjoyed listening to Preston talk, telling me about the different materials used in the space, as well as how the different plants work in terms of regional design.

Mixed with many laughs, it was definitely a garden I would enjoy seeing in different seasons as well. An estate that large, is always a sight to behold, and Goodwin has planted it well, leaving a legacy.

Back home in my own garden, I can’t sign off without posting about Calamintha nepeta ‘Montrose White’. We sell so many of these at Secret Garden Growers because it really is an amazing plant that honeybees love—and it is so easy to grow. I love that it connects me back to a garden now that I’ve spent precious time in with a colleague.

Named by Mike Yanny of Johnson’s Nursery in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, it turns out that his wife had purchased this calamint from Nancy Goodwin. I appreciate that its cultivar name helps to describe something about its origins, and it’s not completely whimsical.

I hope to add a piece of it soon to my community garden plot. This is an ornamental herb I’ve wanted to have for years for a few of my more obscure Italian recipes. It’s a worth growing for both the pollinators and for cooking too. Oh right, and it’s pretty!

Who doesn’t like a little bit of flounce out there?

Bees enjoying Calamintha nepeta ‘Montrose White’.

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (June 2023)

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Summer has been flying by but I have to say it’s been a beautiful one. This year the garden has been easy to love and I’ve really enjoyed it for the first time in a long time.

There’s always great happiness when you find just the right plant. Rosa ‘Altissimo’ is a pleasure to grow.

One: This climbing rose, introduced by Delbard in 1966, is a jaw dropper when it’s in bloom. Sadly, mine needs to struggle a bit in the small and not-so-fertile bed where it is forced to live, so it’s been growing slowly, but at least it continues to put out those incredible blooms.

Heralded as disease-free, so far it looks great to me.

This Begonia aff. palmata was purchased from Shayne Chandler during a visit to the Olympic Peninsula a year or two ago with my friend Theo.

Two: As an act of kindness a year or two ago Theo decided to take me up to see Heronswood as a break from working so hard during the pandemic. It was great to see the garden, and it was even more fun to visit the home garden of Shayne Chandler. Long a fixture in the PNW, with his designs, and his public friendship with Dan Hinkley, it was nice just to spend a little bit of time talking to him.

And his garden, wow! (I don’t think I posted photos but maybe sometime soon I can get back up there and report here about it.)

It took me wwwaaaayyyyy too long to get this Pteris wallichiana from Evan’s old garden into the ground.

Three: Last fall my close friend Evan had to move away from the garden they’d lived in for many years. It was the family home, and it was time to downsize. Instead of throwing in the towel and just saying “Whatever, I’m out of here,” they jumped into action with organized lists of plants for folks to dig, as well as their own rescue plan for what they’d be bringing to the city. One of the plants on the list I knew I wanted IMMEDIATELY was this fern. Grown from spore, I divided a batch of them at Cistus last year, and I knew I wanted one then. So finally, after many months, this one is in the ground!

Mission accomplished!!!

A Cistus introduction from before my time there, Abutilon ‘Tiffany Sconce’.

Four: It’s not breaking news to say I have a thing for abutilons… This is one I reencountered while helping to inventory which ones we had at Cistus. It’s a lovely one, with a sheen just like the best art glass, and purportedly hardy-ish, so of course you know I wanted to plant one in the garden this summer—and so I did.

This goatsbeard planted itself here. I’m fine with that since Aruncus dioicus is one of my favorites.

Five: Not as many native plants this month, but I don’t think that’s a surprise. So many non-natives really shine as this time of the year.

Overall, so long as Aruncus dioicus is planted in the shade, you’ll easily be successful with it. Planted in swaths, it looks much better than this one does. We do have more of these at Secret Garden Growers so I’ll be adding a few friends soon.

Was happy to bring home this Pittosporum patulum home with me.

Six: A regret about leaving a job like the one at Cistus is that I will always be sad about the plants I DIDN’T try while I worked there. (My garden is just not big enough for much more though, and I honestly could not afford to buy a lot.)

That thought is absurd though since I can always go back to look for them, or even try something else now that I’m a civilian shopper and no longer a talented and beloved team member. Before I put in my resignation—a thing I didn’t want to do but had to professionally since there was no pathway forward for me—I thought long and hard about fun stuff that I urgently wanted to try, and I was so happy that this was available.

Have I planted it yet? Well… that’s another story… ask me in a few more weeks.

After several years in the stock tank, the Schoenoplectus acutus, continues to show how awesome it is!!!

Seven: A few years back I purchased this stock tank to change things up a bit in the garden. Having grown up on a creek, and then having had a family home on a river, I love water. If I’m not near a body of water, I feel a bit off balance in some way. It’s a comfort to me. One of the interesting challenges though has been to make this work year round, and to include more native plants in the blasting sun.

Tule grass for the win!!! With that tall vertical appeal, I don’t know why more folks aren’t using it. Lots of insects are attracted to it too and while I rest in the hammock nearby I enjoy watching them buzz right by.

Sideshow Bob or Asparagus densiflorus ‘Meyersii’?

Eight: One of my many collections is of asparagus plants. I love the edible sort as well as the ornamental, and the family fascinates me too. This plant is a common ornamental one, but this year, it feels especially pretty displayed on this plant stand in the big container.

I enjoy that it adds humor and amuses me. Laughter therapy is good.

A Holodiscus dumosus I grew from seed now happily planted in my front garden.

Nine: Years ago when I first started working at Cistus I was asked to go on a trip to Southern Oregon with Sean and Preston, another employee, and our mutual friends from England. It was during that trip I became more aware of this plant, one I’d seen before, but at that time I mistakenly thought it was some form of Holodiscus discolor instead of a whole different plant.

So, this my readers is Holodiscus dumosus, and it’s one I grew from seed. I grew a crop or two of these at Cistus Nursery but I can’t say for sure if any are available.

Be on the lookout for it though, and if you find one, plant it!

Last year I ordered a Pelargonium ‘Vectis Glitter’ and it didn’t make it. This year, I’m glad I tried again.

Ten: Pelargoniums are also mostly non-hardy plants I love but I don’t think they always love me back lol. Last year I was excited to buy this one from Geraniaceae. I LOVE the stellar forms. This one needs to grow a bit more yet, but I’m being patient with it.

The blooms were perfect, so I guess it was worth the hassle of waiting another year.

I’ve been slowly working on the site again over at Spiffy Seeds.

If you have any extra special seeds from your garden that you’d like to send me to include in my shop, I’d be grateful and can likely trade with you for something else. Just send an email to: ann@amateurbotannist.com

I’ll be posting about seed-related topics there too from time to time on the Journal page. You can read my most recent post here: Seeds Matter to Me

Thoughts on the Plot: My Community Garden Life in 2023

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Once again, I had too much going on in my life to make as big of a dent in my Mt Tabor Community Garden space as I’d hoped I’d be able to this season. But, so far, I’ve been harvesting quite a bit from the few plants I was able to get into the ground. Additionally, I’ll have a lot more in the coming weeks as the seeds I sowed late in the season are coming along well.

Then there are the established plants. You see, in this plot, I use the no till method. Weeds are pulled and mostly composted in the plot. Sometimes I use the green bins, but not as often as I did before. Now I just bury debris for the most part. Cover crops are used. But I don’t till the soil. I just add to it: compost, mulch, organic fertilizer, and sometimes burlap.

So all is not lost. It never is, and you just keep going, and sowing, in my case. Tomorrow I will go to purchase more seed starting mix, and I’ll pick up some organic compost and manure too. Those just get added on top as I go and things seem to be going well—but it took a few years.

And it still needs plenty of attention. There is no easy low-maintenance anything in the garden. I don’t care what you’ve read online. This takes work, lots of glorious work, and the happier you are, the lighter it will feel. Making yourself lower maintenance, and your own needs higher priority, is the only way. I feel much lighter now, and gardening hasn’t felt this great in a long time.

This season I got around to cleaning things up late. As is usual, I received an email about the state of my plot, so I asked for help from two well-seasoned veggie gardening fiends, oops, I mean friends. Theo came to help me weed a bit after Evan and I smothered everything with a bale of straw. Many smothering jokes were made as we giggled and tossed the stuff in the air and I may have rolled around in it just since I seem like someone who’d know what a roll in the hay is, but to be honest, rolling in the straw, in the warmth of the sun, pretty much just made me want to nap like a cat. (My plot is in the middle in the photo on the right.) Maybe this is also just a sign that I’ve eased into middle age. I sure do cherish naps more than I ever have in my entire life.

Not long after Theo helped me clean things up Evan and I returned together again to plant some mums. They’re special selections for tea and are hardy, but Evan no longer wanted to keep them in containers at their apartment. That evening we enjoyed the antics of this feline who was owned by an unhoused individual who was parked nearby. Evan and I discussed ways to add value to my space by growing things that are impossible to find, or else just plain expensive.

I kind of vowed to myself to be a bit more daring in some of my choices going forward.

Regularly I bring home food now, and I carefully pose the produce for photos before chopping it up to eat. The plot continues to run a bit wild. Now that I’ve moved on from my job at Cistus Nursery, one of the goals I hope to continue to work on is the plot. This year I’m sowing additional fall crops for the first time. It’s exciting to me to try new things, to grow new skills, and to observe familiar plants in new ways.

I really enjoy growing food.

So this last week, during a heat wave, I started to sow crops of seeds for planting, and I’ve been able to select out packets of seeds I plan to plant in the ground ASAP. I need to weed more, I need to prune, I want to cut back the rhubarb and do something with it. I love my squash, and I eat all of the tomatoes each time I water as I pop them into my mouth with chive blossoms. I love the curly kale, and I pick a handful of leaves each visit. The summer squash is prolific, but I need to get a harvest basket so it won’t make my arms itch after I carry it to the car. Oh, and the basil! Oh how I love its fragrance! Pesto is in my future, lots of it, and with my new seed fridge, I can fill the freezer with more Ann-safe food to keep me healthy.

So, there are many veggies I still purchase, but their cost does make my efforts worthwhile. I just wish I’d planned this all better to be more productive—and yet, it’s very productive and I’m really happy. The plot is a small space, but I do what I can with it, and I look forward to seeing more and more being harvested in the coming weeks and months. It’s truly a gift right now, and I love the surprises it shares with me.

After the Lombardy Dinner…

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Things have changed a lot since I last hosted dinners in my back garden. It’s been nearly a year now since I was prescribed a medication to help with my HAE swelling and I cannot express how different it felt to “perform” (as I must) for my dinners. This time around I felt far more shy, less reckless, and a bit reserved. I guess I’ve grown older and wiser.

The front garden on Saturday.

When I woke up on Sunday I enjoyed the last-minute floral tidbits I’d been able to throw together thanks to Trader Joe’s—and a stray marigold bloom I’d found nearly broken off near my front stairs. I reflected more deeply on the vessels I’d used, the lovely vases, and I cherished the memories I have of them, and the past events in my life that they’d witnessed. One belonged to my Grandma Virginia, and I had to have it nearby, another is from my childhood, when the printer who printed our magazines gifted it to my parents one Christmas. It was the first and only time I’d ever seen a box from Tiffany’s and the shade of blue lit up something in me that I’d never felt before. I had to have my vase from Venice, and the glazed pottery. I long to make my own, and wish I had done so with my niece who is a talented ceramicist, but there will be time for that soon.

The food was some of my best yet, and it is strange since I don’t cook like this often—but I think a lot about it in my mind, curating flavors while they intermingle with an understanding of the histories of the ingredients. I know more about the plants than I do some of the history of Italy, but don’t ever let that fool you. My father has his Master’s in Roman history and focussed all of his spare time on reading about Italian history, I just pretend that I never listened to his ongoing sweet monologues about what he’d been reading. As his light has started to dim, I miss that version of my father a lot. I clearly was listening but I retell those stories in my own way, and the history seems to flow with much ease through my hands silently, and into my food.

I set up the table the night before the dinner, and felt badly about being in the weeds. Then I sat down in the garden and embraced how hard I’ve worked for the last few months to prepare the garden and Seed Studio for these events, and for what seems to be the next phase of my life. This is a big transition for me, but it makes total sense. I’m excited to shift gears in horticulture, but folks have seemed a bit surprised by my own misgivings. I can assure you, those are solely because I intend to write a great deal more. I’ve waited for this for a long time.

My mind has been calm for 12 months, I’ve processed the negative feelings I have from decades of judgment from myself and others about being a writer who didn’t write (and I don’t appreciate or approve of others having judged me harshly without realizing what swelling was doing to my mind), and it is time for me to put the pieces together to rebuild my life in the way I wanted to purposefully do for so long.

On Sunday morning I awoke to this photo being texted to me by my neighbor. Alfie had been running around during the party. It was his first experience with diners being in the house and while I feel badly, at least he wasn’t like LuLu and Oliver who both hid in closets for several hours. During the dinner, part of me wanted to hide too, but I genuinely enjoyed my guests and I look forward to the next two dinners—and I might add a third if all goes well.

More LED lanterns arrived the morning after, I took a selfie to remind myself of my own happiness, and I reached out to let my friends know that I needed more help for the next two dinners.

I love change, I love reinvention, and renewal. I love redesigns and growth. I cannot stand being stuck—or being weighed down and held back. To me, jumping into the unknown was impossible for so long. I was in a murky pool mostly alone. Now is my time.

The future is bright for me and I look forward to growing in life’s garden with good friends nearby me, walking arm-in-arm, knitted together like a fine mess of plants. None of us really matters without one another. We’re a tapestry of diversity and need one another. I love that.

And like my niece said nearly 10-years ago in my backyard wedding, “Don’t be assholes to one another.” Yes, I think that advice still holds. Surround yourself with others who make you feel so good about yourself, you blush daily.

And once you’re filled up with that love, you can share the spillover like a fine wine everywhere you go…

My Summer So Far…

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Summer has been nothing but work, work, work…and lots of messaging with friends because I’ve been busy and many of them have too. It’s a no-nonsense year. Kind of strange after what we’ve all been through, but the pandemic years are really catching up with me. I’m tired.

Next weekend is the first dinner in the back garden and I’m so excited. I just need to rest a bit more.

Most of the work here at home has been focussed on cleaning things up. It’s been a lot of work, but it’s paid off as things are filling in and maturing. There is always much to do, but this year, I’ve been keeping up with it thanks to good health, discipline, and being about to hire my coworker Kris to help. There’s nothing better than working alongside a friend—especially when they help so much AND they crack you up. Evan also helped along the way by removing a large Lonicera nitida hedge. That allowed me to plant a whole new area.

The front yard has slowly been added to and I have a small flat-ish rock garden of sorts—but I’m letting plants grow on there a bit more yet. (I bet it will shock none of you to hear that it has ferns lol.)

Felix is being his regular charming self. Oftentimes, he waits near the sidewalk for dogs on leashes to go by.

He likes to sit right next to my husband’s FIAT.

Abutilon ‘Tiffany Sconce’ in the back garden at Campiello Maurizio.

I’m enjoying the inclusion of several abutilons in the back garden. Abutilon ‘Tiffany Sconce’ is a special one.

The ole Seed Studio is doing great. I will post pictures soon of what I’ve been up to inside. I’ll be spending more time in there in the coming months so it’s fun to dress it up a bit. It still doesn’t look great in photos though, but I will keep at it. Real effort seems to pay off.

Felix enjoys his fountains. These are part of his daily routine this time of year.

Eucryphia x intermedia ‘Rostrevor’ has been a stunner this year—but it’s still a bit young. Next year I bet it will be really amazing. At least until then, it can keep growing.

And so it goes… Summertime is going well.

How’s your summer been?

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (May 2023)

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Hope you don’t mind that I’m posting these a bit late. I’ve got to catch up on this so I can get to my Top 10 list for June before it’s August and I need to complete one for July too! Oh the crush of time. A few of these plants were gifts from friends and I’m realizing more and more how special that can make something to me. Friendship means the world to me.

One: This was a little gift from Evan. Rhipsalidopsis ‘Lauren’ bloomed for me indoors in May so I took it outdoors for its closeup. I love red so these blooms brightened my day and were long-lasting too. Many smiles were had since it lifted me up each time I spotted it. That’s a funny thing about flowers. They can cost more than a cookie, but I sure don’t get as fat enjoying them.

Two: This one is sadly not our native Cardamine nuttallii, but Cardamine trifolia still performs well enough and does make a nice tight ground cover. Luckily I have the native one as well, but it’s not established enough in the garden yet for me to comment on, but I hope to post more about growing it in the future.

Three: It was a huge surprise to receive this gift from Nathan Champion of Champion Acres Nursery. Years ago we were coworkers and we’ve stayed in contact ever since… (I guess I’m not as bad as some people think lol.) To say this Fuchsia ‘Pour le Menneke’ aka Fuchsia ‘Poermenneke’ is a stunner is an understatement. The blooms last and last, and it’s been making the back garden feel special all summer long—but it started back in May! What a great gift this was and its something garden guests have all enjoyed.

Four: This tree has been posted at least once or twice on my site. Ever since I saw one in a garden, I’d wanted one, and I’ve really enjoyed watching this little one grow. Before I know it, it will be huge. Eventually it will be planted in the ground, but for now, this Acer palmatum ‘Ukigumo’ is happy in its terracotta container in the back garden. I can watch its white leaves glow back there. It really does have that white cloud look to it.

Five: Kind of embarrassing—to say the least—that it took me so long to plant my Lonicera ciliosa vine. I have another and it’s not yet in the ground. Yes, it’s crazy to procrastinate planting these native vines since they are so beautiful!! Being less problematic than our other native honeysuckle (Lonicera hispidula), this one doesn’t get mildew—at least not yet. We shall see.

But those flowers. Wow.

Six: A year or two ago my friends and I potted up a piece of this devil’s club from my family’s property near the coast. Oplopanax horridus is one of those plants I discovered as a kid by absentmindedly grabbing at it to clutch onto as I was trying to exit a creek or stream. Ouch! But it’s a brutal stunner. It’s a painful pretty. Now this one is planted and doing great in the ground in the back garden.

Seven: The fragrance of an Iris florentina is undeniably something special—at least for me. Iris plants in general often annoy me since their blooms are so ephemeral and I have to work hard to keep them healthy and happy in a greenhouse environment, but this, uh… With that hint of a pale blue-grey, this one is a favorite of mine in the garden and I’m happy to have two established patches going.

Eight: The Citrus myrtifolia has been a much loved container plant for years. Fragrant blooms, and the connection to the production of a delicious beverage called chinotto is all I need to add. Now I want some…

Nine: Whenever I see the dangling tassel bits attached to the male flowers on the Thalictrum occidentale plants I giggle. That tiny jostle, it’s so sensitive to a light breeze—oh the magic in the air! (These are wind pollinated to it actually does make sense…

Ten: Last but not least is this heirloom Iris ‘Cheer’. It was a gift from Baldassare, and is an older hybrid which is fragrant and reblooms. Since doing so though I’ve realized there are a fair number of them with a hint of a whiff of something. I guess they all kind of smell a bit like Palmolive to me. I suppose it could be worse…

So that’s it for now! Hope to get more posts rolled out soon. With lots of the garden redo underway, I hope to rest more and have time to type up my thoughts as summer engulfs us.

Please, Come Dine in my Garden and Help my Seed Business Grow…

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Here’s a little look back at some older photos of my garden, Campiello Maurizio… I want to tell you a bit about the dinners I had before the pandemic, and why I’ve chosen to host three more this summer to raise “seed” money for my online seed shop Spiffy Seeds.

Back in 2015 I started a series of fundraisers where I cooked for family, friends, and strangers in order to raise money to pay off my $5000 debt after an emergency spinal surgery in 2014. This effort took years to complete. Along the way, I cooked a lot of meals for a lot of people—and for the most part, it was a ton of fun!!!

It was incredibly difficult work. It took a lot of my time and energy. It was difficult when I disappointed guests, or I was disappointed in my efforts, but overall, I cooked a lot of Italian meals even my Sicilian relatives would have enjoyed—even if they weren’t Sicilian recipes lol…

I loved my great-grandmother Rosaria very much—even though I learned to show affection for her in a way that was different than my more American family. I regret I was too young when she passed away, but I spent enough time in her kitchen to know she knew what she was doing.

When I cook these multi-course dinners, I can say now with certainty that I channel her—that assuredness, and that focus. I know my cooking talents come from her. Of the many Amato family members in the old neighborhood, she was known as one of the best cooks, and I believe that.

My paternal home culture is all I knew growing up since we were never very close with many of my mom’s relatives until I was older. This is why my Sicilian heritage brings me such comfort, and it’s why both of my marriages have been to others who share the same heritage.

My “current husband” lol was born in Italy and moved to the US during grade school. Italian is John’s first language. While he is Venetian, he was born and raised in Genoa. We’ve visited Italy twice and I’m grateful he helped me achieve the dream of stepping first on Sicilian ground before heading north.

Whenever possible, he helps to decipher some of the recipes I cook since we hope to create menus with traditional foods often cooked at home that many Americans have never tried. We genuinely enjoying having these dinners even though we’re both introverted in very different ways.

This year’s plan is not very complicated. I’ve planned three dinners.

Saturday August 5: Lombardia

Antipasti: Torta Salata di Zucca (Squash Cake), Polpette di Melanzane (Eggplant Balls), Sciatt con Insalta di Cicoria (Buckwheat Fritters with Chicory Salad)

Primi piatti: Risotto alla Milanese (Milanese Risotto) or Ravioli di Magro (Ravioli with Ricotta and Herbs)

Secondi piatti: Pesce Fresco in Salsa Verde (Fresh Fish in Green Sauce) or Manzo All’Olio (Braised Beef with Vegetable Puree)

Dolce: Torta Sbrisolona con Gelato (Sbrisolona with Gelato)

Saturday August 26: Sicilia

Antipasti: Caponata di Carciofi (Artichoke Caponata), Pane e Caponata (Bread and Tomato Salad), Arancini (Rice Balls with Meat and Peas) 

Primi piatti: Pesto alla Siciliana (Casarecce with Sicilian Pesto) or Pasta ’Ncasciata (Sicilian Baked Pasta)

Secondi piatti: Seppioline Ripiene (Stuffed Squid) or Castrato con Fave Verde (Lamb with Fava Beans)

Dolce: Cassata Siciliana (Specialty Sicilian Cake)

September 2: Veneto

Antipasti: A Wide Selection of Venetian Cicchetti 

Primi piatti: Riso e Fagioli alla Feltina (Feltre-style Rice and Beans) or Polenta Bianca con Funghi Selvetici (White Polenta with Wild Mushrooms) 

Secondi piatti: Ravioli di Baccalà e Gamberi con Salsa al Burro e Salvia (Baccala and Shrimp Ravioli with Butter Sage Sauce) or Madrone D’Anatra con Marasche  (Duck Breast in Cherry Sauce)

Dolce: Crema Rosada (A Venetian Crème Caramel)

If you’re are interested in making reservations, all of the information can be found here. Dinner is a $60 prix fixe donation and payment is made at the time of your reservation. No seats can be held without it. There is a 24-hour cancellation policy.

Sadly I can’t make substitutions, and the meals will have meat and dairy. As someone allergic to black pepper and anything in the ginger family, I know how hard restrictions are, but this needs to be a set menu so that I can create the dishes with greater ease. I’m sorry if you can’t make it because of this. If you can gather 10 of your closest friends to reserve me for a night, I can consider a private dinner based on your needs, and I’ve actually created several dinners this way, but it requires a lot of advanced warning.

And lastly, this fundraiser is really all about the seeds. I’m looking forward to using the funds raised to work with an accountant to get everything setup, and to help pay for the new seed storage fridge I just purchased.

Every little bit helps and thanks so much… (The easiest way is to send donations is to send them to @Ann-Amato on Venmo. Just look for the cat.)

A Recent Podcast Interview with Dr. Jared

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Not long ago I was interviewed for this fantastic podcast by Dr Jared Barnes. I completely forgot to post that here on my blog. If you’d like to take a listen and find out more, click here. He’s interviewed a lot of great folks who work in horticulture around the country and I encourage you to listed to other episodes too. Being interviewed by someone who is a fellow horticulturist is always a great treat for me. Jared is someone I’m honored to know.

Jared and I met though a mutual friend in a Zoom chat during the pandemic. While there were a lot of horrible things about these years of turmoil we all lived through, I had the honor of being inspired by meeting so many great folks virtually—where I’ve been able to continue to nurture those connections.

On his site, he has a wonderful bio, and I encourage you to read that too. You can find it here.

Thanks again Jared, I had a wonderful time.

Order of Plant Hoarder

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In the past I may have mentioned here on the blog that I had to deal with hoarding with a few family members, and that I struggled with it a bit when I was very ill. My maternal grandmother was an extreme hoarder and she had mental health issues which included anxiety and depression. At the end of her life, while in a community living situation, she hoarded empty boxes. To block herself off from the world, she made a wall of them, but it was nothing like the home my mother and her late-brother had to empty out. Grandma really hoarded everything, and there sadly was a lot of garbage and other things that never needed to be there.

When I brought all of this home last week for the garden, my initial reaction was simply to cringe and think, “This is too much.” I’ve had time to think about this though and the feelings are so much more complicated.

Like many people who’ve had hoarding in their lives, I too tend to have decision-making problems. I don’t when it comes to being professional and being on time, or setting goals to achieve things. It has more to do with projects, and I’m realizing that it has something to do with not being able to learn how to do much of anything outside of my room as a kid in addition to more recent things.

I lived in a controlled environment, and while my brothers were able to escape the nest, I was sequestered. Since the kitchen was constantly free, I developed cooking skills, but my life up until I was 18 lacked almost all autonomy.

Entering adulthood, it was more of the same. Illness created more sequestration and I lacked autonomy all over again. While I continue to express the complicated and deep sadness I feel at having had so few choices, I continue to work through the mess of hoarded emotional baggage, and for me, that’s connected to the seemingly never-ending pile of plants too. They kept me busy, I’ve enjoyed that, and I find that I’m growing beyond it now.

I see the Order of Plant Hoarder around me, I know the gardens, and as someone who took well to social work when I did it, I feel for others who deal with this same problem but for different reasons. I’m thinking a lot now about many things, and it’s an anchoring activity for me, one that scares the hell out of me, while simultaneously opening me up more to the world.

Looking at nursery work, the amount of stuff, can sometimes be overwhelming, triggering, but I’m learning to take heart in the joy of keeping a complete picture whole, beautiful, and coming home to enjoy my surroundings, rather than to have that heavy feeling of it pulling me down. Hoarding allows objects to control you, and when they’re plants, it somehow feels like you’re caring about them, but it’s an act of conservation which is more a manifestation of the emotions you’re avoiding. It is a clear act of denial.

There are two more plant areas of the house to clear out, but today I tackle the back garden where all strays have ended up. With our recent heat spells, I’ve needed to water, and with my being gone a lot, this was the answer. Thankfully, the space is small.

And there is a compost bin, and I have help coming in the form of a friend opening up more planting space. I feel badly that some of these plants have been fried, but I’ve done my best, and within the next two weeks, this will all be planted or else gone.

There is no real way to prevent hoarding and obsessive collecting. I don’t even have the full-blown disorder, but I think it’s living around others who did, that has caused me to slip into habits I don’t like. My hoarding was learned. I learned poor emotional skills, and lacked the full support I needed to know how to cope well.

Admitting all of this to myself, and regularly staying on track, has created such an incredible kind of calm. I know the medication has helped me too, and not having swelling pain. I don’t miss the constant alarms going off in my body that something was seriously wrong. I hoarded while ill in order to concentrate on something else, as avoidance. I was in survival mode and I hated it so much.

In this calm now, I want to rest. I want to relax. And the best part is knowing with full confidence—I will.

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (April 2023)

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Seems a bit late to be posting this, but I needed to wrap up my community college course and just completed my final last week so yay! Now it’s back to more regular posts again. It’s not easy to go to school while working nearly full-time! I salute those of you out there who’ve done so. I had so many hard-working friends at PSU while I was completing my undergraduate degree. Y’all just amaze me.

Last month was kind of “meh” in the garden. I realize now that in my love of heat and the summertime, I’ve kind of ignored spring plantings, so will be adding a few more for next year.

One: This year the large terracotta container of Citrus trifoliata ‘Flying Dragon’ (syn. Poncirus trifoliata ‘Flying Dragon’) bloomed well. Am hoping I’ll have a crop of sweet smelling fruits later this year. While I’ve grown a few citrus plants over the years, I prefer to see them growing other places—since I don’t grow them well. My friend Alex used to have a greenhouse, and he grew the plants more easily. While I do have an outbuilding, I really do hate moving things in an out of it during the winter.

I’m blathering on about all of this because I lost a few citrus plants I’d inherited over the years this past winter. I really need a greenhouse, but do not have the space. THIS ONE THOUGH, it’s hardy, and it bloomed its head off after it had snow dumped on it. It looked at this last winter—and laughed—in flowers.

Slay on flying dragon, slay on!

Two: The Tellima grandiflora I have here is a nice collection given to me by my botanist friend. It came from Pacific County in Washington State and is very fragrant. The plan is to keep growing it, and to collect its seeds to grow more. Fringecups are a wonderful addition to any PNW garden if you’re looking for an easy native plant for damp and shady situations. I may have added this one to a warm and dry spot in order to push it a bit, but I was also hoping to add a shade-making companion plant to the area soon to help it along.

Three: There’s not a lot to say about the Sanicula epipactis (syn. Hacquetia epipactis) other than I fell for the attractive green flowers at some point, and that when I see it in bloom, I smile. Now that the flower has faded, I’m less pleased with it, but it’s not so bad as to make me desirous of its removal. In my garden, it’s grown well so far.

Four: Unlike many of my close friends and gardening community companions I have a lot of Japanese maples. Acer palmatum ‘Ukigumo’ is by far my favorite. It’s name means drifting of floating clouds and you can maybe see how it could have that look to it.

This to me is a special tree so when I cut down the old apple tree that was part of the original garden plan, I was happy to add this to another side of the back garden.

While it does cost a bit, I highly recommend considering the purchase of one of these.

Five: Alyssum montanum never disappoints in the springtime. This low growing plant in the Brassicaceae family has been blooming in this difficult spot reliably for YEARS.

I think it’s time to divide this clump, and spread it around a bit more in my pride strip aka hellstrip. June is just around the corner and this is part of how I show my support for Pride Month.

Six: Oregon gold thread (Coptis laciniata) is a native plant that gets its common name from the color of its beautiful roots. This is not a plant seen often in cultivation, so if you see it in a nursery, and you have the right spot for it, I suggest you pick it up. Luckily, we were selling some at Secret Garden Growers last year so I gleefully grabbed this one and it’s done WELL in my garden since it was planted. It’s even started to spread a tiny bit. It needs regular moisture and shade, but once established, it will settle in nicely.

Seven: Adorable little woodland blooms don’t feel like me, but well, here we are and it’s the blue of these flowers, set inside of the white, that just sets my heart aflutter. Omphalodes cappavocica ‘Starry Eyes’ is an easy-to-grow perennial and I’ve had it for at least a decade in my garden. The patch seen here is in full shade, and it’s often dry in that spot—but not completely.

Eight: What’s not to like about this Luzula sylvatica now that its grown into this lovely little mop on the ground? I think I picked this one up at Xera Plants and had no idea where it would go until I plopped it down here at some point. I don’t think I had expectations at all, and whatever I had been thinking, this plant has far exceeded those expectations. In this spot in the dry shade this grass has done great. It looks great year round too because it’s in a protected area of the garden.

Nine: Not sure why I have so many native plants in this post, but I do believe that gardens should have as many native plants included as is possible both for a kind of continuity with the surrounding setting, as well as the fact that other living creatures native to this region appreciate having them here in order to survive in one way or another. Besides, I want to remind myself that I’m NOT in control of nature and letting plants go a bit wild has always mattered to me.

The artificiality of perfection in the formal garden, or being told that someone has a “foreign” English garden makes me feel the same as if they’ve said they’ve planted an invasive species. The colonial mindset continues I guess and I’m more than happy to have both my interior cultural projection of my own European heritage, mixed in with a native plant garden with plants representing the region I grew up in and love dearly—to my core.

Mahonia aquifolium is yet one of the native beacon native plants for me. I have two at my house, and I love them throughout the seasons. They’re sited at the “nerve center” of my garden, the heart of it, where I work the most.

They’re also our state flower, and can handle basically any conditions. Mine are both on the southside of the house, they’re not watered a lot, and both get a lot of sun. I love them, they remind me of home, so home is where they’re planted.

Ten: Lastly, our native Thalictrum occidentale is a fun plant with a wide native range. From Alaska to Northern California to Colorado and Wyoming, this plant needs a shady spot with some regular moisture. For me, in my garden, it has spread a bit. I wish I could give it more space. It it an aggressive grower, but it is NOT a thug. Also, at some point, it will all but disappear in my garden as we heat up during the summer. Deciduous perennials will do this. If it was damper and cooler it would likely stick around a bit longer. So by the time I’m tired of it, it’s cooled it heels. So when it returns the next year, I’m always happy to see it again like a friend returning to visit.

It is dioecious, and the male flowers are the showy ones. They have a bit of the wiggle effect on those male flowers. They make me giggle and I have a dirty mind, so I see them as itty bitty tata tassels. Just have to be free to be me sometimes I guess.

So that took a bit longer to complete than I’d wanted it too. You’ll have an update soon on how I feel about the garden THIS month.

I also wanted to mention this podcast I was recently interviewed for and how much fun it was to participate in so be sure to give it a listen and check out the other guests as well. https://meristemhorticulture.com/the-plantastic-podcast/17-ann-amato-seedstress-of-the-pacific-northwest

Be Kind to Yourself… Be Well in the Garden

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Between school and work, I’ve not had a lot of time to write about anything. Standing so much has been causing back problems, so I’m doing physical therapy again. With new physical goals centered on the professional gains I’ve made during the last few years, I’m happy that I was able to track down the last PT I was with so we could keep going and create a new plan. I’m confident we’ll have some success working together.

But this means slowing down. I’m terrible at that. Luckily, taking the necessary breaks at work throughout the day to reset my body is not an issue with my employers. This makes sense since recently the pain was so bad I was shaking and crying and could not think straight. Of course I kept working all day—because that’s who I am. I’m a determined soul. I love doing what I do even though the pay is not that which I made before I entered into horticulture.

I met with both my PT and primary care physician last week to discuss additional ideas for treatment. The goal is to make it possible for me to be more active so I can remain as healthy as possible and to prevent falls.

Having 2 previously injured areas of my back with a lot of scar tissue, and another spot that gets sore easily, means that my entire body is involved. We all agreed that with the HAE better controlled, this is the last frontier for me in terms of reaching wellness. It’s time to deal with the cluster of childhood trauma/traumatic injury/chronic pain/and PTSD.

This takes us back to the beginning in a sense. It’s funny to say this now, but there’s a pill for this in my case. Something that I stopped taking back in 2001…

So now I take the medication as prescribed, and we wait and see. I’m in good hands. We have an exciting program planned for me.

But this means I will continue to be kind to others, and not let recent bad experiences change me. It’s time for me to built a lot of trust, even though I’ve struggled with trusting others for a long time.

During the pandemic I had a handful of interesting experiences dealing with others and clearly a lot of time to think about those interactions. I’m happy that life is slowly returning to a new normal. Dealing with the anxiety of others is challenging for me, and a pandemic heightened that while blurring boundaries for some.

I speak publicly, and can be very open in person, but this does not make me a doormat, and I do not appreciate anyone who feels like it’s ok to cross boundaries with others or push them around. Writing to me out of nowhere and essentially expecting me to do something for you when I don’t know you is out of line. If I write something like, “No, I’m sorry but that won’t work for me,” please don’t write back to me with your raging privilege because of your perceived intelligence, self-importance, and defensiveness.

I’m grateful for blocking features on social media, but I wish this had never happened in the first place.

Autonomy is something I wish we valued more. I very much respect the autonomy of others, and mistakenly have assumed that if I do so, others will do the same for me, but I can be very naive.

To say that the anxiety of another individual infected my childhood development is an understatement. I became overly autonomous because of it. In general, I’m a very adventurous and easy-going individual, and I very much believe in the right of everyone to be free to do what they need to do in order to be healthy and happy—but this means being kind to others, and for many, this means learning NOT to cross boundaries.

Also for me it means learning to know the difference between being passive versus just letting something go. I’m sloppy in this area, while I watch others around me jump down others’ throats unnecessarily and call it being assertive. It’s no wonder that the Surgeon General released an advisory this week on an Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States.

Narcissism and trauma surround us daily. We’re numb to them both. (Well, we are until we can’t take it anymore…)

And why do I bring this up on a gardening blog? I do so just to point out that many of us garden to feel better, to ease the anxiety, to soothe mental health issues or daily experience that plague us, and to create safe spaces. Freud would say that our craft allows us to sublimate our harmful impulses and feelings. I think that’s true, but clearly more complicated once you add groups of people interacting back into the complicated equation.

Before a recent interview for a podcast that I’ll be sharing soon, I thought long and hard about this and about dissociation.

There’s a fine line when we dissociate from reality, and for me, I had to enter into the deep end for many years just to survive. Plants very much re-entered my life at that point. I got out of that though leading up to when I became a horticulturist. Being able to live in the world again and to be able to feel has meant the world to me, but we’re all still in this, and I hope to read more substantive content that deals with these issues and reframes these topics in new ways in the months and years to come.

We have a lot to learn, and maybe plants can continue to teach us things…

A book I absolutely loved reading and will be rereading again: The Well Gardened Mind by Sue Stuart-Smith

An interesting article I just found: What IS Mind Gardening?

A Few Upcoming Speaking Events in WA State in June and September…

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Moving forward in life… Lots going on around here, and it was rough trying to choose a photo for the top of this post. I’ve not yet given many presentations like these!

I’m not on the yellow brick road, but I’m heading somewhere hahahahahaha.

Onward ho!

So, interestingly, both of these events are going to be held in Tacoma! It’s an honor to be asked to participate in both and I’m excited!!

First up we have the Point Defiance Flower & Garden Festival on June 3rd and 4th. I’ll be speaking around noon on BOTH days. The first talk will be about sowing, growing, and saving seeds, the second will be about growing a dry garden with plants for pollinators. And guess what, you can collect seeds from those gardens too!!!

Lots of other great speakers will be there so take a look at the roster on the site and come see us!!! (I’ll post a more detailed schedule when it’s up!)

Then on Sept 30th from 9-10:15am I’ll be presenting “Bringing Nature Indoors: Houseplants” at the WSU Master Gardener Advanced Education Conference being held at the Marriott Tacoma Downtown.

Once again, this is an honor, and I look forward to enriching this conversation with experiences from my time spent doing social work, combined with my work as a horticulturist.

So, I hope to see you there! If not, hopefully I’ll be finding more opportunities for future speaking engagements in my inbox in the months ahead!!!

Gardening with Cats and Hortlandia

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I thought I’d write a brief post about a little furry problem I currently have in the garden.

This is Alfie, our youngest cat, and he found a creative way to let me know when he wants to come back into the house. While the other cats either sit at the door, meow, or paw-pound at it loudly, Alfie jumps into my window box planter and stares into the room that’s my office and plant room.

He doesn’t meow, he just stares. Once we make eye contact, he jumps down, and brings a lot of old potting mix with him…

It is messy. It covers the dry area where the other cats enjoy sitting. It’s been terrible all winter.

So last weekend I cleaned one side up.

But next weekend I will finish this up. I’m at a loss as to what to do. Maybe I should put a shelf here, or build something. My aim is typically to do what the animal wants so it will keep them happy, and on the property. (My cats only are allowed outdoors when I am home and during daylight hours. Some days, they don’t go out at all. During the summer, the catio is the roof where they can’t jump down. This is all to protect them from the urban coyotes.)

Since Alfie was a farm rescue, kitten of a feral mom, he’s definitely a big thick muscular boy who lives his life a bit differently than my other cats. We named him well. All he has ever wanted is to be the Alpha cat, but Queen LuLu will hold that position for many more years.

Now back to regular programming. I’ve been slammed with work for the last few weeks with Sean and Preston gone to Australia and with plant sales starting. Both nurseries will be very busy soon when flocks of customers descend upon them.

This weekend its Hortlandia and so much more! If you’ve never been, and you’re in the area, be sure to check it out.

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (March 2023)

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‘Twas a long month last month… It was so long I’m late to post this, and it was so cold it induced a lot more numbness in my hands and feet than I’d like to remember. Overall, this spring has not made me smile much—yet. I hope it does soon. I suspect that it will, but the cold has created a frosty chill.

I want to smile again and feel more like my cheerful self. It was not a good winter, and to be perfectly honest, my holiday season was an overturned apple cart that I’ve not yet completely baked into tarts and pies. C’est la vie. We all have sudden surprises.

This is what happens after you’ve lived a bit of an isolated existence due to chronic illness for several decades. I’m learning life lessons later than is ideal, but I’m living. That is all that matters.

Life is change and turmoil.

Life is adaptation and renewal.

Life is death and birth.

Life is decay and decomposition.

In the garden, we find all of this, and at the start of April, I can say I’m finding myself in a garden revival here at home. I can no longer tolerate looking at certain mistakes, poor choices, and am trying harder to make better ones.

Gardeners often rejoice after making good choices. Some feel so overcome by this that they make dramatic career changes, or at least hope to do so. I suppose I did that at one point, but I care more about growing small crops, and working directing with crop propagation. As I work to design my garden with more intention, it’s funny how differently I feel about the plants. They reflect more of me, and I’m self-conscious about that.

There is no reason why at this point I shouldn’t feel self-satisfied about all of this. I’m working extremely hard doing additional strenuous physical labor on my days off. It’s the self-righteous smugness that ruins something like this, and any hint of my own ego stings. The egos of others in my industry is pain enough. So often they make me cringe. That’s part of any creative industry though. It’s funny how hyperaware I am of nipping any bad habits in the bud. Careful artful pruning is something I can obsess over for hours—days even.

Pruning with great relish, and rejuvenating my days, is bringing me great inner happiness. This last weekend I lost myself in the Buxus sempervirens. No, I’m still not smiling, and I don’t quite feel like myself again yet. I’m working on cultivating that too, at least I’m regrowing more of the me I missed so much. Like with any garden, it will take time and patience. For now, I’m happy to be slightly chilled, lost in the maze that is my own labyrinth of self discovery.

I will emerge when it’s time.

One: Who doesn’t love to see blooms in the spring? I honestly don’t have many, and I wish I had more this year. These Crocus versus ‘Pickwick’ flowers at least welcomed me home at the curb for many days.

Two: Each year I’m reminded of the green flower phase I went through years ago when I first planted my garden. One of the plants I found at a sale was Anemone nemorosa ‘Virescens’. It’s been a perfectly reliable plant for me and it has spread slowly.

Three: Pulsatilla halleri ssp. slavica is a new one for me. An alpine plant useful in containers and rock gardens, this one will be going into a nice hypertufa container and we’ll see how it does.

Four: It feels to me like I’ve been taking the same photo of this Viola glabella colony for years now. Originally purchased so I could sell the seeds of this native online, it’s not been a project that I’ve ever been able to harvest much from but the clump continues to slowly spread. Maybe this year, it will be “fruitful”.

Five: There’s no need to re-introduce the Queen of my plant-y realm, but if you’ve not yet met her, this is Camellia japonica ‘Black Magic’. I adore her.

Six: One of the things I take great pride in is being able to grow more ferns from spore. They’re all special to me. Sadly I’ve lost a lot due to doing too much at once and neglect, but these have made it! Cheilanthes wootonii aka Myriopteris wootonii—this one is a beauty.

Seven: Here is yet one more crop I’ve had in production so I can eventually offer seeds of it for sale online. Lunaria annua ‘Variegata Alba’ is not disappointing at all in terms of its variegation. I can’t wait to see it bloom.

Eight: I feel like this is always in my Top 10. That copper-colored new growth on the Adiantum venustum just gets me every time.

Nine: All of the seeds. There’s just too much ugly in my garden after this winter and I’m becoming keenly aware that I need to take pride in my expertise when it comes to seed propagation and to the importance of what I do. I have decades of experience now and I cherish to my core the other professionals in my world who’ve acknowledged, honored, and shared this keen interest with me. Domestically and internationally we’ve had private discussions about conservation and dissemination. I love seeds.

“Disseminate” being my word for 2023.

From Wiktionary: Etymology. From Latin dissēminātus (“broadcast”), past participle of dissēmināre, from dis- (“in all directions”) + sēmināre (“to plant or propagate”), from sēmen, sēminis (“seed”).

Ten: Lastly, I will add the hybrid Salix whips I bought for next to nothing off of EBay many moons ago. My living willow arbor continues to change and grow as I do, but this year I’ve had to attack the huge branches that I let grow too large, and too heavy. These threaten the integrity of the whole, and I got lazy, and was too scared to prune them off. Being scared can be a rush though when you have a chainsaw in hand. The crash could break things.

But what is worse, sitting back passively, doing nothing and watching nature take its course, or taking action? You decide. I mean we all make these choices daily, don’t we?

Knowing it might crash, and I might too, is scary. The odds are not in my favor since I waited so long, but I can still steer this ship ashore. And it’s not really a ship, so if I screw this up, I can begin again. That much I know to my core.

And yes, we all have that power to decide daily.

All I can say, is that it feels great to prune. Let’s grow.

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day—from a Gardener Lost in the Irish-American Diaspora

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The most popular post ever written on this blog is Fête de la Saint-Fiacre—and a prayer too. You likely never read it, but thousands of folks have since it was written in 2013. I wrote it for the saint’s feast day, and it was posted just a few days before I was married for the second time.

There is a subtext to the whole thing, something I couldn’t write about then, but I can, and will now, as the The Banshees of Inisherin plays in the background… Somehow, it’s very fitting.

I talk a lot about my Sicilian heritage, and my father’s side of the family, but that’s because I grew up knowing them, hearing their stories, and being taken care of by them. I was embraced as family.

Mom’s history is a wee bit more complicated and I’ll try to keep to the simple points here. Both her maternal grandfather, and biological father, had Irish roots, but this was not proven true until I had her DNA tested. When I saw these results for she and myself, I cried, and it still makes me cry. I get weepy just looking at the names of these places.

I very much enjoy history, dates, and facts. Growing up in a Catholic school, I knew Irish Catholics. They knew who they were and where the came from, and while I thought I might be too, I knew that my mother, and her mother, had stories, but not the kind with proof, or facts. One of the reasons I became so interested in family history as a kid, was to combat what I felt were stories being told to me about who I was, that I very much chose not to believe—until I had proof.

During college I met a young man a bit older than me, and I was flattered to know he’d taken any interest in me at all because I thought he was handsome and incredibly brilliant. He was taking graduate level courses and was drawn to my academic interests so he’d seek me out for conversations about modernist language, critical theory, and all things literary. I’m sad we lost touch when he went off to finish a PhD.

In one of his last messages to me that I recently found, he talked about spending the summer back in Portland and wanting to read to me while I gardened. Then he followed up with feeling like he’d been a bit too forward with me.

Reading that now, I’m the old woman happily looking back and remembering that time with great fondness. This was just when I was getting very ill. I’d spent the summer before in my garden in a hammock reading the complete works of Nietzsche, and was obsessed with my first rose garden planted amongst the industrial rubble that was my first back garden. Now I pay Audible to read to me.

From my back porch, I waved at the Amtrak train as it went by, and I had more roses that summer than I ever have had at any other time in my life. My swelling disease was changing my mind though. I had brain swells. I spoke slower. I couldn’t find the words for things, and after the summer of the complete works of Nietzsche, I barely read any books for well over a decade.

I crawled in order to garden. From the ground, I was able to master some serious rose pruning skills. It was the most devastating time in my life. I did not yet know what exactly was causing me to decline. My friend though from class, kept writing to me, and I before he left, I’d learned the sad stories of his family.

He was a proud Irish-American from Pennsylvania. His family had been coalminers, and life had not been great for them. Most of them had died from health issues, and for the first time I heard first-hand black lung stories. I remember when we met he called my mind and language Joycean, and he once said, “You are so Irish and you don’t even realize it do you?”

He was correct. He found me speechless in that moment, and oddly, year to year I’m still trying to get to know who my Irish people were—and are…

That comment stung because I wanted to tell him my story, but it wasn’t totally mine to tell. I was ashamed and confused by it. I’m much less so now, and as I come into thinking more about gardening and the natural world, and my love of horticulture, and the world of words, I want to go to Ireland more and more.

Great-grandma Lucy Caulkins Osborne (holding my mom) and Great-grandpa George Osborne. Grandma Lucy was a direct descendant of Hugh Calkins, while her husband was adopted by the sister of his birth father.

I’m a spaghetti Westerner. I say that a lot—and I mean it. The West is a concept. It’s where many of those who did not fit into the social strata of “the East” came to be free of the pressures they experienced there. My great-grandpa George is an interesting example of that. He never really belonged anywhere, and he lived that way, but he came west from Nebraska with his wife and family he loved, and he worked as a Pinkerton man, spying on the timber laborers in the bars of Aberdeen, Washington, while the family and everyone else just thought he was a ne’er-do-well who drank all day and lived off of the money his diner-owning wife made at her restaurant.

George and Lucy met as teens, then married and lived in a one-room sod house until just before the Dust Bowl hit. Grandma Lucy was descended from a man who arrived in the colonies in 1640, and George’s married birth father’s family had been in New York for generations. His mother was an Irish immigrant. He never knew his parents though, because he was sent to his maternal aunt and her husband. Soon after his arrival his adopted mother died.

We don’t know why his mother gave him away, but we suspect she was young and worked for the married man either in his home, or at his business. I would love to find out who she was though, and find out what her name was, and I think through her I have cousins, but it will take time to sort it all out. I may or may not ever find that time. Life is funny that way.

Dora Butcher and two of her children. My mother’s birth father is on the right.

My grandmother, daughter of Lucy and George, was married several times. To get out of her parent’s home, she made the not-so-brilliant choice of falling in love with the recently widowed neighbor with a daughter who lived next door to she and her family in Aberdeen, WA. Not long after, they were married and my mother was born. Before he entered AA, he was an alcoholic, and the marriage did not last long due to both of them not getting along. I’m happy to say that he went on to get sober and had a third marriage and a whole other family that we’re close to, but my mother and her two sisters (all with different mothers) didn’t get to know one another until their own kids were practically grown. They’re family now and it’s nice to have my aunts and cousins.

This grandpa has an Irish last name—one that can be considered more Orange or Northern Irish, so my mom always told people she was Northern Irish, but the truth is more complicated than that. We seem to have very little DNA associated with Northern Ireland at all and she was a Protestant because of her grandmother and her family—not because of the connections to Ireland.

Grandpa’s mother Dora had children by a few different men. The man on the left seen in the photo above was 1/2 Portuguese and she married his father when she was 12, in a timber camp in Northern California where her Civil War vet father took his two young children to live with him. (His second wife, their mother, had died in childbirth while he was an Indian agent after the war in Oklahoma.) So Dora, well, she made up a lot of stories about her life, but I can’t imagine what she lived through. I know her brother eventually disowned her. I found this out by writing to his daughters. They didn’t know anything about her and at first told me I was mistaken. That hurt.

I found no marriage certificate for Dora and the father of my grandfather. I found nothing on the birth certificate. I think I have heard his father died in a tragic accident and that doesn’t surprise me if he worked as a logger.

The only solid lead I ever had was that he may have come from coal mining country in Pennsylvania.

Sure, I could ask my family, but there are still a lot of stories. I’m no longer sure what hurts more to me, the truth, the continued avoidance of it to prevent the pain, or the semblance sometimes, of a desire for some kind of legitimacy. What matters to all of us seems to be not really knowing. It’s not easy to be ok with that, but I’m embracing it more as I age.

Additionally, my mom was a child who experienced extreme parental alienation so the concept of “the truth” hurts her in ways I don’t understand. Her entire reality and broken identity was based on lies her mother told her for years. Stories she learned to tell herself, making her own way in life, moving away, starting a family, healed her. She didn’t see her birth father much from the time she was 4 until she’d had her first child. They got through things though, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. He had always wanted to be part of her life, but Grandma had always told her that he never wanted to see her again. I’m glad that we talk about this kind of thing now, and folks like my mom can receive more help and support. We name it now. This experience damaged her a lot. It hurt many of us too. It was hard for me as a kid to explain to people why I didn’t know my birth grandpa well and he only lived 2 hours away. Even then, it was also a betrayal to Grandma to speak to him.

It was the first grudge of sorts I even knew, and it felt wrong to me as a child.

So I AM of Irish descent on both sides of my mom’s family. Disconnectedly so…

I LOVE potatoes. I devour oysters and fish. I sprinkle dulse on everything. I love wool and my fair skin feels ruddier by the day. I love nothing more than being near the sea and far afield. I could spend my cold dark nights in pubs with music and laughter. I can tell you with full certainty, I get all of this from my mother, as well as her knack for storytelling and love of jokes, and the pleasure I get from making someone else smile or laugh.

We are at our best when we’re acting like screwballs.

Mom just recently told me on what was nearly her deathbed that my work in the green world does come from she and her mother. Grandma Lucy liked to remark they were similar in that way and that they didn’t get it from her. Grandma and Mom are/were earthy.

But Mom stopped short of saying where they did get it—because no one knows the name of Grandpa George’s mom, and we don’t really know if that’s the source. We’re clueless. There is no evidence to back us up. She looked sad and small in a bed in the ICU.

Whoever she was, she and her people (our people) live on in us in ways that have enabled Grandma, Mom, and I to survive things with humor and a unique fortitude we don’t often see in others we know. I just cannot express how grateful I am for these gifts. Hell, I needed these skills just to negotiate the family issues!

Over the years I’ve been adopted by various Irish-Americans, and our family was adopted by the Irish priest that married my parents after he was semi-retired. Father B was so adamant about NOT wanting to die in Ireland, when his family took him home for the last time, we couldn’t say goodbye, and that kind of haunts me. Mom and Dad traveled to Ireland to be with his family after he passed, and while she did not yet know she had genetic ties to Donegal, she felt strongly about the region when they travelled there from Galway. She enjoyed Ireland a lot.

But one last story… This one is for Father B on St Patrick’s Day.

This is the story of how I learned what it meant to be Irish that one Easter when my father invited an English Lord, his wife, and her horticulturist son to our home.

We often had private Catholic masses at home, and Father B baptized my mother as Catholic after she’d had cancer the second time. Raised Protestant by her mother and grandmother, it was another challenge for me to deal with at school as a kid. Luckily I wasn’t my mother’s godmother until I was an adult, but this is all part of my Irish-American life, and I hope you’re laughing a little bit right now because you should be. Yes, I am my own mother’s godmother.

So, Dad published a fly fishing book written by this English Lord. The author had long wanted to visit the PNW, his wife’s son was moving to the US for a job at a large nursery in the midwest (he was maybe near 40 and unmarried) and so they decided to tour the county a bit before leaving him at his new home. (Sadly, I don’t remember his name or where he oversaw liner production. It would be fun to see him again.)

We’re a rather large family, and Easter brunch/dinner was going well enough. Father was NOT happy to have the English Lord in our home though, and for us, we didn’t fully understand. Father was always fun and chatty, but he was rather dour that day. To make him laugh a bit, I pushed back with our guests since I couldn’t stand to listen to the wife speak not-so-kindly of the United States. I kept changing the conversation back to plants and gardens. The more charming the horticulturist son found me, the more irritated she was at me. Father B started to perk up. Easter was becoming a bit more interesting to him.

Then we went downstairs to where our large dining table is setup. We were a group of nearly 20 family members. Things were going smoothly, and then we hit a rough patch. I don’t recall what was said, but the English Lord said something political that was not appropriate concerning England and Ireland (I think), and Father B lost it. He reminded him that he was in an Irish supporting household and that his father was proud to have been arrested for his work with the IRA. (I can’t recall what the connection was, but Micheal Collins era was part of his family’s history.) The English Lord apologized, and things settled down, but our family was a bit unsettled by it all. We’d never seen him act like that.

I rarely talk about that experience. It’s challenging to find the words for it.

Dad and Mom later apologized to Father B, and we all learned a bit more about him as a person, about his childhood, and his father. This is when Father B talked to me and explained that we were disconnected from Ireland, and he felt kind of responsible, and he wanted us to be better connected. We are part of the story of Ireland too, and he very much wanted us to feel included. Even then we didn’t know that the DNA was so strong, but he felt it, and had known Mom since she was 19, since before she’d made things right with her dad. He felt like a father figure to her, and he was like an Irish grandfather to me, but this might confuse many practicing Catholics. Our relationship with him was very close. He was mostly retired then, he had the funds to own a small home, and he chose to be alone instead of living with the other priests. He worked part-time, but he spent a lot of time with our family. He ate dinner with us, went to movies, came to all of our birthday parties, and we got to know his family. Mom became his caregiver more and more as he needed help. We were all there for one another.

So while this blog has been a lovely place to stir the pot, it is the post to the Patron Saint of Gardeners, Saint Fiacre of Breuil, that has brought many readers here. As Mom would say, “It’s a sign!” And when I say it’s the most read post on the blog, I mean it’s read A LOT more than anything else.

I don’t really think that it is a sign of anything other than folks searching and finding my prayer to the saint, but today, all I want to say is that I’m proud to have Irish heritage, and I’m sorry that the lives of my relatives were so challenging that my family ties, and bonds, were broken. But I’m a propagator after all, and I know what good can come from cuttings. It’s not always bad.

So, Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!!—from a gardener lost in the Irish-American diaspora (and from Mom too). Having said that though, I feel like I’m not so lost, and I look forward to hearing anyone’s comments on what it means for them to garden and to be Irish, or to garden and love plants and be of Irish-American heritage. (You can write to me privately too if you’d like to share your more painful family experiences if they’re at all like mine.)

As I work to craft a more finely-tuned garden here at home this year, I’ll try to add things that will help me to meditate a bit on this part of my life. My garden has always been designed more around feeling than seeing. Nothing about this part of my life has felt authentically true or comfortable to me though, so I hope, conversations about this will inspire me to try something new.

Mom and I at my 40th birthday party.
Here’s to Spring!! And happy gardening from Gayle. I can’t remember, but I think that is a Rosa ‘Dublin Bay’ off to the left.

Quick and Quirky Planty Book Reviews

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It’s funny how the books I’ve picked for this group work together—but they do. In a funny way this group shows more about me as a plantsperson and horticulturist than many of my posts do.

My garden is a laboratory… where I happen to work and play a lot.

1-Founding Gardeners by Andrea Wulf (published in 2011)

This book is a favorite. It shows American history from a fresh perspective, and it’s one that makes a lot of sense to me now, connecting the past to the present. It is well researched and I kind of expected it to be after hearing the author speak a few years ago here in Portland about her work The Invention of Nature: Alexander von Humbolt’s New World.

Even though I was not yet physically well when I went to hear her speak, her talk truly inspired me to strive harder to do more and to fight to feel better, so I very much have an emotional attachment to the work of this writer. Add to that, a good friend from college was awarded a Humboldt Research Fellowship, and again, my heart spills over a bit for this historian.

Described in this review as a revisionist work, I’m more than ok with that, but it’s by no means a radical interpretation. It just shows another side of men we are familiar with, and as a young country, it’s important to shade them in bit by bit as time passes.

As a horticulturist from the American West—the Pacific Northwest to be precise—a descendent of many original colonists, I know very little about the original colonial states because my family moved westward so long ago. We don’t cling to tradition so much here, although that’s changing more and more. This book helped me to better understand other horticulturists in older parts of the country, ones I interact with online, and am meeting with in person more and more now.

I appreciate this book for giving me a better framework historically. I need this as I will be visiting Monticello and Mount Vernon for the first time this year, and I hope to continue to visit other parts of the country in the years to come. I feel like this book has helped to create a much needed context for me, and I can do more “shading” in as needed as I begin to experience these places more.

2-The Cabaret of Plants by Richard Mabey (published in 2015)

Ahhh, a title that makes me feel awkward, but sex sells. This romp through the stories of many plants by a British naturalist was fun, but it was a wild ride from here to there. Like the other books in the group, it shows yet another facet of how I see the plant world that I work and live in. Honestly, it shows how many of my peers and mentors see things too. One minute we’re talking about this plant, and then the next, we’ve moved on to another from a different continent or region. The key is knowing the places, and keeping up.

This book was entertaining, and to grasp its overall appeal, all I can stress is that is shows you how to see plants maybe in a different and geekier way than you already do. So many folks first get into houseplants and containers they plant when they land in their first cozy home spaces, but their interest often stops there, on the pages of magazines, books, or online sites, with photo they’d like to imitate, idealized aspirations. This book will take you to “the next level” so-to-speak. It transports you up and beyond the pages into the deeper “lives” of plants.

I hate to say that this book anthropomorphizes plants, but it does give them a voice, one which I’m much more familiar with than that of a Garden Expert or Influencer. This book shows you a more professional world of plants, and honestly, one that I live in much more than I’d previously realized as I’m beginning to interact more with more consumers and folks outside of my work circles.

If you want to know more about the enthusiasm I so embrace, and the crazy connections made by my friends and I, then this is a great book for that. I very much enjoyed the writing, and I encourage you to read this great review of the book and its charm in The New York Times.

3-Dirt to Soil by Gabe Brown (published in 2018)

Read by the author, I enjoyed this book a lot. Gabe Brown is one of the most important agricultural leaders in the United States, and if you’ve not heard of him, please read more about him online. I’ve heard about people trying forms of regenerative gardening, but regenerative agriculture matters even more and we as consumers should be supporting these growers, and by doing so, hopefully more growers can return to this more natural way of producing crops. If you want to own your own regenerative farm, this is THE book for you.

My childhood garden mentor had studied soil physics. Yes, I was the unusual kid who wanted to learn about soil, and how soil mattered to my interest—which was plants. As a young girl, I spent many hours listening to my mentor talk about the American prairie, about the Dust Bowl, and about how we could fix things. He used to tell me over and over that studying native plants and the native prairies would lead to great things. He was way ahead of his time and very well already knew the destruction we’d caused by continuing to believe in destructive agricultural practices.

These discussion are what eventually led me to wanting to go to Duke University in the 1990s badly because they had an ecology program, and it is also part of what led me to visiting that campus just last year for the first time. (Their program is still one of the best in the world.) It’s kind of fun to write about all of this now and unload it from my heart and mind.

Having just finished this book, and having been prescribed the medication that could have allowed me to follow that path in 1992, I felt that it was only right to show up on the campus at least, and it felt right at the time to feel the feelings (to process them more), and this book thankfully had put me back into that frame-of-mind and I’m grateful for the happy memories and emotional closure. While I didn’t follow that path, I can still talk about and incorporate ecological landscape matrices into my work and writing as a horticulturist. To my very core, I see everything in this way thanks to my early childhood.

So getting back to the book, it shows step-by-step how one family took their ranch from “traditional” farming practices, to regenerative ones. I loved how it explained generational changes, and even farm inheritance issues. Many of us have quickly forgotten our own families that farmed, and yet this tradition is part of the subsidized core of the culture of this nation. It’s something I’ve really enjoyed thinking about during the last few years as I’ve listened to several of these texts at work.

It may not be a literary gem, and it can repeat itself a lot, but it’s meant more to teach the reader about something absolutely mind-shattering to some. I too often forget how stuck people become in how to to do things, or “this is how we do this”.

Gabe Brown is part of the soil-health movement, and when I read this book, in turn, I had discussions with others about soil. Horticulturists who are trained by science are more than aware about dirt to soil. Be one of those gardeners in your community, and support the soil-health movement. We talk about grassroots movements and it doesn’t get more “from the ground up” than this.

Soil matters.

4-Bringing Nature Home by Douglas W. Tallamy (published in 2007)

Ever the reader who will at first resist anyone right away who has a fervent fan base, well, Tallamy is one of those guys in this batch of books. I’ve only read this book, and look forward to reading his text on oaks, but overall, I don’t get the appeal so much. There is a lot of information in this book that does not apply to my region, and I don’t own 3 acres (or however many it was and which is not a sustainable idea to encourage people to believe that they ever will in the world that we currently live in). Most people I know don’t, and I think it says a lot.

He is a scientist though, and he’s done a lot of field research. What I agree with 100% is his core belief of planting native for the insects. Where there are insects, there are birds, and as we all know, bird populations are shrinking. Why do I care about the insects? It’s not just the birds, fish eat them too. It’s all part of a complicated web.

While some folks (who likely don’t read this blog) would say, “Who cares?”, this just returns back to the book above, to ecology, to science, and the matrix. (If you’d like a nice video on this, click here. To be honest, I could have watched this video and learned everything I needed to know and skipped this book.)

Planting for the good insects means allowing plants to be eaten, and in some cases, gardeners I know won’t like this because it’s unattractive to their mind’s eye. I do not care if the style of your architecture does not match the native plant palatte #colonialism.

This is a goofy stretch as to how I see the world, but I want life to thrive, I want life to dine, and I want to help. So yeah, this means sometimes not trying to control nature (something humans LOVE to do in the gardening realm and which makes me sometimes hear nails on a chalkboard). It means planting to keep a balance of all kinds of life species in your garden. It also means taking the time to better understand insects. I can hear the squealing now and I can see people running for bottles of sprays to kill things. Just chill out.

This book sort of addresses these idea, but in a way that I found dull. It’s very rigid and I found myself thinking constantly about the opposite arguments to his ideas. To my mind, that means the writer is not being fair and balanced and I don’t enjoy reading texts like that. It feels like prothletising or preaching. I feel like he’s about 20 years behind, and there were so many exceptions. I’m not a member of that particular choir.

Residential gardens and gardeners are sadly not all that important in the big scheme of things and to focus so much importance on our privileged lives and realms (land that we own) seems potentially too self-righteous and self-congratulatory for my taste. Virtue signaling irks me, and damn! does this guy sell a lot of books.

And in the blink of an eye, I’ve come to the end of another of these book review posts. I hope you’ve had fun. Oddly, I really enjoyed this one and look forward to do the next one in a few months.

Geranium palmatum (Canary Island Geranium)

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Like many Portland area gardeners before me—and likely after—I’ve tried to grow Geranium maderense in my garden with little success. Yes, those experiments could have been successful if I’d been lucky enough to own a larger garden with a greenhouse for overwintering large specimens, but I don’t have that kind of setup, so I need to work with what I have available at this time, and because of this, I just gave up on it.

Enter Geranium palmatum, also a large species plant, but one which I was talked into trying by a few of my garden blogging friends. My first impulse was to say no to the free starts. I was terribly reluctant because of the previous failures and disappointments. But then the prospect of it actually working took hold, and I wanted to save seeds from the experiment, so I committed to it for 2 years to see if it would work (it’s a biennial or short-lived perennial).

The fact that I was offered seedlings from someone else’s garden in the Willamette Valley said to me that I might have a chance with it.

Luckily, the experiment turned out to be an incredible success. The plant was a real hit in my garden last summer.

The first year it was just lush foliage—but it grew well. The plant start I’d received had been in a 3″ pot so I didn’t know what to expect but I was told that it would get large quickly. And it did.

Last winter wasn’t too cold or rough for it. The plant began to take off as we warmed up, and I was surprised that during the winter it had remained semi-evergreen for me.

Then it bloomed its head off last summer, and I enjoyed the show.

So overall, I wouldn’t call this an easy beginner’s plant. It will require some more advanced gardening skills to plant it in the correct site, but it’s worth the additional light mental effort.

(If you’d like to read a nice post about the two different species mentioned written by someone else, I really recommend this one.)

You don’t see this plant offered often at nurseries since it’s really just a small start of a plant that will look much different later in the garden. Nurseries can’t keep plants like this in containers for long, and they’re a bit of a financial gamble.

We had starts of Geranium palmatum for sale at Secret Garden Growers but there’s a waitlist now.

If you’re interested in purchasing seeds, they’re currently available in my shop: Spiffy Seeds (Geranium palmatum)

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (February 2023)

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Not feeling so great after a trip to the dentist so this post will be brief!

Nine hours later, and I’m continuing to deal with numbing and discomfort on the left side of my face. Yea-ouch!!!

One: Oh hellebores—they’ve looked great both before and after the snow storm. This photo is from before, but now that the snow has mostly melted, they still look great. Phew!

I would love to have some fancier leaved hybrids, and maybe a species or two, but I’ve not been really great about acquiring them yet. You’d think I’d know better! It’s not too hard to find them out there.

Two: Fragrance in the garden is something most of us enjoy—especially in winter when so much is still asleep. Sweet boxes are always great additions to shady areas, and additionally, they smell great!

I have a few different ones in the garden. This one is Sarcococca hookeriana var. humilis and it’s in the back garden. Since it’s a lower growing option it works well as a ground cover.

Three: The Goodyera oblongifolia aren’t looking great per se, but the one plant has now grown into many since it was planted!!!

This little native orchid is a favorite of so many folks, and while it can be a bit finicky in the garden setting, it doesn’t have to be.

This grouping lives under a large Doug fir and I’ve included other native plants nearby to keep the little group happy. It seems to be working.

Four: Of course I have to add a houseplant or two too!!! This is Streptocarpus UA-Retro. Ain’t she a beauty?

Hubba hubba!

Five: Love this tough hybrid and so do the hummingbirds. Mahonia x media ‘Winter Sun’ is an interspecific hybrid of two Asian species and is quickly becoming a favorite in my front garden.

Six: I don’t even remember how long I’ve had these Galanthus elwesii but it’s been for well over a decade now. They’re reliable and true for me, maybe not the most hard-to-find, but hey, I live too far away from Galanthus Gala to throw down too much cash on some of the more difficult-to-find ones. (Just kidding!!! That’s what the internet is for, right?)

Anyway, for now, these will do!

Seven: Another great winter plant in the garden, this Garrya elliptica ‘Evie’ came to me as a pet plant that had been trimmed into a lollipop topiary in a container. I’ve let it get a bit messy, and plan to cut it back now that the big show is almost over, but until then, you get this view of it. As a lollipop, it looks a lot like a dramatic chandelier. I can’t wait to see it look like that again.

Eight: Back in houseplant world, Dracaena masoniana aka Sansevieria masoniana has been putting on some new growth and each night I’ve looked at it with a bit of wonder. Kind of amazing how much the leaves can change over time. Plants are amazing.

Nine: So then the snow came… and I think that this is an Acer palmatum var. dissectum of some kind, I just don’t know which one. Mom bought it for me back in 2004 when we first moved into the house. It was a discount plant, from some random nursery in Clackamas County, and it was on sale because it had a very ugly graft.

I wanted it for the cats to hang out beneath it in the summer. For many years, they did.

Now, she’s my pruned princess.

And last but not least…

Ten: All of the plants. All of the plants are #10 on my list this month because I love them and feel terrible they had snow dumped on them. I know this is a subjective opinion, but it seems fair enough.

If not, well, I’ll blame the novocaine whenever it wears off.

Unintentional February Break—Part Two (The Deep Dive)

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Life hasn’t been all bad these last few weeks. I have much to look forward to this year and I intend to shine and use my talents a bit more than I’ve been able to during the last two decades. Maintaining my health came first and foremost. It took a lot of my time and energy. Thanks to medical science, I can grow a bit beyond all of that now.

I no longer need rest quite as much after I exert myself. It’s surreal to have more mental energy. I’ve been relearning how to use that time, and I’ve thought a lot about where I want to exert more effort. It’s time to create new memories, and to work on personal development beyond what I’ve been able to do.

I have been thinking a lot…

Not the most lovely specimen, but it’s an old hybrid that I inherited from someone and I look forward to it getting larger. I need to propagate it soon but it’s not yet bloomed. (Begonia ‘Tewksbury Red Compta’, introduced in 1940.)

It’s funny to have gardened here for so long and to not have completed projects. Before my health changed, I always accomplished what I set out to do. I want to wrap a few things up around here before I celebrate having lived here for 20 years in August of 2024.

I plan to ask for help though, and to hire help, and to finish projects that I’ve dreamed of finishing for a very long time. Last year I pushed on several things, and it really helped me to better enjoy my space. I don’t have the financial security to do anything dramatic, but I can be resourceful. I want to at least try harder.

Sitting in the NE corner of the back garden taking it all in at the start of the month. This space will be changing quite a bit soon. I want it in top form. It’s time.

The garden began, and was inspired by, the Islamic gardens of Spain, something kind of classical, something touching my roots—and likely those of my ex as well but we never tested his DNA. While I’m an Italian-American, like many others, I’m also of North African descent, and this is meaningful to me while it isn’t always to other Italian-Americans. (Yes, of course many of us have heritage from all over the Mediterranean!)

I had one Moorish ancestor in Spain who left for Sicily at the end of the Spanish Inquisition in 1612. I’m not sure of what he did for work, but I can only assume that he worked the land, and it’s what my family did in Sicily for many more generations. Spain was the first foreign country I ever visited, and that experience of better understanding my own “Otherness” at 20, changed and enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined.

We all come from somewhere, often, somewhere else… While my current husband was born in Italy, and is half Croatian, thanks to his DNA he now knows that he’s of Sámi heritage.

But he is ok with whatever I do in the garden. His nostalgia is always solely for his memories of Italy, and the garden here in Portland that his Italian mother made.

Who I am is very much reflected in my garden, and I’m proud of my heritage, and of the many who lived before me, and of the many I know little to nothing about…and for my own accomplishments and interests. This coming year, I plan to make this all more coherent, and enjoyable in my outdoor space as I borrow from these cultures, in a time when cultural appropriation has led to many uncomfortable but necessary discussions.

Felix was able to get out and see people a few weekends ago. He really misses being social and going places. As it warms up, he’ll do a few more nursery visits with me.

In the world of garden decor, there can be a lot of borrowing from other cultures. This is an issue I’ve not wanted to ever discuss publicly, but it’s time to do so from my own perspective, and I know that many want to “go to the garden” to escape such uncomfortable topics. The garden can be an escapist fantasy, and it can be an homage to a place you love, maybe even obsessively so. It can also be a place to showcase your wealth, status, and class, but for many, it’s about beauty, order, balance, happiness, and even pleasure.

With so many different ways of seeing and experiencing across cultures and people, it’s interesting to me how these visuals are then ranked and can be judged. For me, the real pleasure is seeing the complex network of factors at play here. Right now, we’re at an amazing crossroads and I’m enjoying being an observer. I’m also going to create my own ideas about design. Funny since I wrote a lot about art and design and was in a very significant relationship before my first marriage that I never speak about with a talented designer and artist who works in advertising. There was the other relationship too with an artist and now professor who was at Cornell and in now in NYC. I’ve actually been thinking about reaching out to him to have some conversations about my world. I come from a collaborative background and I very much believe in collaboration.

I know a lot more than I let on. Poor health forces you to make decisions. Years ago I decided to let it all go.

I’m not dead yet.

As one friend moves away from the PNW, another one is about to arrive. One evening recently I had dinner with these two goofballs. While I’m a bit older, thankfully I’m not old enough to be a parent to either of them. (L to R: Caleb, me, Evan)

How we communicate about these things, makes a difference. Recognizing that imperialism (and colonialism) in our hobby helped to create it in the first place matters. I choose to educate myself mostly through knowing where plants come from, how and when they were introduced, how they’re used at their origin, and how they’ve provided capital and discoveries to science and horticulture.

I’m going to push myself a bit to go beyond all of that this year. I know, how sad, right? Why would I want to lighten up after all of that serious stuff lol.

I don’t have to even worry about intersectionality like I did as a young woman. That stuff kept me up at night. I can focus now on the basics, and enjoying the life I have back now.

Nothing like discovering the rare Nesocodon mauritianus in a greenhouse at work. I vaguely remembered it being dropped off, but forgot who’d brought them to us. Am happy we’re going to try for seeds now to propagate more of them.

I don’t know a lot about the world of garden designers and design trends—other than the work of those whom I work for… So this year I intend to find some more designers afield that I really like, but that’s a whole other journey I’ve yet to embark on. I guess I’ll look for those who enjoy Marxist and epistemological analyses (kidding sorta!), but that may take some digging lol. It would be fun to learn some new tricks and hear others expound a bit upon why they do what they do.

For me, focussing on getting to know thousands of plants, the communities to which they belong, how they grow, the conditions under which they grow in the wild, and finally, how to propagate them in captivity is what has absorbed my attention. I’ll never know enough about all of these things, but I might as well join in the fun and create stunning combos while playing the thriller, spiller, filler game in my urban garden.

I hope I can afford this…

And at the same time I really do want to get to know the work of others. Maybe.

Sometimes it’s confusing when a planting by one can look so much like a planting by another. And then there’s the personalities, and I just want to know the plants! But I will persevere. I admire the courage it takes to become a designer or an artist. I couldn’t do that job with any focus at all. I very much enjoy what I do, making the plants that we all enjoy growing and getting to know that are not easily purchasable at most nurseries.

This year will be more fun though! I need fun in my life again. Don’t we all!?!

For me, this means I plan to go nuts with all of this and dance up a storm while wearing my headphones. I really want to play with plants again. I want to lighten up a bit, and for me, design and crafting objects is lightening up a lot. It will be about letting go…

Carving out a bit of a work space for me at work. While my desk is truly at home in my office, it’s nice to have this space, along with another in Plant Parenthood where I share space and work with Kris and Sean.

So, in addition to tracking a few plants along with the plant hunters, breeders, and botanists—just to learn more about my own field, that of propagation and production horticulture—I’ve become increasingly interested in the continued cultivation of older cultivars that are a challenge to find on the market.

While new innovations in breeding are fun, there are many great cultivars which simply are not found as often due to marketing and gaps in the market that occur over time. “New” is almost always more thrilling to a consumer on the hunt for something exciting and novel. “Available via wholesale” creates a stir too for designers and nurseries that are not doing their own production work. We need smaller nurseries to keep many of these older varieties going, but it’s a balance, and it takes true plantspeople to help keep the work of independent (or vintage) breeding work going. Keeping those genes out there is a good thing in a time when we’re producing a lot of tissue culture plants. Mix it up a bit. Believe it or not, but those genetics can be used again, and are often bred into another new, novel and improved variety. It’s a complicated and fun system to be part of to be honest.

When you’re out shopping this year, try a few of the old standards that are hard-to-find. You might really enjoy them!

Speaking of my coworker Kris, the primary propagator of all things cuttings related at Cistus, have I mentioned yet how much he cracks me up? As a fairly serious dork, I need this stuff in my life. Even Lando Calrissian apparently knows we’re “hott”.

And lastly, please don’t think that I’m overthinking all of this. I’m part of the Plant Nerd Herd (though many of my friends would NEVER want to identify as such) and I know it, and that’s ok! Diversity is good on so many levels, and it’s why being paired with a quick, sharp art school graduate like my co-worker Kris has been so much fun for me.

So 2023 will be the time to relax and play with plants in my garden and have some fun! I look forward to making the most of my space, and enjoying the beauty of the many plants I’ll have grown from seed again.

I know I’m valued in my corner of the green industry, and I look forward to reaching out more to folks I want to value and learn more about in the months and years ahead.

It’s time to leave the safety of my bubble a bit. Let’s all just hope I’m more resilient than some of the plants I keep under glass.

Unintentional February Break—Part One

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This won’t be a blow-by-blow post about what I did this month. I’ve felt soft and impressionable because of a few unexpected life events during the last few weeks. Both my husband and I had friends who passed away, and then one of my parents was suddenly hospitalized while I was away in Seattle last week. (They’re better now. Phew!) But, post COVID (yes, I went through THAT last month), this was all just a bit too much for me—but I’ve kept going. No one enjoys feeling fragile, and there are so many exciting things in the garden to look forward to in 2023.

Who knew #arctokitty wasn’t a thing? Well, it is now!

Laughing is the best medicine and when I realized that #arctokitty didn’t exist on Instagram, well, I worked hard to make sure it had at least a few photos. My sweet boy Oliver actually is a fan of the plant that’s beloved at Cistus Nursery where I work, and he’s known to lounge in my neighbor’s back garden where she has a bit of a chaparral meadow going on. My #arctokitty really does love manzanitas aka Artctostaphylos. It’s been fun realizing this as the plants have all grown and so too has his interest in them.

The only plants I saw during my COVID vacation were these two in the bathroom (a Tillandsia and unknown Philodendron hybrid), and a few in my bedroom. I’ve grown to enjoy this indoor plant combo more and more as time has gone by.

Contracting COVID-19 last month really messed up my momentum and threw me behind. I lost a lot of work hours, I had fog for a few weeks, and regular plant maintenance didn’t take place. This month I worked an 8-day work week for the first time, had to prepare for my online talk through Heronswood, and then had to pick the begonias to take up to Seattle for my DIY seminar. Throughout all of this, I just wanted to hide but I kept going and am glad I did! I got through it all!

Alfie is rarely on the fence about anything. He’s an aggressive chonky Alpha cat who loves nothing more than attacking the other cats, eating a lot, flopping on the heat vent on the floor, and snuggling.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and tasks, I chose to experience being present and accepted where I was at, and then thanked the stars again and again for Orladyo. This month I reached the 6-month mark and it’s been amazing to discuss the changes with my medical team. The next 6 months will be good too, but I can expect less dramatic shifts in my health.

Yet another interesting chance seedling out of the seedling crop I grew at Cistus Nursery. We’re not sure if it’s a dud just yet. Now we wait and watch. I wonder what color the flower will be…

At the start of February I was happily back at work again. I jumped right in to catch up on tasks such as seed sowing and making divisions of things out at Secret Garden Growers. Right now I feel pretty happy with it all, but it was not easy at first. I’ve lost some valuable time this winter, but this is the season in horticulture where things can be extreme in unexpected ways. While many gardeners are at home and bored, I’m working like crazy making plants for them to purchase in the coming weeks and months.

What a fun theme for the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival.

The other big event this month was just like last year—but I was even more excited hoping to see the city of Seattle come to life again. We were not disappointed. Many more attendees were there, the hotel was vibrant, and restaurants were filled. The excitement of spring was in the air—even if we have a cold front moving towards us, again. So many friends and acquaintances were speakers this year. It was a wonderful event and I’m more than grateful to have been included.

The mess I left at the end of my DIY seminar on growing and propagating begonias. (I promise a group of friends and I cleaned it up.)

My DIY seminar was fun but the clock on the table ended up telling me the wrong time so I went over a bit. Last year questions from the audience were a bit scary, but this year, I very much enjoyed them. It’s funny how little I speak to the general public. Even with a blog here on the web, I tend to speak to the same audience, primarily other horticulturists, and a few avid gardeners, many of whom are local and good friends. It’s nice to share information, and I look forward to more talks in the future although I’m pretty much taking a big break until fall.

That’s good news for the blog though since I will be catching up on projects and plantings that I can write about. Time off in bed had me thinking a lot about comments from mentors that I’ve received, and it’s had me thinking more and more about how to move forward professionally too. There are no big changes, it’s just a matter of growing a bit more.

Bed rest and self-care techniques are all I have now as I keep moving forward into spring. I can’t wait for the months ahead, but I need to take care of myself and learn to be a better advocate for my needs and concerns.

So this was the main core of the last few weeks, lots and lots of work, maintenance of my plants here at home, plans for my garden for the next 6-8 months, and going to the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival to learn from others, meet new folks, talk to others, and hug my friends and let them know how much I value having them in my life.

While this may not sound like gardening, it’s been all about gardening, but in that contemplative and thoughtful way we so often sink into during the winter months.

Winter is all about tending to our inner gardens.

To Be Continued…

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (January 2023)

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One of the greatest joys to see each winter in front of the house—Camellia sasanqua ‘Yuletide’.

One: Not much likely needs to be written about why anyone would love a Camellia sasanqua ‘Yuletide’ in winter. Thanks to my quick thinking last year after it bloomed, I pruned it again, and I’m glad that I did! The shape the two shrubs had was off, and heavy snow could have damaged them, but not now after some improved branching and balance. I just love those fragrant red blooms with their yellow stamens. This is one of those shrubs that always gives hope to those who get the winter doldrums. Spring is on its way. USDA zones 7a-10b.

Sadly, I can’t recall where I got this, but I think it was a gift from a friend in California. Agave bracteosa is an absolute favorite and it loves this warm and cozy spot in from of the house.

Two: While I love agaves, and find them to be otherworldly at times, I just don’t have the strength to containerize and move them about to keep them looking fresh. Yes, we have hardy ones here (if planted correctly with A LOT of sharp drainage) but I have not focussed on them as a focal point in my garden even though they are in A LOT of Mediterranean gardens. I think this is Agave bracteosa ‘Calamar’. USDA zones 7-11.

Navelwort came home with me from the greenhouse at work. Also known as Umbilicus rupestris, it’s an adorable little thing that I’ve let naturalize in the moss on my back steps.

Three: This is one of those cottage garden classics from overseas in Europe that you frequently see poking out between stones in walls or stairways. It’s in the Crassulacaea family and has fleshy leaves with tall tapering spire-like blooms. The seeds that leak out of the dried capsules are teeny tiny, and dust like. Their minuscule size enables them to be carried on the wind, blown about, and they appear to germinate best when they land on horizontal or vertical patches of moss. Often found in Ireland, I like to believe this little weedy thing better connects me to my roots a bit, ones that were lopped off just a few generations ago. USDA zones 7a-10b.

Hypertufa containers are something I have A LOT of thanks to my good friend Alex. This is just one of the few that I’ve been able to successfully plant with an alpine plant. Euphorbia clavariodies is a South African succulent.

Four: One of the most wonderful things about last year was meeting some of the alpine plant folks. Moving more into that world makes a lot of sense to me, and it is something I avoided for many years. When the crevice garden was build at Cistus Nursery, I had important conversations with the builders—all talented horticulturists on their own, really a “dream team”—and it felt good. Like many of the things I’ve been doing during the last few years, it sutured an emotional wound. Kinda fun to tell new friends that if it hadn’t been for my poor health I would have met them up high in the mountains decades ago. While that vulnerability was painful at first, letting down my guard led to a warm welcome and I’m happily enfolded now, embraced.

What does this mean? It means that I need to grow more alpines and master techniques. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of spots in my garden to do this well yet, but I’m working on it. As of right now, I’ve only successfully been growing a few in containers, and this is my favorite one! Euphorbia clavariodes, from the Drakensberg Mountains. USDA zones 6-10.

This mount with a Rhipsalis sp. has been outside most of the winter. I only bring it indoors when we’re going to be 30F or below overnight.

Five: As always I have a porch filled with plant experiments setup in order to study just how cold hardy they are here in Portland. It’s not a bad thing to do if you have the time to move them in when it freezes—or if you don’t mind if you lose a few things. My projects include orchids, ferns, Hoyas and a few other epiphytic plants. My friend Carlos has encouraged me to mount more, and he’s right. I kind of lost my focus last year and still have a few great mounting projects to complete that I’m excited about for this year. If I begin them now, they’ll look fantastic in a few months. USDA zones 9-10.

This easy conifer needs to be transplanted soon. Microbiota decussata looks its best when it can cascade.

Six: If I could have a larger garden, I would have more conifers. I just cannot say how important they are as bones in the garden. While I understand some can fry here in the Willamette Valley during our hotter months, I do not mind watering them. (Yes, not all of the PNW is a lush forest nor should it be.) This is not a popular opinion, I know, but there is just something comforting to me about them, and that’s likely my knowing how much they thrive here during the other three seasons. As a good designer would say, a good design, and even a great design, will give you a sense of place. No, this is not a native conifer, I know, but it is a beautiful one, that is easy in a container, can take some tough conditions, and can work well with other plantings, and yes, it gives off that lush woodsy feel. Usually it bronzes up a bit in winter. This year though, well, it hasn’t much. USDA zones 3a-8b.

What a sight to see Tanacetum densum ssp. amani popping up with fresh foliage in January!

Seven: When I planted this Tanacetum densum ssp. amani I worried it would look tattered along its edges during the colder months. Well, here it is after a cold spell and during the month of January in a protected but exposed spot in the most xeric spot in my garden. Those feathery leaves, combined with its tenacity, remind me of yarrow, but this plant is so much prettier and so much more lush. It will thrive in warm, sunny spots in the garden. Later this year I’ll enjoy its yellow blooms. USDA zones 4a-11.

Unknown Arctostaphylos x in my garden this winter. This was a random one from work that had the wrong label so we’re not exactly sure what it is yet.

Eight: This is still a funny shrub to me. It’s in the wrong spot in my garden since I don’t have a lot of pink in the front garden, but hey, it won’t matter what’s blooming out there in the wintertime. (My arbitrary rules only apply for 8 months of the year. January is not one of those months. Hahaha.) I wanted folks walking by to see this beauty and ask me more about manzanitas, because you know, I might happen to work at a place that’s well known for our selection of them.

Part of me kind of wishes my entire front garden was filled with them, but I like other plants too much, so I only have this orphan from work. The funny part though is that Sean gifted me with several Arctos over the years that I promptly killed since I depended heavily on a sprinkler back then and drowned them.

I’m so glad those days of wasting so much water are over. USDA zones 7-9.

Pittosporum divaricatum looks like a giant scribble ball in the landscape. Nothing says Seussian landscape like a giant scribble ball!

Nine: A beautiful and unusual New Zealand plant for the fun folks out there. Pittosporum divaricatum is the perfect plant for a garden inspired by Dr. Seuss or Studio Ghibli. (Doesn’t it look a bit like a giant soot sprite (Susuwatari) from the films My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away?)

Okay, maybe the playful description is not for everyone, it can be classy too. I see it as a plant that both stands out in the front garden, and yet it blends in too. I love how it looks great year round. It may have tipped over a bit last year when it was top heavy after some snow and ice, but after it had a little posture correction, it is doing even better. USDA zones 8a-10b.

One of the more adorable and fuzzy gesneriads, Sinningia bullata.

Ten: Not a hardy plant, but I’m trying to add one greenhouse or houseplant to each of these Top 10 posts. Another of my Brazilian Sinningia plants, I just love this one and its incredible leaves. Named “bullata” due to the upper surface of the leaves, which are bullate, the fuzz beneath them is a bit like something you’d see in a sci-fi movie like that classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Plants do so many incredible things and this thick wool-like fur keeps the pests away, so why not admire it for being both assertive in its survival techniques, as well as looking all gussied up. USDA zone 10.

Yacón (Smallanthus sonchifolius)

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Last autumn my friend Evan moved from Castle Rock, WA to the Portland metropolitan area. Most of the moving took place while I was still away in the Carolinas, but I made sure to have at least a day or two set aside to help transport whatever they needed, and to help wrap up garden tasks. On the last day helping there, the last task was to dig up some yacón, a crop I’d only heard about, and one which I was eager to learn more about. Since I finally ate some this week, it seemed like a good time to mention the delicious New World tuberous treat.

Evan holding up the plant before we chopped it back to harvest the two kinds of tubers.

Evan wrote about the crop before, and I encourage you to read the whole post of theirs since it’s loaded with additional information as well as growing notes for the other crops they trialed a few years ago. Since I’ve only just tasted this, I don’t know yet how to grow it but we did harvest this one huge plant and boy did it NOT disappoint!

The flowers are definitely not very showy and are considered insignificant but they were sweet to see on that cold autumn day.

When we dug the plant up, I asked questions but didn’t retain the information since it was a long and cold day. What I remember though was that one plant ended up producing a lot of tubers and that it sounded like it wasn’t very difficult to grow. My hope is that the tubers I kept to grow at my community garden plot will sprout well and I can continue to keep this one around.

What I learned during a followup with Evan this weekend was that the original start was most likely purchased at the garden show in Seattle a few years ago from the Raintree Nursery booth.

Since then Evan kept it going and now hopefully Tamara at Chickadee Gardens and I can keep these going. (We passed on most of the propagative tubers to her, but she and I both got some so no pressure.)

In the post that Evan wrote above, the nursery Cultivariable is mentioned, and I will add that this is not just a resource for edible tubers you can grow, but it’s also a fun site just to sit and read the content. From potatoes to yacón, oca to mashua, ulluco to sunchokes, this is the resource! If you’re looking for potato species to grow for ornamental purposes (since most don’t taste great), again, this is the place! Or if you want to grow the potato (Solanum jamesii) native to the American SW, again, this is where you can find it. (Though the grower makes it clear that this is not a reliable food crop.) Luckily they sell many other interesting ones you can try—but as in vitro platelets it seems, so dare to be different! Why not!?!

While I wish that I could give you some amazing photos of a dish I made with these big beauties, I must confess to only having eaten one of the smaller ones fresh today. After we harvested everything, the propagation bits had to be separated and then we had to store the edible tubers so as to increase their tastiness. Well, even with a diminished capacity to taste and smell right now, I very much enjoyed the sweetness of the tuber I ate raw this afternoon.

Additionally, due to being in COVID-19 isolation, I can’t go to the store. Yes, that’s right, we’ve finally been hit with the modern plague here at home and I cannot yet go to the store again.

So, what did it taste like? It was delicious! Will I eat them again? Absolutely!

Once I’ve chosen three recipes, I’ll add them here in a post. I plan to make a few different dishes to see how different preparations change the taste and flavor. (If you have a favorite, let me know in the comments!)

So until then, stay warm out there and dream about the tasty tubby tubers you can grow in your garden this year!

Quick and Quirky Book Reviews

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So—just for funsies—I’m reviewing books again. The bad news is that I have quite a backlog. For many years I barely read at all, but during the last two years, I’ve become a fan of Audible.

Most of what I read is plant-related writing, but you’ll notice there are literary additions. Writers from the South have long held my interest, and as I continue to foster my own relationship with that region, I still savor the graphic and dramatic writing of the region’s best writers as I did when I was young.

As for what’s going to make this fun, I’m going to be honest—brutally honest! I could look up and read long summaries and analyses of each book, rehashing them to sound clever as I would have in a literature class, but this is a blog post. I hope to share more with you about the impressions I’m left with long after listening.

1-The Living Mountain by Nan Shepherd (written during the 1940s, published in 1977)

This is some of the best writing I’ve read in years. It’s written in a poetic prose by a woman who can be considered a modernist writing about nature in the Highlands of Scotland. When pressed to compare it to another, the first name that popped into my head (one I have not uttered in decades since I included it on my surrealist literature syllabus) is: Djuna Barnes. Most readers tend to dislike modernism and often refer to it as not being accessible—but I’m not one of those people.

Modernists didn’t always want to leave you with a narrative story. Frequently, there’s no instructive lesson, or clever twist. Through words, through literary devices, they left readers with feelings, experiences, showing us that words matter and can be used in novel ways. This book does that with hiking in the mountains. I’m left with beautiful impressions more than anything else. It literally felt like I was there too. My skin felt the wind, my eyes saw as she did.

It has inspired a cult of Nan, and I recommend listening to the version of it I heard, as read by Tilda Swinton. Who doesn’t want Tilda reading to them and she of all people can mouth the names of Scottish places much better than I.

2-The Violent Bare it Away by Flannery O’Connor (1960)

Writing sometimes needs to be dramatic. Or at least for me, sometimes I enjoy drama and action in a story. If there needs to be a moral twist, and something real to fill you with disgust and rage, then Flannery O’Connor might be the writer for you. She reminded me of Truman Capote when I was younger, but less so now. For this reason, to see how her work felt to me as an older woman, I wanted to return to her novels decades later to better understand her realism. She has deeply influenced my own interest in writing for years, but I’ve never been able to explain exactly how or why. (I’m still working on that.)

I first read her famous short story “A Good Man in Hard to Find” as a student around 1995. To this day, it is still one of the best short stories I think I’ve ever read. This story, as well at the work of Capote, led me deeper into the connection I’ve long had to the Southern Gothic genre. Don’t get me wrong though, O’Conner was a devout Catholic, and her writing is religious, but NOT AT ALL in the way that you’d think. That’s kind of the twisted bit.

For me, as I’m returning to being a reader (and more of a writer) after two decades, I’m seeing both activities completely differently than I did beforehand. I don’t want to give too many details of this story away. I only want to say that it goes awry, showing the worst ways in which religious beliefs can change the lives of ignorant people, infecting them, leading them to violent acts, ruining everything that could have been good about them, while destroying the lives of others.

Like her short story that I love so much—with one of the best lines in American literature that to this day has left me haunted since it concerns gun violence—this novel too will leave you with questions for a long time to come, and for me, it’s a window not only into the culture of the American South, but into who we are as animals with speech, memory, and opposable thumbs.

3-Second Nature by Michael Pollan (1991)

My mind is nearly always in contrarian mode so when a large number of people like anything or anyone, I question why. I always begin with the same question, “What is it about this writer’s voice, or this style of thought (or design) that’s made it so popular right now?” While this may sound like a dull way to spend one’s time, I’ve found that it’s created conversations worth listening to, and still, to this day, I’ve learned a lot by thinking about this, and bringing it up as a discussion with others.

There is likely no need for me to introduce any of you to Michael Pollan. He’s written many successful books, on a wide range of topics. I didn’t want to like him. I didn’t automatically enjoy his own narration of his book. His assured tone bothered me at first, it felt very cocky and privileged, but as I continued listening, I very much enjoyed the way in which it was crafted and the stories about himself that he’d chosen to tell. He’s good at this game.

His studio in the woods of the NE was sort of a sensitive and yet manly version of Thoreau. What he tied into this though was an introduction to some basic practices (and frustrations) in gardening that he’d learned over the years, combined with chunks of memories, tied up with facts, a lot of cultural history, and honestly, some amusing anecdotes about his family and childhood.

He is a contemporary voice and his garden writing is interesting when he does it. I hope his work inspires others, and I hope it can encourage new voices.

4-The Well-Gardened Mind by Sue Stuart-Smith (2020)

My first purchase on Audible was this title so I read it not long after it came out. I immediately identified with the author on several points. Having also had a member of my family damaged by war who spent his life dealing with his PTSD by gardening, combined with the fact that I worked in social work, helping many people in crisis, always trying to encourage anyone I saw suffering to be in the green world, to spend time quietly engaging in fostering life, this book spoke to me and I remember thinking if I’d held it in hand, I would’ve been underlining lots of ideas.

Sometimes the book was a bit choppy though, and it felt a bit like reading case studies. Passages felt more like summaries in scientific papers—but so it goes when the author is more of a physician. The medicalization was sometimes difficult for me, but that’s only because at the time I read this book, I was still in the midst of my own seemingly never-ending illness narrative that went on for decades. It just wasn’t a great time for me to listen to it.

I don’t blame anyone (including myself) for not having the patience at times to empathize well with the suffering of others. The pandemic has really given us all thin skin in this department. Recently I learned about compassion fatigue and while this book was wonderful, I felt a bit drained by the end of it. As I continue to walk away from the medicalization of my own life experience now, I think this book might feel a bit less heavy to me.

So maybe this little review is not completely fair, but I do think that you need to be in the right frame of mind to really enjoy this one. There is a lot to value in it, and I very much agree with what the author has to share.

A Few Takeaways from 2022 and Good Intentions for 2023

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There were a lot of lessons learned in 2022—at least for me. One of my observations as the year closed was just how much everyone hated the year. While it had its rough spots, the year was one of the best in my life. I finally was prescribed a medication that’s changed my life for the better. I worried a bit that it would have me sinking into an emotional quagmire. If I’d been able to take this medication when I was 18, my life would have been radically different than it is now. I would not be in so much debt. I would likely not have had the same failed relationships. I would have an advanced degree (or two). Who knows, I may have somehow been able to have had a child. Maybe.

My takeaway from this experience was that I didn’t feel sad at all. I felt strong. I realized that with some distance and calm, I’m proud of myself. What I have lived through is something I could never go through again.

My takeaway from 2022 is that I reached the end of an experience that was incredibly lonely and painful. That part of my life is over.

While you may think this has little to do with horticulture and gardening, sure that’s true, but it has a lot to do with my writing and the work I do.

Other takeaways?

I love my Jeep and can’t wait to take Felix camping again.

And I have some of the most incredible friends I’ve ever had in my life right now. They all helped to made 2022 incredible in so many ways. The list is so long I can’t pick favorites, or mention special moments. All I can say is that when you have a network, a community, you feel safer, happier, loved, and held tight.

In 2022, thanks to so many, I often felt like the luckiest woman alive.

What I Foresee in 2023

The current plan is to show the depth and breadth of my knowledge more online. The world of horticulture is changing, and it’s an exciting place to be.

New voices are emerging, and what we’ve known as garden writing has started to lose a few of its outdated clichés. I plan to keep pushing along the edge in this regard, doing what I’ve been doing, pushing the boundaries.

Having had issues with gatekeepers last year, I’m not going to stop pushing forward. In addition to some backlash, I received a welling up of support from professional colleagues, so I’m even more comfortable right now when it comes to saying what I feel needs to be said.

Since I work and commute nearly 40 hours a week, this limits the amount of time I can spend on posts, so I’m going to attempt to use my time more efficiently and produce better posts. I have photos from the last few years that were never used and there are trips and visits I never wrote about, so I will revisit them too!

I’m still not sure about my upcoming trips. I’m unsure about Open Garden events too. I may take the year off from being available to the public here at home to focus on some necessary re-plantings and re-building the new seed shop Spiffy Seeds.

2022 had some big surprises, so who knows what 2023 will really be like… My heart and mind are pretty much open to anything right now.

So stay tuned and thank you for visiting my site!!!

Hemiboea subacaulis var. jiangxiensis in the greenhouse at Cistus Nursery. Stay tuned on this front. We should have a new website soon!!!!

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (December 2022)

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(This is the last post of 2022 and I want to thank everyone who’s been here to read something I’ve written or posted during the last 12 months. This has been a wonderful year and I look forward to many new and wonderful adventures AND PLANTS in 2023.)

Camellia sasanqua ‘Silver Dollar’ in the garden at the start of the month.

One: This Camellia sasanqua ‘Silver Dollar’ has been in the garden for many years now. Originally purchased nearly two decades ago at Cistus Nursery, it’s going to be available there again thanks to cuttings from my plant!

This fall bloomer is a peony form bloom and was originally developed by Nuccio’s Nurseries. It’s been a bit of a slow grower, but I don’t mind. These blooms are elegant and are worth the wait.

Lapageria rosea ‘Alba’ currently spending the winter in my Seed Studio.

Two: The Chilean bellflower, or copihue, is the national flower of Chile—but this is its less common white form. Typically seen in red, you can also find it in a few pink variations. The fact that it’s only hardy to USDA zone 9, combined with the fact that it’s also a fall bloomer, kind of limits the range in the US where it can be grown well.

So, this is not a vine you find in cultivation often. Combined with its limited range, the plant is also difficult to propagate. I know this personally because I’ve grown a crop from seed—thanks to the pollination work of my friend Evan.

This white flowering vine belongs to a friend of mine, and is on loan to me in order to propagate it. Sadly, I’ve not worked hard on this project yet, but it’s a priority right now. So far I’ve layered a few of its vines at the base of this large container. Next, I plan to air layer it for the next year or so. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

If we were to take cuttings of it, they’d basically take a year too. Without a cool mist area during the summer, success will be a challenge in this climate. So, of course I’m trying to pollinate the flowers again too but they’ve not been taking…

So let’s just sit back and admire this slightly frustrating stunner…

The new Rhododendron ‘Medusa’ awaiting her placement in the garden.

Three: Ok, maybe not the most stunning photo of this Rhododendron ‘Medusa’ but it’s a pleasure to have it home with me now. I recently acquired her from my friend Evan, after they moved out of their family home just before it was sold. We’d been planning for it to be transplanted to my garden since the gorgon is a symbol of Sicily, and I’m really excited to have her here.

We’ll have to wait to be “stopped in our tracks” though. She still needs to be replanted in order to fully bloom again. It was just very sweet that it at least was making an attempt this month.

Salix x ‘Swizzle Stick’ in the display garden at Secret Garden Growers.

Four: Not all of these Top 10 plants are at home. I decided some were going to have to be at work too. I spend enough time at both nurseries that I do become attached to certain things. This tree is one of them.

There’s just something about a willow tree. This is a smaller selection of a corkscrew willow and there’s a lot to love about that. It’s definitely more compact, and it’s a tree with a lot of seasonal interest.

I just want to make arrangements with those branches. Aren’t they great?

I don’t have the room for something like this at home, but that’s ok, because I can enjoy it at work. (And I bet I could clip some branches too if I really needed a few.)

Someday soon this Trachycarpus fortunei ‘Wagnerianus’ will be like the palms of Venice. You’ll just be able to see it as it peeks above my fence when you walk by on the sidewalk.

Five: Another one of my Cistus Nursery plants, this palm came home with me when it was quite small. Now, well, let’s just skip ahead a few years and it’s going to be a real stunner in the garden next summer. Come to think of it, it’s quite a stunner right now!

With so many smaller plants that I’ve purchased over the years, it’s fun to watch them grow up and fill in. Watching the space change is part of the true magic of gardening.

Having just had another storm with heavy east wind and ice I’m happy to say that this palm seems to take it all in stride. I can’t say that about the other trees I have out there, but I can replace any that don’t quite make it.

While the Pseudotsuga menziesii (aka Douglas fir) still looks a bit odd since we lifted its branches up, that pruning work helped it sail through the recent wind and ice like a champ.

Six: While I don’t completely LOVE having a giant tree right next to my home, it is nice during the summer, and I believe people should plant trees to cool their homes naturally when the space is available to do so. This side of the house faces west and it does a great job of blocking out some of the extra sunlight on those long hot and dry summer days.

I worry about removing it, but until then, we’ll just take care of it and enjoy it.

This month though, it’s been fascinating to watch it survive all of the wind and ice. It bends and sways and does drop some branches, but overall, it’s built to do so.

So this December, it’s just been a natural wonder to watch.

Berries on a Danae racemosa in my back garden. I collect and clean these seeds to sell at Spiffy Seeds.

Seven: This evergreen asparagus relative has long been a favorite of mine. Grown from seed, it’s taken a few years to get this large. Like other asparagus-like plants, it too has bright berries, and I love how they look in late fall.

This is a drought tolerant plant from the Eastern Mediterranean, and the Middle East. It’s commonly called poet’s laurel and is one of the plants frequently depicted in ancient art. That, combined with the fact that it’s most importantly grown from seed, landed it here in my garden.

The native Vancouveria hexandra ground cover took years to fill in, but this year it has fully matured and the subtle fall color was wonderful.

Eight: I can’t remember how long ago I planted this native ground cover, and I’ve overlooked it for years. Suddenly though, it really filled in this last year. This pleased me because it struggled partially because I didn’t want to water that area often during our drier months.

Then I guess it suddenly established itself. It settled in and got comfortable. The swath of dappled fall color was nice this year. It’s one of those plants with a bit of wiggle to it, and I love movement in the garden, especially whenever it’s planted betwixt more stationary plants.

Begonia ‘Snow Flurries’ is a cane begonia that usually has “flurries” of white blooms each winter.

Nine: Back inside the house, there’s ALWAYS a favorite begonia right? Considering my fine collection of more than I’m even aware of right now, this cane is one of my favorites. Bred by the late Brad Thompson, it was named and released in 2001 by Paul Tsamtsis.

I tortured it a bit so it’s not blooming quite as well as it did last year, but trust me, it can absolutely look like there are snow flurries. There were lots of panicles of white blooms last year. While they did put on a show, they also made a mess on my floor, but it was a beautiful mess.

Not sure if it will travel with me up to the Northwest Flower & Garden Festival in February for my DIY Stage seminar covering begonias!

I get to work on that presentation this weekend, and I’ll begin to arrange the contenders for the big show! I am SO excited about it!

The key to any of my public appearances is that I’ll be sure to give it a bit of an unexpected twist. What will it be this time? 🙂 Stay tuned!

Several of my Sinningia leucotricha seedlings coming back to life. Time to repot them!

Ten: Gotta love a gesneriad too! You know, because I have a few of them. A few years ago I grew several Sinningia species from seed and this was one of my favorites. I sold various ones at the recent convention in Tacoma, but kept a few for myself and for our local Gesneriad Society chapter.

Sinningia leucotricha is an adorable fuzzy wonder.

So, that’s my Top 10 for this month and again, thank you so much for being a visitor to my site and dropping in on my plant-y life!

Oh, and here’s yet another cat in my life. We all know that the internet loves cats, so I have to do my part!

Wicky is now happily adapting to the spoiled life and is receiving lots of cat treats so she’s behaving, well, differently. She works with us out in Canby, and lives well with the hilarious pack of dogs. Each time they asked for a treat today, she did too.

Can’t exactly teach her to “sit” but I’m trying with “headbutt” for now. We’ll see how that goes…

So cheers to all of you and stay safe and warm out there. We’re working hard to make more plants!

Happy New Year’s Eve y’all and Happy New Year!!!

Winter Solstice Greetings

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Last week I had some unexpected time off, so I ran off with my cat Felix to the lower Columbia River to spend time with Dad near the Pacific Ocean.

We all have a lot going on right now, so it’s great knowing that today we can just be present and enjoy the day.

Here comes winter, and here comes the light!

Cheers and take care out there!

Pearl Fryar Topiary Garden

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(This is Part Two of a series of posts that I will write about my trip to the SE during the the fall of 2022. Part One can be found here.)

One of the many stops during my trip was one which I’d long wanted to make. The Pearl Fryar Topiary Garden is located in Bishopville, SC, so it’s a bit off of the beaten path. Luckily on this trip I was staying a few hours away at a friend’s house. I had a nice rental car, the weather was great, so it was part of a wonderful day trip! (I also visited Camden Battlefield and Kalmia Gardens.)

Having stopped off rather unexpectedly in Camden, SC at the Revolutionary War battlefield, I was a bit “shook” to my core upon my arrival. While I’d known a bit about my ancestor from South Carolina, I hadn’t known he was one of Marion’s Men so I’m grateful to the folks there who walked me through what my ancestor had lived through, explaining to me why he was in the Roster of South Carolina Patriots in the American Revolution by Bobby Gilmer Moss.

After leaving the battlefield, I drove off to the garden a bit stunned, then before I knew it, I was surrounded by fields of cotton. I felt as if I had passed through some kind of time and/or place portal.

As someone who has lived far away from the South, and yet spent her life driving through agricultural areas having fun identifying crops, this was a new one for me IRL! Since it was fall, the balls of cotton were pushing out of their capsules, and it was surreal to me. It was breathtakingly beautiful and yet so new and confusing, but I just took it all in as I drove. I was overcome honestly with this scene. The afternoon sun was at an angle, the balls of cotton glowed in the light like the hair of an attractive woman in some cheesy vintage film. I’d not expected to find fields of cotton so pulchritudinous.

Arriving at the garden, I could immediately tell that it was not in pristine condition. In my mind’s eye, I had a vision of it as it had appeared in the documentary A Man Named Pearl, but that was released back in 2006! A lot can change in that time.

But the bones and the spirit of the place were still intact.

I was reminded as I walked through of the fragility of a garden, especially after its maker is no longer able to care for it in the same way.

Yet it still stands as a testament to a moment in time, in our own garden history even as a country, when one man made an incredible difference. I’m so glad that I visited, and that the garden has been documented as well as it has been.

I loved the quirky joy and fun that remains, but it is clear that it needs to be maintained more. I’m one of those people who is always sad to say such a thing. I believe that every garden has charm, but this to me is one that we all need to cherish.

As I walked through I was joined by a couple who were very sweet and they included me in their own personal tour. They’d visited years ago but hadn’t returned since then. On a lark, they’d decided to drive for hours to come see it. As we walked, they talked about having spent time with Pearl as he worked. They told me more about what this garden had meant to them, and to the region. I was happy to let them know that a horticulturist who’d worked there years ago was someone I knew professionally, but that had been my only connection to this garden. They told me again and again that I would have really enjoyed meeting Pearl, but he’s mostly retired from the garden now.

Though maybe not at its best, it’s still there, and I very much recommend that folks visit it and take in the love that still remains left in place by the a man named Pearl. I very much felt the love and the assemblage above said it all. (Note the I (heart) U at the bottom.)

Thank you Pearl.

I was a Seed Seller once… And I will sell seeds again!!!

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Just about a year ago I closed the Etsy shop where I’d sold seeds for just over a decade. Nearly 1/4 of a million views on my products (mostly seeds), just over 3,500 orders, and so much work—almost all on my own. (I must confess though that many friends helped by growing seeds and passing them on to me to sell. Organizing this kind of thing is complicated to say the least, but I love being a seed grower.)

Felix going through my old seed shop cabinet. This is what’s left of what once was a very full space from whence I shipped so many packets of seeds.

The shop started when I could barely move, and I wanted to feel like I could do something with my life energy, and now, well, it’s difficult to believe all that I’ve learned and accomplished. Best of all, I’ve met so many wonderful people along the way. I’ve had a family of mentors and it just warms my heart in a special way during the coldest months of the year. Maybe because this is when so many of us rest, and talk to one another about seeds? We order seeds, and those of us who work with seeds, get to be the busy little garden trolls that we are using our magic to bring plants to life. I can’t imagine living any other way.

At the end of November I was struggling a bit. I was going from job to home, to other job to home, writing up talks, planning events, and I felt like I was slacking on the leadership of our local Gesneriad Society chapter. So there I was in my car after work one night. It was dark and cold. I was freezing, and part of me felt dark. I’m the happiest cynic you’ll ever meet and I’m always filled to the brim with my own unique blend of hope and love which I carefully guard. I recall feeling very unlike myself. It was a combination of being unsettled and simultaneously uncomfortable about it.

I just felt like I’d been spinning my wheels and I wasn’t sure what the point of it all really was anymore.

So I turned the Jeep on, cranked up the heat, blasted some music, and looked to my iPhone for some kind of contact with the outside world. I hoped that my overpriced device would be my oracle when I needed one so badly…

That’s when I found this message in my mailbox…

And just like that, I awkwardly sucked in a long deep breath and then exhaled and nearly choked a bit as I giggled. I’m forever the serendipitist. Leave it to my superstitious nature and belief in chance encounters. I needed that message so badly at just that moment.

I drove home smiling and life has continued on. I decided that when it was time, I’d get back to my Spiffy Seeds site that I’d started working on during the summer when it was hot and smoky outside.

Yes, “Never give up on seeds.”

A classroom door at the OSU Oak Creek Center for Urban Horticulture in Corvallis, Oregon. I think the message here “spoke” to me a bit lol.

Shortly after that grounding moment, I was at Oregon State University giving a presentation about houseplants. It was an emotional day for me. Though it’s not far from Portland, I don’t go there often. It’s where I would have studied botany and/or horticulture if I’d stayed on the track I’d wanted to be on. My life changed, I switched from a BS to a BA.

A graduate degree in horticulture is not in the cards now, but it is tempting and I am considering a “creative” option. I just don’t know if that’s a good choice since I’m feeling old and tired—but I may just get inspired for such a task.

Let’s just say that the seed has been planted, and now we wait to see if it’s a dud or not.

My childhood horticulture mentor back in maybe 1990 not too long before he passed away. A graduate of OSU, Linus Pauling was both his classmate and sometimes his instructor. We spoke frequently about seeds and plant science. He really helped my interest in the natural world grow.

Either way, I made it to OSU to speak to the Hort Club. It was fun to see several friends during my overnight trip, and to make a few new ones. Again, plant people are so much fun.

My childhood mentor would have been proud and it was quite a milestone for me. I look forward to visiting OSU again in the future while continuing to build connections there.

A little slice of seedling life. I can’t recall just how many flats of primrose seedlings I’ve potted up over the last nearly 4 years out in Canby, but it’s a lot! I get so excited when I see them for sale in the retail area, or being prepared to be mailed out to mail-order customers.

So this is the soft launch of a site with very little for sale right now other than gift certificates. I will continue to build up Spiffy Seeds and I look forward to growing with friends again in the year ahead. This means sometimes I will come to you to collect things, other times, you may send me sealed bags of things, or else you’ll be writing to me about seeds you may have and are wondering if I can sell them. There are a lot of things that I won’t be interested in at all. With so many large growers and wholesale providers, I have to be careful about what I think folks might buy because it’s already out there and I want to be keeping things in cultivation for my own reasons. I don’t want to sell the usual seeds.

Also, funds from this effort, as well as the newly installed Tip Jar can be used from my trips. I don’t work for large nurseries that pay to send me places. I both lose work AND pay out of pocket when I don’t go to work so I think it will be fun to focus all funds towards my “continuing education” trips. Based on my experiences, this, combined with my consulting work, and saving up from my nursery jobs should turn out to be quite helpful.

Then again, I may be a deluded dreamer, but I think you could call me worse.

I had wanted to make my life easier next year, to rest more, to take care of myself, but the heart knows what it wants.

North Carolina Gardens with Ann Amato (an Online Heronswood Event)

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On Thursday February 2, 2023 I’ll be giving an online Zoom presentation through Heronswood from noon-1:30pm. If you’d like to sign up for it—but are unavailable at that time—it will also be recorded so you will be able to access it at a more convenient time.

I’ll be speaking about my most recent trip, and as a former student of art history, this will be an exciting topic for me to discuss!

“On the same street in Charlotte, just 10 houses away from one another, are two very different gardens created by two separate individuals named Elizabeth. The Elizabeth Lawrence House & Garden is a living laboratory, with an incredible collection that the celebrated garden writer and landscape architect wrote about in her books and articles. Wing Haven Garden & Bird Sanctuary is a large sanctuary for birds and wildlife that was created, cared for, and given back to the community by Elizabeth and Edwin Clarkson. Hear about their designs, history, and learn more about their contribution and legacy in Southern garden history.”

So please, sign up to learn more about a different region of the United States—one that I enjoy visiting a great deal—and help Heronswood at the same time.

Click here to learn more, and to register.

Happy Blogoversary to Amateur Bot-ann-ist!!!

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15 years ago today the site Amateur Bot-ann-ist emerged. It’s been quite a journey. From being a home gardener and plant enthusiast who was unable to move much due to hereditary angioedema and physical injuries—to today. I’m now a professional horticulturist working nearly full-time with two jobs, speaking engagements, a few clients, and I somehow find the time to care for my own collection of plants.

The voice and the tone have not changed a lot around here. I’m still the same snarky young-at-heart woman, but I’ve come a long way and have learned so much.

Abutilon ‘Chance Encounter’, my chance seedling we selected out at Cistus Nursery. This sweetheart put on a few more blooms this week. Next year she’ll go into the ground.

Part of me had wanted to say something special, to talk about what I’ve learned year by year, but I’m too tired after having gone to Corvallis and back to give a presentation about houseplants.

It was such a great weekend.

Begonia valida with Pelargonium ‘Distinction’. This is still one of my personal favorite combinations.

So raise a glass to this effort today if you can, think a kind thought, and know that I’m going to keep using this site to write about gardening, plants, and chronic illness.

Yes, blogging is not as popular as it once was back in the day. Most folks I know who started out with me have stopped. It’s not easy to spend so much time creating posts, and in the end, life matters more.

I enjoy writing, and I do have ideas, but this effort uses up a lot of my time and energy. I’ll keep at it again in 2023. I’m on track to have posted weekly this year, and I hope to do so again in the months to come.

Call me crazy, but I just like spending time here in this space.

(Featured photo of me at the top is courtesy of Loree Bohl aka Danger Garden. Thanks friend.)

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (November 2022)

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Geranium robustum in the former garden of The Practical Plant Geek.

This plant is not yet in my garden—but I have quite a few of its seeds. Evan collected them for me for several years, I sold them in my old shop, and I will grow all of the ones that I have left of it. It’s a species from South Africa with incredibly lovely silver veined leaves. We took cuttings to take to Cistus Nursery too. Let’s hope that both of our crops work out so we can get this one into cultivation around here.

Love the fall color each year on the Acer palmatum ‘Villa Taranto’. It matches the stain on the front door and makes quite a combo.

This is a small slow-growing Japanese maple for me. To be honest, I’ve had it so long now, I’m not even sure where I bought it. For a few years I thought about moving it, but each autumn it does this and I’m in love with its location all over again.

Begonia sutherlandii var. dissecta is a precious gem. I think I succeeded in making a few more, but we’ll have to wait and see.

If you didn’t know that I love begonias, then you don’t know me well. I don’t even grow that many well, but I grow a lot of them to learn more about them as a group of plants. Gesneriads and begonias are my favorites, and honestly, there are enough of each to keep me interested for the rest of my days.

This dissected variety of this African species that is hardy here for us, is just stunning. I’m not sure yet if this form is hardy as well, so I’m trying to make as many of these as I can to try them out in the ground in the garden, but it takes time.

(We can’t just plant these anywhere though and have them come back. More on that next year!)

A friend let me care for this plant for winter to keep an eye on it. Of course I will make more, but for now, I’m just going to try to grow it “well”. It’s Begonia sp. YuGu 301.

Oh look! Another begonia!

A friend bought this during a visit to Far Reaches Farm and was concerned he might kill it over the winter in his house so I offered to care for it in exchange for a propagation from it. For now, I just plan to figure out how to grow it well, and I love the fuzzy leaves. It’s one of the fuzziest I’ve seen yet.

The end of the season for this Cyclamen hederifolium.

Around here the hardy cyclamens are a tried-and-true go-to for fall blooms. They look to me like flocks of winged magical little creatures falling to the ground. Clustering around the garden in different spots, they’re always welcome and you cannot have enough of them.

An Asparagus densiflorus ‘Myersii’ I’ve had in the ground now for a year. We’ll see how it fares after this winter.

Not necessarily a hardy plant, I’m growing this in one of the most protected spots in my garden and I’m thrilled to say we’ve made it through one mild winter, so maybe we can keep it going for another year. I do NOT want to claim it’s hardy though—because it is not. Many “non hardy” plants can survive mild winters, but this does not make them hardy by any means.

On of the best Japanese maples for striking color, Acer palmatum ‘Geisha Gone Wild’.

This fun tree was found during one of our gardening friend expeditions driving around to nurseries we’d not yet visited with friends from out of town. It’s in a container and is not probably living its best life, but I planted it there so that I could see it out of the large window in my kitchen door. I love its nearly year-round color. It sparks much joy.

This is a bit of a sloppy perennial but for some reason it looks lovely at the base of my Trachycarpus. It’s a wood aster, Eurybia divaricata.

My wood aster came from Secret Garden Growers. I loved how it looked in a container with its flush of star-like blooms, but I honestly did NOT know where to plant it in my garden. (This is a habit I must break in the coming year since caring for plants in pots while I do so much away from home is just KILLING me physically. I wish there were more hours in the day.)

In a rush to go on a trip somewhere, I “rapid planted”. That’s what I do when I am in a time crunch. I just go crazy planting things without overthinking them and it’s honestly kind of fun. Maybe even therapeutic for this virgo lol.

This plant was part of a combo that really worked out. This perennial blooms for a long time, and a fluffy cloud of white at the base of my palm tree is just lovely when I look out my dining room window.

Sinningia conspicua, one of the fragrant gesneriads.

A gift from a friend who loves gesneriads, this is a fragrant and tough beauty. Not hardy in my climate, it lives in the garden for many months in its container, but then it comes back indoors to keep me company during the colder months. Most of my sinningia collection does this and I’m still calculating the best migration plan for them. Bringing them in too early led to lots of plants dying back too harshly last year. This year, I waited until later, and oddly, they’re still pretty perky. I’ve turned down the temperature as well in the Seed Studio so that may be helping too.

Alfie with this unknown Schlumbergera hybrid.

Lastly, who doesn’t love a holiday jungle cactus that’s not pink or red? Damn I love this hybrid but I have no clue what its name is…

Check back in another 4 weeks to see what’s caught my eye around here. I’m really enjoying these monthly posts. I hope you are too.

Marveling at Growth: Caos, Caotico

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It’s feeling a bit chaotic right now. That’s ok with me, but it’s draining if I don’t get enough sleep.

When I feel like this, I tend to smile to myself and my mind switches into Italian to keep from going cray cray.

I open my mouth wide and slowly say, “Caos, caotico.” Knowing I’ve been to the area of ancient Sicily once called Chaos, I remind myself that somewhere in the past, they cared enough about this state of affairs, to name a place after something we tend to deeply fear.

The writer Luigi Pirandello was born there. “I am a child of Chaos and not only allegorically but in reality because I was born in a countryside, located nearby entangled woods, named, in Sicilian dialect, Cavusu by the inhabitants of Girgenti [Agrigento].”

Since visiting that area myself, I tend to think about it, centering in on the idea of it whenever I feel like I’m spinning off balance with too much to do. Instead of getting stirred up by the feelings of chaos and unrest, I sit down calmly at its center and wait for it to pass. Caos. (Chaos.) Caotico. (Chaotic.)

Caos. Caotico. This is my manta.

A favorite vintage Murano glass vase.

At home there is still much planning, sorting and moving to do to make room for other things—mostly plants. Recently, I removed an old cabinet to make room for a large glass tank for my ferns. I’d placed the cabinet there with my ex maybe 17 years ago, and it was cathartic to change things around. Am still not sure how to get rid of the cabinet, but I’m working on it.

Removing things is not my forte, but I’m motivated to keep improving things around here. I can’t take in any more “free” things when folks need help. Part of me just wants to get a small dumpster right now, but I’m going to hold off on that until later. Luckily it’s not that bad, I just really am impatient to have things completed.

The vintage vase above is a large one and a favorite. I hid it outside in the Seed Studio—away from Felix. He loves to break large items made of glass. I think at 5 years old, he’s improving, but I’ll stash this above the fridge soon—just in case.

Seedlings of Sempervivum calcareum ‘Mrs Giuseppi’. I received the seeds during my stay with Panayoti Kelaidis last year.

Between stashing plants, protecting plants, and even dividing some of the hardiest of perennials, I’m trying to sow seeds, sort seeds, clean seeds, and shop for a few for next year too. This is all part of why I want the whole house to be more tidy and organized. It just makes life easier.

I love this time of year though when life shifts from being exhausted from the current year, to being excited about the crops to come. It’s part of the cycle of life and I enjoy this state-of-mind between now and March. This is my time to shine—a sort of golden hour in the dark of winter.

Fall color in the garden at Rancho Cistus, the home and garden of Sean and Preston at Cistus Nursery.

But it’s not winter yet. It can just feel like it is, and that’s also part of the experience of the seasons.

Some days are warm, some days are cold, and I never seem to wear the right clothing. Funny how owning a Jeep is some kind of comfort. I look forward to driving it again in some snow. It was life-changing last year, and honestly, kind of fun.

The book I’ve wanted since I saw it in Georgia at the Begonia Society Convention. It finally arrived!

Along with a pile of books from the library, this gem arrived this week. I’ve long wanted to see a copy, and was able to when I was in Atlanta, so I set about trying to find one online, and I did!

Rekha Morris also spoke while I was there, and it was great to go to her talk. She is a retired professor of art history so listening to her presentation in a dark room reminded me a lot of being back in school.

Standing behind North Falls, in Silver Falls State Park.

The real growth this week was being able to hike 8 miles in relative peace and quiet at Silver Falls State Park. I walk a 4-mile loop once or twice a week in town, and I went on one hike with Evan a few years ago, but overall, hiking has not been my friend since I had the swelling incident after climbing up Mt. St. Helen’s almost 20 years ago.

Our only great hiccup was the number of people either wearing incredibly strong fragrances, or else those who’d washed their clothing in incredibly strong smelling detergent. When I’m outdoors and I choke when someone walks by, you know it’s strong stuff. I react strongly to cigarettes and pot too, but not as badly now as Evan. Luckily we only had a few folks smoking joints on the trail. The fragrances though, wow.

I don’t remember folks smelling so strongly of it when I used to go out into the woods, but I wasn’t as sensitive to it back then.

Glowing in the cold morning along the trail. Forest bathing looks good on me, but it looked great on everyone we passed along the train this Thanksgiving.

That day I did great. I was a bit sore the next, and today I’m still feeling a bit stiff. Overall, the damage was not bad. By Monday I should feel better. It’s mostly my shins, but I can work to ease it from happening as badly next time.

I am more hopeful now than ever—and thankful too. This hike was exactly what I needed.

Evan and some very large Doug firs aka Pseudotsuga menziesii.

Internally I continue to improve and feel better. I’m happy to be alive.

After the hike we returned to the city, I was dropped off, I cleaned up after being outside all day, and then Evan came back to have dinner with John and I.

It was a holiday and we celebrated.

An unknown Philodendron purchased from a collection when the owner had to move.

The houseplants keep needing my love and attention and on top of the work I have to do, I’m sorting them and moving them over and over. The goal now is to get them situated and then paint some more walls before taking photos of them again. I need to change up the house a bit.

I need to redo the bathroom too, but that’s a big project in an old home with only one bathroom. Sigh.

Part of me thinks that the spouse on the spectrum may need to go on vacation for that, but we’ve not yet crossed that bridge.

A Philodendron giganteum received in a trade. I finally have a nice start of the plant above to send back to this Instagram friend, but I’ve waited a bit too long…

So not a lot of rest going on around here—and it feels chaotic—but there’s wild and fun growth and change! So many positive and good things are happening. I just need to keep checking things off of my list and keep going to bed early.

I need to be ready for whatever comes next!!

My Thoughts on Native Plants…

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Turns out I know about native plants. Question is, which native plants do I know about, and the answer is… mostly West Coast natives—but all plants are native somewhere, and a good horticulturist knows this, so, I work diligently to better understand growing conditions and climates all over the world.

I want to be not just a good horticulturist, I want to be a responsible one.

Oxalis oregana ‘Klamath Ruby’, a lovely collection originally from the wild, but now widely available in cultivation.

I know a lot of plants, and I’m familiar with many biomes.

It’s always important to know where plants are native to—all over the world. This helps us to better understand how to grow plants in different locations, especially if it is one we’re working on for conservation.

Berries on Aralia californica. Don’t let the name fool you. This plant is also found in SW Oregon.

These topics of conversation are regularly discussed at work and with my friends and colleagues away from work. This is why I don’t write about them here on my site.

I work with experts in this field, and it feels silly to regurgitate the same things they say over and over, but I think in the year to come, I’ll begin to write a bit more about this topic, in my own way, in my own voice.

I’ve just not been comfortable doing so yet. One of the primary reasons for that has been an inability to spend more time in the field. I’m ready for that now.

Viola hallii, one of a handful of amazing violas found in Oregon.

If you want to work in horticulture, and stand out as a great grower or designer, start learning your earth and natural sciences. This goes beyond just traveling to be in the field, and posting pictures as you go. What this entails, is really learning how it all works, and being able to communicate it to others. Just like everything else in life, stories matter.

You can delve into science by reading about it, asking about it, writing about it, or just opening up your mind more to better understand everything around you and how it’s connected.

I know lots of folks with scientific minds, and I’m glad to have always had them in my life. Going back to my youth, it has always mattered a lot to me to have folks to seek out when I wanted to better understand something. Sadly, too many have too much pride to admit they don’t know and they don’t ask.

Science is a group activity. Sadly, not everyone feels comfortable with that “hat on” but that’s often because of incidents where others may have made you feel stupid or even dumb. Don’t let that stop you though, don’t give up, and don’t believe that your brain doesn’t work that way!

Folks can be mean in either direction. As in all things in life, all I can add here is: Don’t Be an Asshole.

Yes, some scientific folks can appear to have poor skills with other people, and yes, those who are not so scientific can seem judgmental and shallow. We can get beyond our differences though if we only realize, we’re not all the same, we don’t have to be, and diversity in people is as important as diversity in other things.

The space between people can get blurry and dangerous when it comes to science. Instead of speaking with ego, try to tell a better story. This can help us to better communicate in either direction, and reach out to one another.

Coastal redwoods (Sequoia sempervirens) are also found in Oregon, but does this make them native or is it just a small pocket that’s stretched over our border?

Oftentimes I joke about being known more for houseplants than I do for the work I do at Cistus Nursery, and yet, I don’t write much about what I do because I assist in the work of someone else, and it has not become what I do at home.

Fragaria chiloensis is a wide ranging and useful garden plant.

Really, I don’t think it’s unusual to want to have your own thing, but I’ve had to think long and hard about sharing my thoughts about native plants because it means potentially walking into a quagmire.

Seeds from Calycanthus occidentalis collected at work. This is a native shrub we propagate. Usually we make a crop from cuttings, but the seeds are pretty amazing so I collect and grow them sometimes.

While I am a memoirist in a world of plants, I’m not a scientist working through data, but I’ve collected plenty of observations over the years.

Lewisia tweedyi is a stunner.

One of my first lessons was to ask someone who’s more of a botanist at which point does a wild collected plant become a cultivated one.

The answer is the moment you place it in the container and it grows.

This is why so many people often mistakenly dig up things in the wild, and then they fail to prosper, and then the plant dies. A mature wild plant is frequently not cultivated so easily, and this is why it’s best to grow native plants sold in cultivation. I also support the purchase of seeds and plants grown in cultivation by professionals because I believe my industry is an important one and that we have a lot to offer to consumers.

Of course rescue digs on property slated for development is a different matter, and I am happy folks dig in community when possible, but nurseries are great resources worth protecting and sustaining.

Devil’s club is a personal favorite of mine from my childhood. Oplopanax horridus is not exactly a friendly garden plant though with its stems covered in thorns.

I am proud to be part of this process when I grow plants from seed. The seedlings that survive are doing the work for us. They’re the ones that prosper in cultivation. They’re the ones we’re most likely going to succeed with in our gardens. (The same can be said for the vigor of a handful in a batch of cuttings.)

But as my botanist friend would point out, this can also mean that the plants which are dying are possibly better suited for the wild. These are the ones that won’t like the posh comfort of nursery soil and the protection offered in cultivation.

Soils are a BIG deal. I won’t go into all of that here, but as a consumer you’ve likely noticed how many growers use different kinds of soil mixes. A BIG PART of horticulture is understanding how to successfully grow plants in containers. These mixes are akin to the secret sauces created by great chefs lol.

I grew this Iris tenax from seed nearly two decades ago for a garden I once worked in. It was part of a project to restore part of the native oak savannah of the Willamette Valley at that site.

I am not saying a lot, but I think this is enough for now.

The blurred lines between different states in a region are not always the same borders plants pay attention to so we can be a bit open there too, but we could speak more specifically about the different clones, and where they’re collected from since in the long run, much of that does matter.

But not today…

Seeds from the Dicentra formosa plants in my garden. I used to sell fresh seeds of this plant. Give it space to roam in if you choose to plant it in your garden.

So, I will remain honest and transparent about a few things.

First and foremost, I do love our native plants. I love my region of the United States, but it is not a competition. I admire and want to learn about all of the plants all over the world though.

This is why I am not solely a native plant horticulturist.

Mahonia piperiana ‘Spoonleaf’ in the display garden at Cistus Nursery.

I’m challenged by climate change, as we all are, and I believe in creating xeric gardens since wasting a natural resource that’s vital to our survival matters to me. Yes, we use a lot of water in horticulture, but in the future we’ll need to think more about that…

Vaccinium ovatum ‘Cascade Sunburst’ is an amazing ornamental selection of our native evergreen huckleberry.

All plants are native to somewhere. We need to keep saying this. We also need to keep reminding ourselves that they may support more insects in their native range, and that here, even though they might be pretty to our eyes, they’re not sustaining as many insects as native choices, and this means less food for other animals.

Humans have been transporting plants and plant products for various reasons since the very beginning of civilization. We need to think about this too. We’re part of this system, part of the problem, and it is part of who were are, who we have been, and who we will be…

And we should know that diversity is good, and yet, mono cropping means efficiency and more profits. We live between these two realities. This is why I love ecological designs, diversity, and gardeners who understand that plants provide a lot more to us than a refreshing look that makes our minds calm because it is pretty and organized. We need to place more value in this kind of investment.

Pretty can be many things to many people and I am ok with non-native ornamentals mixed in so long as it’s diverse, but let’s still chose to be honest about this system and how virtue signally can be just as negative as creating water-hogging landscapes in deserts.

We can do better on both accounts and I hope we will see change.

One of our many native plants along the Oregon Coast, this is Angelica hendersonii.

I believe in working more and more in the in-between zone, and being receptive to new ideas and change.

Not everyone will want to have purely native plant gardens, and no matter what, more native plants in any region will be better, but this means pushing to have more of them planted in our parks, community gardens, schools, and municipal plantings.

Plants are part of our culture, and we’re sentimentally attached to different ones for our own reasons. When we move around from place to place, we bring those ideas with us, but we need to better appreciate that maybe our sentimental ideas are not good for the planet, and that we can seek out new stories about the plants in our new communities. It’s not easy to have to give up on plants we somehow see as part of our “identities” but our own personal style does not matter as much as we think, and we can make a difference. I think in the last 30 years the concept of many styles of gardens has already changed dramatically, and I love the regional takes on these different looks.

I hope we can keep going with this…

Oxalis oregana in the garden.

Plants speak of place, and an awareness of where we live should be appreciated by us as humans. As I age, and as I watch the internet evolve internationally, sadly, I think I see more and more people living online, carrying this “place” with them in their day-to-day lives.

Thanks to capitalism, we still see much more aspirational content—than inspirational.

It’s part of our human condition I suppose.

One of my favorite plants, Salix scouleriana along the banks of the Columbia River near its mouth.

After many years, I feel like I can quietly enter into this conversation though about native and non-native plants, but on a blog post, don’t expect a well researched or groundbreaking conclusion.

I’m more of a memoirist after all folks, so I won’t try to be a voice I am not.

I’m just going to do what I can, the best that I am able to, and there is no reason I shouldn’t speak up more about sustainable plantings and the importance of the work I do and why I love the different kinds of plants that I help to keep in cultivation and commerce at BOTH of the nurseries where I work.

Lastly, while I am often called a native Oregonian, I cringe more when I hear that. My family has been here since the 1850s, but I am not native here. My family has been here for generations, and I have an incredible attachment to this place, through the stories of my own ancestors, and others. Like many here, I live though on the lands of the Chinookan peoples, and because I grew up with a father who is an avid fisherman, I learned my geography through river drainages. I feel connected to that land in a unique way, and I am very connected to the fish, and to the plants that have protected the fish runs for generations. As for being indigenous, like many other citizens of the US, my paternal line traces back to the Mediterranean and my maternal line returns to Great Britain. Other “tributaries” from North African, the Middle East, and Western Europe flow into the river that is me, but I am not native to this place.

Like many who came before, I’m just passing through.

I want to steward the land, and leave no trace.

Set That Log Jam in the Garden on Firrrreeee!!!

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(This post is dedicated to the late Julia Powell. Thank you for your creative content and honest voice. The internet—and especially social media—will always need more writers like you. #ripjuliapowell)

Spontaneous combustion. Sure, sometimes it can be more of a metaphoric process describing the danger of the fire burning inside of all of us. I’ve been celebrating my own blaze recently thanks to this song I listen to often as I work: When A Fire Starts to Burn. (Please watch the video to understand some of my humor here.)

When a fire starts to…

Clearly, with the cold nip in the air, songs with some umph keep me at it.

With lots of posts yet to catch up on from my trip, I’m tied here to my chair this weekend. I’ll still be running out to rescue this and that, but it’s time to start a fire under myself!! Brrrrrrr.

I’m already burning up with activity, but we’ve all got to make room in our lives to welcome whatever changes are heading our way unseen.

(She bends over and lights a match under the chair she is sitting in.)

Fuchsia ‘Poermenneke’ a gift from Theo over at The Fuchsietum. This is a trailing plant so will work best in planters and hanging baskets.

Clearing a logjam takes some skill and must be strategic. I could use dynamite, but, well, I’m not really into destroying my life though sometimes I am asked if I’ll be fired for the things that I write here.

Silly geese. Fly off somewhere, won’t cha?

I planned to do this somewhat thoughtfully. Little fires. Little steps. Maybe the hint of a conflagration here and there.

When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread

First, I cleaned up a lot more plants outside. In addition to the non-hardy tender plants, I had to sort out the new and special ones I need to propagate for next year. I’m grateful to have a few from friends, and a few I picked up on trips, and a few someone sent me—and more I forgot about. This confusion is part of my job.

I haven’t sorted it ALL out, but I did a lot this week!

She gon’ bring that attitude home

Felix causin’ trouble.

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

The next problem is space. It’s fun to save plants from the cold, but it’s not fun to have no space to move.

A lifeboat is always limited. And we have our limits too.

I see this happening a lot now with houseplant enthusiasts who went OVERBOARD and did deep dives into the houseplant lifestyle during the worst of the pandemic.

Collectors are finding it more difficult to unload plants they bought as investments.

Set a fire under that too! Compost it! Toss it! Give it away!

I know that’s what I’ve been doing. I can feel the water beginning to flow!!!

When a fire starts to…

Another part of the logjam has been to clean additional space in the house. I just had to find the time to work on cleaning it up too, and I did!

And like that, another part of the jam is gone! Splish splash away—woohoo!

Felix in the sorting area—trying to get my attention. Oftentimes I wonder if I’ve turned into Mrs. Jellyby in Bleak House by Charles Dickens. Am I practicing “telescopic philanthropy” as I grow unusual and uncommon plants hoping to keep some of them in commerce? Do I care about the plant world at the expense of my own affairs? Nah, not in my case, but this can be an issue.

Nothing like having Felix help me. Since I was gone for many weeks this summer, I’m working as much as I can to make up for it. Felix missed me and now he misses me more. Days at home with him are precious.

Prescribed fire anyone?

Sure looks like I need one, doesn’t it?

I cannot wait to get in there with the pruners and the chainsaw! This winter the garden is going to be cut back harder than it was last year.

When a first starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread

Last week the chaos began, and I hustled there too. First we had the crazy atmospheric river dump on us. I enjoy rain a lot, but days of it, uh, not my idea of a beautiful fall day.

But that rain won’t dampen anything in me either.

She gon’ bring that attitude home

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

Then I sort of lightly helped doing an activity that is common for my friends and I. Along with Sean and Preston, I helped out on what was the last day of a garden move for our friend Evan. We dug a few things, took cuttings, grabbed some seeds, and generally admired the garden our friend had made. This can be a lovely group activity, and I highly recommend helping a friend get through this process.

I’m glad we were all there together since it felt very supportive. Other friends of ours helped too over the last few weeks and I’m grateful they did.

When a fire starts to…

After having had freezing cold feet for an entire day after being outside last Sunday, and the day before at home, and I finally put down some money and ordered these attractive (and warm) boots for the next few months. Yet another log from the log jam removed!

BAM!!

Change. Change is good.

And all of the crops are being sown! It’s like a whirlwind. That little backup will take a few more weeks to ease, but it’s a small issue. I feel better this week.

When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread

I think I earned this sweater this week—or I should get one like it.

She gon’ bring that attitude home

I cleaned a ton of seeds this week. (I’m not always starting trouble or thinking about how I can stir the pot again.)

Some seeds are easier to clean than others. (Some people have thinner skin than others.)

I worked on an email list too. (Naming the names.)

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

Created from recycled materials, I have to say that this style would work well for me. It’s likely I’ll buy something like it this winter. I’m not sure I want to wear recycled water bottles, crushed oyster shells and cotton, but that is what this one consists of and it’s kind of surreal to me. I DO love oysters.

Memento mori. It’s never too late to remember the inevitable.

It’s no wonder that most traditional garden writing bores me. Here I go, rafting down my own stream of consciousness as I round the bend. Howling with laughter and sinking into exhaustion as I go…

Mislabeled and unknown Streptocarpus hybrid. Kind of a mut like the rest of us. I’m not going to judge. Crazy human attraction created it too.

Sorting plants meant finding plants to sell, trade or raffle at events. Oh the many stories fluttering around my mind right now of all of the sharing and caring that’s been done at my hands, and the hands of others, and all that love that is in my garden and home!

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

Oh those busy anxious animal hands of ours. Oh how we hate to tell people we’ve killed something they’ve shared with us.

(She sits and stares off into space wondering how many victims there still are to discover in her autumn garden cleanup.)

Still unsure of my Irish heritage, but willing to embrace it more with wool sweaters, colcannon, dulse, oysters, spots of Irish whisky, and letting my sharp tongue run free.

When a fire starts to…

Continuing on this journey through “my style” (hell, at this point I need a damn Pinterest board) my other task to loosen up the jam was to get some of my favorite Irish cream.

While I don’t have nearly any chronic pain now, this can still be a wonderful treat when the weather is cold.

Along with this I’m cleaning out the pantry. With the plants all in bed, I can cook again, and entertain.

I may even go to an Irish pub again to listen to music and enjoy dancing as I once did. (No beer for me. Sorry. Allergic. I just need a fully belly and happy heart to dance.)

When a fire starts to…

Reuniting Alfie with the woman who helped to rescue him was another task this week. He was a feral kitten rescued at a farm on Sauvie Island, and is not like my other cats. Cistus Nursery is on the same island, and at that time, my coworker had a second job at the farm, so he was the one to ask me if I wanted a kitten.

I’d recently lost my last feral cat Mona, so I decided to replace her with a cat who needed to be rescued.

YES OF COURSE I WANTED A KITTEN!!!

And that is how Alfie came into my life—our little linebacker, a heavy sack of potatoes, a bully, and a sweetheart.

I’d promised my coworker Kris that I’d bring the little pile of bricks (he is incredibly heavy) so we made the date last week, and I’m glad that I did. It was Election Day and we all needed a distraction.

When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread

Alfie was not very helpful during his brief visit in the greenhouse. While he was in there with Kris and I, he found a snail and was proud of himself. As a mostly feral cat, he preferred hiding, so I took him back to the Jeep until his other mother arrived.

This made Election Day a bit less stressful. It was self-care of the highest level. I love my cats. They keep my life full and oddly grounded. I still have a few more things to catch up on, but this week I got a lot accomplished.

She gon’ bring that attitude home.

But it’s a balance. Life is a lot for all of us right now and the anxiety out there is palpable.

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

So keep going and be the change that you want. Set those logjams on fire, and strategically get things done.

And don’t forgot to dance.

When a fire starts to…

When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread

She gon’ bring that attitude home

Who don’t wanna do nothing with their life

Autumn from My Corner of the World of Horticulture

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Mahonia gracilipes in the garden at Cistus Nursery.

This weekend I finally crashed after 5 weeks of nearly non-stop activity. Even now—after a day of rest—I’m still struggling to post something. I’ve been negligent these last two weeks (at least when it comes to writing) due to having had the honor to have been asked to give two public presentations by different groups.

I’m not complaining!!! I had a blast doing both, but it’s a lot of work. Doing it weekly is rough.

I LOVE to give talks, it’s just that I’ve not had a lot of time to rest. Preparing talks, and getting plants ready to sell at one of the talks, meant spending time AFTER work getting things done. Those things can make for very long days, but it is worth it!!!

A white-berried Sorbus prattii in Medford (Oregon) at Italio Garden, the home of nurseryman and great friend Baldassare Mineo. It’s likely that this is Sorbus cashmeriana but I’m not certain.

Don’t hesitate to ask me if your organization is longing for some of my creative and unconventional views. I felt badly when I had to turn down a statewide Master Gardener Conference recently because it happened during my trip. It would have been an interesting and different experience than I’m accustomed to and I would have enjoyed the challenge.

But, begonias… (I do not regret going to the convention in Atlanta a bit!)

If I ever have the pleasure of designing a new garden for myself, I will definitely include at least one x Gordlinia grandiflora along with my other favorite tree, Oxydendron arboreum.

So if you need someone to give a presentation, keep in mind that there is usually a fee. As someone who helps with a plant society, I better understand why it’s important to raise money, and to help professionals connect to and share their knowledge. Getting away from work to mix it up a bit oddly helps me a lot—even if it just feels good emotionally and tickles my brain a bit. I can’t say that we all react so positively, but I have enjoyed speaking more as the years go by and it’s likely due to the fact I always thought I would teach.

I was an instructor of ESL, I taught French Surrealist Lit at PSU for several terms, and there were gallery management classes as well. All of that was fun, but when you have a swelling disease that effects your body, and in my case my lungs, it can make speaking, well, unpredictable. Gasping for air causes confusion, panic sets in, and the anxiety (all combined) can have you speaking in a strange pattern. Embarrassment comes on last and you wonder if others can tell you’re not well.

When you go to school, funny how you don’t think about things like this. The new medication is helping me though. I only struggled with chest tightness on the longest day this week. I didn’t end up feeling very self-conscious about it, but I did feel tired.

Chrysanthemum ‘Matchsticks’ putting on its show at Secret Garden Growers last week. It’s one of the best autumn perennials.

Last week it was a talk in Medford to a garden club, and this week I was the keynote speaker for an event supporting women in horticulture at Chemeketa Community College. At both I connected with members of the audience, and after the trip I just took, I felt even more confident and prepared.

After having seen the Sorbus prattii tree down in Medford, I remembered to look for our Sorbus cashmeriana in the hedgerow at work this week out in Canby. Ta da! Don’t you just love those clusters of white berries?

Now you’re likely wondering when I’ll stop blathering on about myself, and get to the point.

What is autumn like in my corner of the world of horticulture?

Believe it or not but I have an answer to that question!!!

A display of radicchio varieties at the Sagra del Radicchio held this week in Portland. Since I’ve already been enjoying this “rad” food for decades, the highlight of the entire evening event was finding a few foods I could eat, as well as two local chefs who discussed my allergies and are willing to feed me sometime. (FYI I am allergic to black pepper so eating out is not often possible.)

Fall (to me) partially feels a bit like spring, but that’s only because we muck out and freshen up the greenhouses. I tend to think of this as being similar to spring cleaning, but it’s probably closer to a nesting bear about ready to hibernate. The problem with that though is that I’m not at all inclined to empathize with the home gardeners who chomp at the bit to “get back out there” during the ensuing cold and dark months ahead. I AM back out there. I am not indoors and warm looking at seed catalogs. I get to do that after work, but by now I already know what I am after, and that’s another difference with my life.

Fall is really when I begin to think about the year ahead, and when we folks at work are planning out crop plans for the next season.

There is no way we can bring a few things in to protect them over the winter either without making sure the houses are cleaner after all of the new growth has occurred during the summer months. With more watering, this leads to slippery weed cloth—and I’m talking about what “reality” greenhouses are like since I don’t work in fancy ones.

While some folks in horticulture get to work in decently climate controlled and heated greenhouses during this time of the year, well, my situations are both more like heated garages. If for any medical reason I simply CANNOT deal with the cold, then I can stay home, but if you do that too often, you’re just not cut out for the job. Lots of folks will say I’m crazy to do this for the pay, but I do love what I do, and oddly, I’m not so bad at it. Let’s just add to that too that I care very much about having a wide range of plants available in cultivation that larger growers ignore.

Growing more difficult to cultivate crops is important. If you’re a designer or curator and you use these plants, it’s important to understand how they’re made, and how they’re grown. I see this issue, and these products, becoming more important to the industry in the years to come. And why is that? It’s because there are fewer small specialty nurseries like the ones where I work keeping these plants available on the market. I cannot stress enough, consumers can better understand our products alongside those of other growers. I’m not generalizing that they are better or worse, but rather, we depend upon and NEED one another as well as an informed and fair marketplace.

The Slow Food Movement entered my life back when a chapter became active here in Portland in the early 1990s. I never attended any of their events, but I DID signup for announcements by email. In exchange I took home this awesome sticker.

This week all things converged when it comes to this beloved drum I beat upon. Thinking back to my recent trip during my work hours, sharing in food discussions with friends and strangers thanks to the Sagra del Radicchio, and even because of questions asked during my talks, it turns out that I still very much enjoy growing crops of plants from seed, and keeping small batches of plant crops going. I even enjoy introducing plants into cultivation although that’s not something I’ve done often.

And so the cycle of life goes on, as we enter into the seasonal holiday period at the end of October where we say goodbye to the harvest, and begin out journey into the season of darkness and cold. I still have a lot of plants to bring in at home—the annual migration—but now that I’m home for many weeks, I’ll do what I can while dreaming up more blog posts to write.

The 2022 American Begonia Society Convention—Atlanta, Georgia

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(This is Part One of a series of posts that I will write about my trip to the SE during the the fall of 2022.)

Nearly 4 weeks ago I was off to Atlanta for the first time. I was going to say that it seems like it was a long time ago now, and yes, I guess that is true! A lot has happened during the ensuing weeks and I’m even back on the road right now because of a presentation! (Ain’t no rest for the wicked!!!)

We had a wonderful full day going over this manual with Betsy Szymczak and Johanna Zinn. I still have a take-home exam to complete, but it’s on my to-do list! It will be completed soon!

My arrival was a bit early due to Judging School. I decided years ago after the convention in Sacramento that I needed to take this class and I’m glad I set it as a goal. While it’s nothing like learning how to grow plants, it’s ALL ABOUT learning to grow for show and I think that can be an important thing—especially OFF of social media.

Practice judging was a lot like the process we learned at the Gesneriad Society Convention in July.

It is scary to enter a plant in a show. I know because I did it up in Tacoma with some gesneriads. It saddens me that our region is not actively participating in shows, but I still hope that we will, and that others will understand the importance of seeing perfectly grown specimen plants that others have brought in to put on display. Sure, you can be snarky about this, and admittedly, I have been, but I will not deny how much I have learned as a horticulturist from seeing perfect to near-perfect plants in person.

These are not what you will find in a retail space, you can only find these in the homes of collectors who also happen to be talented amateur growers. Most professional growers simply do not have the time or energy to do this, but when you focus on plants at home, you can really hone your skills.

Of course I very much enjoyed the seed sowing seminar.

Seminars took up a lot of my time during my week in Atlanta. Alejandro Perez led a seed propagation session and it was the first I attended. It’s embarrassing to say that I kind of squeal a bit internally while in a room with others sowing seeds, but it gives me pleasure and joy. I have grown so many plants from seed, and I tend to do the act alone, but it just makes me happy to see others learning about and exploring the possibilities.

Time and time again I also find myself saying, “It takes patience—lots and lots of patience.”

A bench filled with lovely plants in one of the back houses at the Atlanta Botanical Garden.

There were tours too. I went one day to the Atlanta Botanical Garden and to the Atlanta History Center. I could have spent a lot more time at both and intend to do so when I return again. Atlanta is an amazing city and there is so much to see and do there.

The Smith Farm at the Atlanta History Center represents a working slaveholding farm in the Atlanta area from the time around the 1860s. This is the cabin of the enslaved people.

The Atlanta History Center was an amazing hub of culture. For me, the Smith Farm had a lot of meaning. The original farmhouse was built just before my relatives left from nearby states for Oregon Territory, after having lived in Georgia and South Carolina before, during, and after the American Revolution.

One side of my pioneer family wanted to make Oregon a slavery state, the other did not. I live with this as newcomers move to Oregon and discuss the racist past of the area, and I know that I am descended from some of the people who contributed to this legacy of hate. On the other hand, I’m also descended from the many people of the Mediterranean. This is what I can only say is the karma bestowed on my ancestors. During this trip I came to terms a bit more with being in-between. I’ve learned to be a bit more proud of the line that fought to birth the United States in the beginning. Thank you Alexander McAlpin for your service.

Ozzie Johnson did not disappoint.

My primary goal though was to be here for the hardy begonias and to spend more time with my “people” on the other coast to learn from what they’ve been up to. Ozzie’s talk was one that I was very excited to hear and I’m thrilled we had time to finally get to know one another more.

In addition to traveling overseas to collect plants to introduce here, either through collecting or with permission from nursery people, he’s been breeding hardy begonias for quite some time.

Ok, I may have run off with one of each of Ozzie’s new hybrid introductions.

At the end of his seminar, new hybrids of his were passed around. I will absolutely confess that I got greedy and made sure I had one of each. I’m also happy to add that they all made it home and are happily tucked in the garage now. I plan to grow them on and plant them in the spring when we warm up again. (Since these are trademarked plants I’m going to encourage their purchase by the nurseries where I work—of course!)

This is how I roll when I go on trips. Plants get thirsty too.

On one of the days I was able to go back to the Atlanta Botanical Garden at Gainesville. In addition to having a friend who once worked there, I’m familiar with their overseas collection and conservation program. Dan Hinkley has often collected overseas with Scott McMahan and Ozzie Johnson, and they’ve visited Portland a few times over the years. Last year I met my friend in the parking lot but I was unable to visit the garden because I was there to help them dig up plants on land they were in the process of selling. This year, I got to spend time seeing the facility. For a horticulturist who collects, propagates, and trials plants all of the time, it’s always a great experience to learn more about my craft from others who’ve been working at the same thing on a more advanced level for longer than I have been, and especially, in a different climate.

Maverick Tamayo from the Philippine Taxonomic Initiative, Inc.

Sadly, I did not get to see all of the programs, or go on all of the tours. I didn’t want to sit too much because of my spinal issues, and I had one swelling incident, so I rested for at least one day in my room. With a trip lasting that long, I needed to be careful.

A selection of begonia leaves collected by Scott McMahan of the Atlanta Botanical Garden by the side of the road in NE India. Scott gave a presentation about his May 2022 expedition to Arunachal Pradesh.

The other person I was excited to hear from at the convention was Scott McMahan. While we’d met very briefly a few times back in Portland, I’d actually never sat and listened to him present a talk about his overseas trips and conservation work. Having listened to other plant explorers, I have a new interest in all of this work since I’m working with many of the begonias and gesneriads at home and at work brought to market by our own regional overseas explorers.

Conservation is an interesting topic and I have a lot to learn about it at the international level. Having spent my life focussed on work done in my own region, namely for the sake of our rivers and salmon runs, I think it’s time for me to open up my sphere of interest a bit more.

Stopping to take a picture just before the plant sale closed.

Before the show was opened up to the conference attendees, we were able to shop for plants. I purchased many begonias that I had to care for as I travelled from state to state, but I don’t regret it a bit. In the end I think I only lost one plant in total. That’s not too bad!

Begonia ningmingensis var. bella was the big winner. Grown by Johanna Zinn, this shows you just how large one of these can grow in a nice large dome.

The American Begonia Society Convention was a wonderful show. It was not nearly as large and over-the-top as the only other one I’ve attended in Sacramento, but this was post-pandemic, so…

There were many amazing well-grown specimen plants though, and the Best-in-Show was this lovely Begonia ningmingensis var. bella.

Begonia ‘Mariana’s Monster’ hybridized by Mariana DiVita. This is a newer rex introduction and I was lucky enough to pick one up at the sale.

After the show, I stayed only for a short time on Saturday to see the talk given by Rekha Morris covering begonias in Costa Rica. I had to rush off to the airport to get a rental car and pack up quickly to be on the road by noon.

All in all, the convention was a wonderful experience and I encourage enthusiasts of all levels to attend conventions in the future. They’re worth the effort and cost if you’re an avid grower.

Additionally, I’m going to encourage all of you to participate with your local chapter and volunteer your time to contribute to our national plant societies. If we don’t get younger members, it will be a shame to see these groups disappear.

Posting pics and selling plants online is just not the same thing.

Sorry not sorry.

Wanderlust: Back Home to the PNW and the Smokey Skies of October

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Can I leave again now that I’m home? It feels strange just having returned after being away for 2 1/2 weeks but I’m still spinning and exhausted—and yet here I am planning other trips. Spending that much time enjoying plants, plant people, and gardens was a refreshing reward of sorts.

I’m going to suggest that this has something to do with several things at the same time, but mostly, I’m simply feeling better. Seeing and doing as much as I can means everything to me right now.

Packed up and headed for home after a 2 1/2-week trip to Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina.

When I tell people that I was ill for three decades, it’s difficult for them to understand. I took time away from this site to process the first wave of feelings after being given the new medication that’s seemingly making me so much more stable. It’s been a wonderful journey and I have 4 more months to go. I still pinch myself daily.

Travel preparations began just after my last post. I was working so hard that I just did not want to sit down to post anything. During the trip I waited, and waited, then travelled some more, and waited some more. Staying at peoples’ homes, I felt strange not spending time with them. Writing was out of the question.

Houseplants at the house of a friend in Rock Hill, South Carolina.

I plan to catch up on the posts I missed during the coming weeks. I really wanted to have 52 posts this year.

Footprint in the pavement in Rock Hill, South Carolina.

The trip covered 3 states and I saw many places and visited lots of different plant people. In the coming posts I’ll cover as much as I can. It all began at the American Begonia Society Convention in Atlanta, then I travelled to Rock Hill, SC, just outside of Charlotte, NC, and finally, I was in Raleigh, NC. There is still so much yet to see over there for me, and I will see it. I said I wasn’t going back right away, but it’s likely I’ll be over there again next year.

Smokey sky on my way to work in Canby yesterday.

Returning to work yesterday, I wasn’t quite sure how I would feel, or even what I would do. After being away, I dove straight into cleaning the place up. Funny how seeing lots of clean greenhouses can do that to a person. Mail-order has been a blessing and a curse during the last few years. While we’re selling a lot of plants, it means a lot of labor goes into the shipping and handling process.

What’s the longest plant trip you’ve ever dreamed up and done? This was by far my longest but it will not be my last.

Writing Afresh as Summer Wanes

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The pace of days is different now. Late summer glides into autumn as easily as I slide my summer-tanned feet back into warm wool slippers. My eyelids close and I feel chilled air on my skin.

I’m fruit, crisp, ripe on the vine.

Iris domestic (red form) at Rancho Cistus. I just potted up a few flats of seedlings from this plant in the garden.

Waiting much longer for harvest seems an impossibility. My birthday comes soon, and I will be older.

I may begin to rot if I wait much longer. Let’s pick all the fruits of our labors, retreat with them down below ground, into the dark, into ourselves, exploring spirits, dreams, stories—and the silence of the cold.

Soon enough there will be laughter and warmth around tables. Fire will burst forth in homes, and we’ll curl up like grubs, in our own underground. It’s inevitable, and I’m not one to resist the call of the wild, the rewards of each season, the cycle of friendship, family, and life.

Stachys albomentosa ‘Hidalgo’ at Secret Garden Growers. We’re working on making a few more.

The sun rises at 6:30am and sets before 8pm. I feel the clipped days right now. My eyes strain to see as I drive again in the dark. Sweater shopping is underway. There is a sense of urgency. The air smells different each day.

Figs from a clone of the tree members of my Sicilian family brought to the United States over 100 years ago. I know the current owner of one our family homes in SE Portland and was able to take cuttings of it a few years ago.

We’re entering the days of umbra and penumbra. Shadows lengthen and I feel a craving for books and words.

As a girl I read constantly, daily, unceasingly. Nowadays, I’m often too busy, but my life is changing, and I am too.

My priorities are shifting back as I continue to receive treatment for my blood condition. My mind is unwinding and I feel the water rocking me gently as I write again. There is a stillness and a calm as I meditate with ease.

My heart is beating slower, stronger.

Nerine filifolia at work out in Canby. Time to divide the stock plants.

I take deep and looooooooong breaths. Breathe. And for me, I mean it.

While still sensitive to smoke and wildfires, my chest is yet open, and my mind is a treasure chest of memories and feelings.

As I move in the greenhouses and garden, I remember things, movements reveal strings to memories. I’m feeling feelings left unfelt.

Seemania (aka Gloxinia) ‘Little Red’ out in Canby this week. I love this John Boggan hybrid.

I experience them all—then cut the cord, and let the memories drift away.

Like saying goodbye to an old friend, sometimes I hold them close for too long, kissing them hard, and I straighten out to see myself holding a plant I once loved, but it’s faded and gone.

The fading bloom from a Leucanthemum x superbum ‘Esther Reed’ at Secret Garden Growers. We will have more available soon.

In spring, we emerge, reborn, and fresh again.

Our feet will emerge again, soft and pink.

It Only Took 30 Years…

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This blog has been criticized in the past for being too personal, and to be honest, it was started because I couldn’t work, was too disabled to work, and I longed to be working outside, to be free, and to be healthy. My feelings and personal life were bound to leak in. And yet, somehow, creating this blog has led to many opportunities over the years.

Yucca rostrata ‘Sapphire Skies’ in the garden at Secret Garden Growers. This plant was selected from seed by my other employer and mentor Sean Hogan. It is so great to work in a community that appreciates the skills and accomplishments of one another.

I wanted to live with dignity. I had spent a long time working hard to receive an education, to find flexible employment, and to be creative. It’s been a slog keeping it all together. There is A LOT of ugly that I’ve had to pass through. Through it all, I’ve become stronger and wiser.

Felix was a bit chilled this last weekend when it was cooler. He enjoyed having the frost cloth made available to him.

Several weeks ago my life changed in a big way. I didn’t immediately announce anything here, and it will take nearly 6 more months until we see the full changes, but I’m happy, and my body is changing.

Finally, I’ve been given the right pill to help that which ails me. It’s a new medication. “ORLADEYO® (berotralstat) is a plasma kallikrein inhibitor indicated for prophylaxis to prevent attacks of hereditary angioedema (HAE).”

So far, it’s helping me. 

Streptocarpus UA Tiramisu.

It is difficult to not be angry about losing so many opportunities, and to have faced challenges I failed at, and to not like what illness has done to me physically, but I ran out of anger 11 years ago.

Eucomis ‘Sparkling Burgundy’ look great when planted in a large open bed with tons of sun.

My immunologist let me know that she’d be resubmitting a request for me to receive the new pill for my condition. It’s a very expensive treatment, and up until now, I was never ill enough for anything other than anabolic steroids and other meds that have acted like bandages.

I didn’t expect that I’d be approved immediately. Over the years, we’ve tried, and always had to resubmit, and I gave up any expectations.

So just to stay calm, I planned my trip ahead of time not knowing what would happen.

I wonder who the crazy lady is who lives here with all of the plants in her window…

I have a blood disorder and it causes me to swell, a lot. It has wrecked havoc on my life since I was 18 but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was nearly 30. No treatments have really helped, but we were able to reach the point where I could work in horticulture more and more. This has not been easy though.

Pelargonium ‘Xochi’ is a stunner.

There are no savings to take a month off, but I’m working like crazy so that I can go on a plant vacation soon. Right now, I’m adjusting to the new medication and I’m walking a lot at night to process how I feel. These last few months I’ve been flooded with emotions. I’ve had a lot of medical appointments leading up to this, all in the hopes that I’d gotten worse so we could prove somehow that I needed help.

We’ve been doing this for years, and it is not a process I’d recommend. This time, though, I got help.

Aristolochia fimbriata in the garden.

Overall though, I feel calm now. Swelling in all of us sets off alarm bells. I’m not dealing with that daily anymore. I’m taking one day at a time. I’m living in the present. I am enjoying a calm and quiet mind.

Yes, one of those Monstera deliciosa ‘Albo Variegata’ plants. I’m selling a few of these that I never got around to unloading after my LAST trip to California last fall. This is the most lovely one.

Each day now I’m just kind of letting things flow and I’m not pushing hard. I’m focussing on eating a large dinner so that the new pill won’t make me ill, and I’m sleeping a lot more. I am soooo tired.

I have fought so hard, and it has been a very lonely and isolating experience.

xGlokohleria rosea given to me by my friend Derek.

There is time up ahead to spent with my dad, I’m getting the garden under control before I leave, and I’m making plans with friends. I love and adore those who’ve been by my side for so long. They’ve helped me so much, and so often.

Seemania ‘Little Red’ aka Gloxinia ‘Little Red’.

At work I’m paying attention to the plants, but I’m also trying to notice if there are any changes I’m experiencing that I should tell my medical team about. No one is certain how this will change my other conditions. I’m hoping my lungs are better, and that some of the circulatory issues improve, but we need to wait and see.

In the meantime, I’m trying to buy more clothing and take care of me. I don’t know what I will do next.

“You shall not pass!!” Felix blocking Alfie from crawling up into his personal private area in the Seed Studio.

Spending time with the cats at home is kind of what I focus on now. I’m working so hard so I can travel and live my life, but I miss the cats a lot when I am not here.

This last weekend Felix, Alfie and I started to sort out the Seed Studio a bit for an HPSO Open Garden this next weekend. (It is Saturday and Sunday from 10-3 if you’re local.) I’m not at all ready for it, but I will do it anyway.

I seriously cannot believe that I’m at this point in my life.

I have cried so many times about not getting the medical help that I needed, and now, here I am, at 48, finally getting some help. They made the process for approval very easy and I was told that they were aware stress could cause problems for my health, and that they wanted to alleviate that.

Seems like something I would have loved to have heard for decades.

Me on a good day. Not all days right now feel this good. But this day, it was nice.

It only took 30 years, but here I am, unsure of what I’ll want to do next, but at least I have finally been given the medical opportunity I’ve waited so long for…

Monthly Top 10 Plants at Campiello Maurizio (August 2022)

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Ok, let’s do a plant post! I’m writing posts more often, so I should have started monthly posts like this back in January, but I didn’t, so I will now. It’s not like I don’t have enough plants, I think many just have not looked nice enough but I’m over that. The garden has looked pretty nice all summer other than my piles of unplanted things.

But that’s a whole other post…

Acanthus mollis ‘Hollard’s Gold’. This baby is parked on a little island in my back garden. I purchased it at Xera Plants at least a year or two ago.

1.) Acanthus mollis ‘Hollard’s Gold’

I kind of avoided Acanthus for fear of it eating the back garden, but then I was talked into this golden from since it’s allegedly not as vigorous. Well, so far, it’s been very well behaved and that flower stalk has lasted for months. It just won’t stop and it makes for a lovely display. I’m even ok with it spreading a bit more. There is only a small walkway behind it and I am tired of the weedy low Dicentra cultivar that’s been there. I blooms, looks great, and then it’s ratty and fried for the rest of the summer.

Aspidistra elatior ‘Asahi’. I planted this plant last year and it’s not yet fully established in the north walkway border.

2.) Aspidistra elatior ‘Asahi’

When I first started working at Secret Garden Growers I divided some of these plants. What settled into the pots was quickly sold, and there were no more left for me to purchase. When I divided some more, that second time I made sure to grab one for myself. While this doesn’t look like much, blame the gardener in this case, and not the plant. I kind of let this one get gobbled up by some weeds all of last summer so it’s only now really coming into its own. I was thrilled to see this white tip emerge just recently. (And yes, I will apply some Sluggo soon.

Columnea schiedeana. This is one of my gesneriads that’s really been putting on a show this summer. It hangs above my hammock in the living willow arbor.

3.) Columnea schiedeana

Gesneriads can take years to grow out from small starts. As they grow, you need to take addition cuttings to add to their containers just to bulk them up a bit. Little by little this work will pay off for you, but it requires a great deal of patience and skill. At any point, it’s not unusual for one of these to croak on you. In this climate, keeping them happy enough for this long takes some finesse so seeing this plant in full bloom right now makes all of the fussing worth it. I think this one came from a member of our Gesneriad Society chapter, Mt Hood Gesneriad Society.

Darlingtonia californica with other hardy carnivorous plants. These plants are in a plant bog planter on the south side of my house.

4.) Darlingtonia californica

While this little patch of Darlingtonia doesn’t look like a lot, they are the newest babies that have grown off of my older little colony. I started with one purchased colony from Sarracenia Northwest and then as second group came along when I was able to grow some from seed. Of all of the hardy carnivorous plants, these are my favorite.

It breaks my heart though to have seen poaching of them in Southern Oregon in the wild this last year. It’s one of my favorite native plants and I hope that you can see why. Please, if you want one, purchase them only from growers who are growing crops in cultivation. It’s my hope that eventually, I’ll be able to sell a few, but with this being of low priority, don’t expect those to be available from me anytime soon.

Lobelia tupa-orange. This is one that I was waiting for after having seen in in the garden at Heronswood. It can be purchased from Dan Hinkley’s Windcliff if you’re able to get to that location. They don’t do mail order.

5.) Lobelia tupa – orange

Well, this should look more orange I think. I haven’t had the time to compare it to the photos I have from Heronswood, but I will be patient with it. While it is not as red as the straight species, I don’t think that this division (what I can only assume it is) is as orange as the ones I saw when I fell in love with it there. This plant needs room and sunshine. I’ve sort of allotted it a nice spot in the garden. Even if the color is mediocre, I am sure that I will forgive the meh factor. This is a great species plant no matter what and I might just accept it. I have waited so long to have it here, it is a relief to see it in bloom.

Mahonia eurybracteata ‘Cistus Silvers’. Still in a container, this plant will get it’s own special location soon.

6.) Mahonia eurybrachteata ‘Cistus Silvers’

Well, here we finally have a lovely plant from Cistus Nursery that was grown by me. Seeds are sown at work by me (after I clean the berries) and only the best seedlings are selected out from the nursery crops. Our parent plants are planted in the garden. Sean is of course in charge of making all of the best selections but it’s a process I’ve most certainly learned from over the years.

This last year I’ve been better about planting my “babies” out in my own garden, and this was a plant I just knew I had to have at home.

Nicotiana sylvestris. I call this Nicotiana sylvestris ‘Badunkadunk’ but that is not its technical name. It is basically a reseeding annual.

7.) Nicotiana sylvestris

Not sure where the original seeds came from for this plant, but it’s been in my garden for years now. I just let it pour out seeds each year and it is enough for me to pick a few to keep once they germinate in the spring. Nicotiana always makes me think of Grandma Virginia. I keep talking about her own reseeding patch of the jasmine tobacco (Nicotiana alata), but I’ve not yet been able to establish a patch of it. But this, well, it has its spot on the south side of the house.

It’s part of the white theme I have to give off a bit of the whitecaps allusion. It’s the only theme I sort of keep in the garden. This area is part of the Venetian area so of course I need to have a theme to tie all of the garden areas together here. (The back garden is about my childhood and being in my raft beneath the native willows over the creek.)

Phygelius ‘Snow Queen’.

8.) Phygelius Croftway™ Snow Queen PP18366 or Phygelius ‘Crosnoque’

Whatever the name (see above), this Phygelius is a beauty. It’s also planted in the south side garden along with the Nicotiana sylvesteris. It’s my whitecap plant that blooms almost all summer long, and the gondola (hammock) is behind it.

This plant is very low maintenance. I need to water it and chop it back to keep it fresh, but that’s how some perennials need to be treated and that’s it. Freshening up with a nice chop is also how we make so many plants in containers look good. Not all plants need a nice chop at all, but it is a thing and I tent to enjoy it more now than ever.

It’s just that cherry on top of it all I guess when the plants grow back nicely filled in with fresh foliage.

Pittosporum divaricatum. This shrub is in my front garden, the most xeric portion of the property.

9.) Pittosporum divaricatum

Many years ago I had my first Open Garden with The Hardy Plant Society of Oregon. I had not been working at Cistus Nursery for very long, and I had not been strong for long after two rather invasive surgeries, so friends stepped in to help me. Sean and my former coworker John from Cistus suggested this Pittosporum divaricatum and I’m really glad that they did. It’s a beauty.

With so many great foliage plants at Cistus, I’m sad sometimes that I’ve not planted more of the unusual ones that we have to offer. I keep trying to add more of them, but if only I’d planted them all back when I started all of this I’d be so much happier now with how things look.

If you’re just starting out and want a great garden, and not just a good one, make sure to add some absolutely stunning foliage plants. These will be the bones of your garden throughout the year and you can use clippings from them in arrangements too. I love that I can make wreaths from mine.

The fun (and the hard work) never ends!

Punica granatum ‘Nana’. This older large shrub of mine greats folks near the sidewalk. I look forward to its cheerful color each summer.

10.) Punica granatum ‘Nana’

Back in the first days here at this house I ordered seeds for this small shrub. I know now that they are not supposed to be great from seed, and that most are propagated from cuttings, but this one worked out from seed for me. It was great for many years, and then I kind of neglected the front garden, then it was great again, then I neglected it again, but now it is back and it looks great this year. It’s a low water plant but it does better with some regular irrigation. Sadly, this is not the climate for growing pomegranate fruit, so I am not disappointed that I cannot eat lots of its fruit, but this is the climate for growing beautiful ornamental pomegranates so I suggest that you try one if you like them as much as I do. If I had more space, I would plant a larger one. There are several great ornamental cultivars.

How to Do “Cozy” in the Garden

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In my last post I showed where the willow tunnel once was that was my safe and happy place as a kid. Well, it’s funny that I essentially recreated that space and feeling in my own back garden. This only came to my attention when a woman came to an Open Garden a few months ago. It was not the original concept, but it has morphed into it as I’ve needed that space in my life again during the last 10 years.

I was kind of stunned when she walked in and understood me immediately. “You design cozy. You made this space cozy. How do you do that with plants?”

I stood there stunned.

For months I’ve wanted to include a photo of the creek just so I could write here that I’m more of a storyteller than a garden designer, and I AM a dreamer too. This is why I don’t design for other people—not unless they have a story to tell.

I can help anyone with dramatizing a feeling or a memory with plants, but I can’t do matchy-matchy.

I designed most of my garden around feelings, and safe spaces from my childhood. It’s likely why I feel so awkward when adults are here, but coming to realize this, it’s all kind of fun now.

Yes, I do design cozy! I’m going to stick to it too.

Then there are all of the plants. The number of unusual plants is an improvement upon my childhood. I now have my library of seedlings, a revolving collection, and a jungle full of sounds and creatures. Sometimes it feels like the stories of the plants are all alive around me, and yes, of course my plants all have stories of their own.

I tried to keep some of my favorites nearby this summer, but it’s never just the right way. I’m always moving things around.

I’m still happiest with a cat in the “boat” with me—just like when I was a girl. Like Maurice before him, Felix is fond of the hammock. He jumps up to snuggle with me.

My books now are mostly on my phone since I listen to them.

Yes, this is cozy in the garden.

I just about lost my mind when I saw the community garden plot this week. My husband wanted to be “in charge” and clearly, uh, someone had to come and discuss what to do next. We’re now growing summer/fall crops. I’m in charge again and he has promised to listen this time.

We will see how that goes.

It is funny how much better I felt after John cleared out this mess. I felt lighter.

Maybe even a bit more confident, and yes, kind of happy.

It almost felt like I knew what to do and got it done quickly.

I came home and cozied up outside.

The last supermoon of 2022 was tonight and I went for a long walk. I’ve been doing that a lot for the last month. It’s been a good thing. Walking is good for so many reasons.

Just seems like everything is aligning well right now.

I wanted to write about cozy this week and looked up the origins of the world last weekend on my phone before falling asleep.

And maybe a superstar has a hit on her hands, and it’s called Cozy too. (That showed up on the top of my search.) Synchronicity.

Again, the stars seem so be aligning.

And yes, I design “garden cozy”—with plants, and I’m a storyteller.

The Garden Gayle Grew

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Some time ago we visited this garden. It’s the only family home I’ve ever known other than the fishing “villa” at the coast. Mom and Dad built both homes, and Mom designed them both. I grew up here.

Yes, it was a charmed childhood.

This addition was added when I was a bit older. I envy the large covered porch area a lot.

In the case of this house, she also physically helped to build it. My mom is not shy with power tools and hammers. I was a toddler when she was working on finishing touches, but throughout my childhood, this was the 4th child. There was always something going on and there were many shenanigans with my two older brothers.

There were additions too, and various projects. It never seemed to end between the house and the garden—and us kids. There was always something going on.

I used to run around here with my cat Cleo in a baby carriage. She was the best cat. I know so few who’d tolerate that kind of thing.

To me this was my playground, my reading room, and my badminton court. We had parties here, we played so many games, slept outdoors, and played in the creek.

Dad was often away on business trips, fishing all over the region, in Alaska, BC, and for many years he visited Chile on a regular basis. So many authors stayed here too, or just visited. It was a busy and buzzing place. (Dad was a publisher.)

Unknown rose, she needs to look for a tag.

There are so many memories in a garden that’s decades old, and so many stories. People often ask if I learned to garden here, and to be honest, I really didn’t.

Mom did her own thing.

I was the child asking the never-ending why and how questions. This had me being sent off elsewhere. I usually ended up with my paternal grandmother and her neighbor. Asking them my strange questions worked well, and they showed me things that I needed to learn.

Mom pointing and asking me for the name of a plant.

But Gayle was entertaining. She kept me busy dragging me to nurseries. With no computers back then, I could spend a lot of time reading plant labels and learning about plants. We were rich with great plant shopping opportunities then, but it wasn’t as great as it is now.

Looking back I was bit of a sickly kid. I know now why. I often hid indoors and read a lot. My grades and getting into a great college mattered a lot to me. I would have loved to have had a little corner to myself, but when I gardened I kept potted plants, and they were in my treehouse.

There were houseplants too, but I often killed them.

Mom is 80 now and keeps up the garden mostly on her own. She’s a very strong and determined woman.

The spot where my treehouse once stood.

Long ago this was where my treehouse stood. Built for my brothers, I was the last occupant. Than one morning when I was 20 I woke up late and Mom was down in the garden with a chainsaw, cutting it all down. Today, there is this lovely sitting area there.

I think it was a nice change.

Where we played with our toy dump trucks and Hot Wheels.

This is the rockery. It is full of shade and always kind of was but in the 1970s Mom knew that a rockery was popular, so we had one.

This is where all of my questions began, and where I planted the space with plants in my mind when I was young.

I can’t remember when she decided to add on to the kitchen. That was a later addition but it makes looking out at the creek wonderful year round.

Mom always gardened with plants in mind that would not grow in the conditions she had and that’s the sad truth. But it kept her busy, and she regularly moved things around, or else replaced them.

Busy, busy, busy.

My badminton court.

She did well with what she had, but I always had other ideas. I mostly kept those to myself though and I dreamed of the day someday in the future when I would own my own home, and I could be free to do what I wanted—whatever that was…

I had a lot of dreams. Mom would have told you that I was a dreamer.

Where the native willow tunnel once grew.

When I was a kid, that area across the creek had large native willows, and they draped over the water. They created a kind of a tunnel, and I tied up my raft in there, with my books, and a radio. (Sometimes, I even had a cat with me.)

I would hide in there from my life and I would dream while the willows wrapped around me. It was my cozy safe place.

My childhood refuge. Couldn’t escape out of that window!

The other quiet place was my room. That dormer up there on the second floor was mine. It had a lovely view of the huge Doug fir, and I loved to watch it sway but was afraid of it during windstorms.

My other window looked out towards this camellia but when I was a girl, there was a native dogwood, a Cornus nuttalii. It was lost in an ice storm and I cried and cried. It broke my little heart since it (to my mind) was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

A shady sitting area in the front of the house.

Amongst the garden plants in Mom’s garden are a few oddballs. This Vitis coignetiae is one of them. Over the years though, she’s mostly simplified things. If a plant is too fussy, or doesn’t meet her performance standard, then out it goes.

She keeps nurseries in business.

For the love of foliage…

This vine though was one of the handful of plants she bought at Cistus Nursery long before I worked there. It was back when I first started to shop there.

She has it and a few other unusual vines that I still need to ID.

This was the lab where I grew, and I was safe in Mom’s space because she was vigilant.

I think that many mothers would love to be able to afford this kind of space and life for their children.

I can only say how grateful I am for it. If I’d had children, I would have wanted this for them too.

Wet A** Plants: To Be Plant Positive!

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I’m in a consensual relationship with my hoses. I suppose the hoses at both of my jobs consent too, but OMG, the disagreements we have and the neediness of the plants. It’s like they will DIE if I don’t do something for them. Talk about learned helplessness. I HATE being an enabler, but it’s my life. I’ve slowly been growing a career (of sorts) by keeping the little babes alive and well. But they’re thirsty—so thirsty trapped in their little containers. It’s key to keep them happy though, to live another day, and to keep them ALL looking perfect-o!

Sure, it’s an artificial system to grow plants in containers. It’s just as artificial as any other relationship we humans have with virtually anything else other than other humans, but hey, these are crops we’re talking about, inventory, so that makes this business!!!

This is the game I play during the summertime and sometimes I feel like I’m hanging on mentally by a thread. But I’m a team player and THIS, this is my sport, and it’s an endurance sport.

Only a few more days of extra heat around here. This honestly isn’t too bad, but the duration has been for a week.

As much as I love plants, and as meaningful as they are to the life I’ve made with them over the last few decades now, sometimes I feel like I want a divorce.

But maybe this is just my dramatic and operatic way of life. Yes, that’s it.

Seems likely since the climax of the year for me is just about now, and then we swing back down into the cool comfort of fall.

Before watering, after watering.

Something I learned during the heat dome experience of 2021 was the power of simply wetting down the floors and walls of greenhouses. We do this at both nurseries in the greenhouses when we have extreme heat and it makes a difference. How often it’s done depends upon the temps.

You might think that we water the plants all day but at such high temps you can actually steam the roots. That’s a great way to kill plants! While it’s good for my asparagus harvest, it’s not so great for my ornamentals. Nom nom.

It seems like keeping them happy is a bit of an exact science tweaked by each nursery owner to fit the conditions of where plants are in their nurseries. I love the like microclimates created by benches, under benches, on a rack, under a rack, in this corner, or that one—it all depends upon where the sun is and at what time of day. Game on growers!

And this my friends is horticulture!

Me, yesterday, after standing under the overhead sprinklers. I dislike this experience most months but this time of the year I feel like a kid again and the water dump scene from the movie Flashdance seems fresh and new all over again.

As for tolerating high temps, I have a lot of environmental and food allergies, but my pale skin rather loves the feel of sun. As I age, the cold weather seems to cause a lot more pain than the heat. I guess I truly understand the snowbird phenomenon now. I physically understand it well.

Skin issues are kind of a thing in my family—especially for Dad and I.

But thank goodness I don’t have the rare allergy my great-uncle Fritz did. He was allergic to his own sweat and it was a challenge for him to work in produce with his family.

But I also like to say, “My pale skin betrays me. I’m Sicilian when it comes to my heat tolerance.”

So at least I have that.

My Rhododendron sinogrande is my biggest water baby back at home when it gets too hot.

My home garden was created with intentional watering zones. The areas where I spend the most time are watered the most. Out in front of the house is the driest zone. Each area differs quite a bit.

Sure, I expect folks to mention that they’d think I’d have irrigation, but it would be so complicated when I tend to use my chainsaw to edit (and add light) and change so much. In addition to my rearranging everything often, I’m one of those people who would break her own irrigation system too. I’m careless that way. I’m so goal driven sometimes I overlook the obvious dumb things.

Oops I dug in the wrong spot!

Maybe if my garden were larger I’d think about installing one, but it’s not. Maybe someday. I’d actually like to have that challenge. It tickles my virgo brain to organize things so it would be right up my alley.

Felix and Alfie. While Felix trusts that the sprinkler will not change direction to dump water on him, Alfie is still not so trusting.

So currently I have the indoor plants, the light garden plants, the propagated indoor plants for sales, the outdoor plants, the seedlings, the seeds to collect, the regular planted garden areas, the expected as-of-yet unplanted plants—and some plants at work!!!!

Columnea schiedeana in the garden tonight.

“Yeah, sure I’d love to hang out with you but I have to stay home and get some plant work done.”

“No, I can’t. I have to water.”

Oh! How unhealthy these relationships are and yet we enter into them anyway…

Some thigh and a mess of plants with a Begonia ‘Gryphon’ shining bright. Ok, maybe not as bright as my thigh but I’d like to think that you see the plant first lol.

Sure, I complain a lot now—after two separate weeks of vacation—and I’ll be leaving for another 2 1/2 weeks in the fall, but I’m ok. This is all consensual. I can say NO and leave at any time.

Yeah, I know, that’s not gonna happen.

See you next week!

A Few Days Away from Nursery Work and the Garden: Camping with Dad in Eastern Oregon

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Last week I was away with Dad in Eastern Oregon. Most of our days were spent alone in a rustic campground along the South Fork of the John Day River. It’s been years since I’d done this and it was a much needed break.

Dad and I going out into the middle of nowhere together is kind of hilarious. Neither of us is very healthy, and yet combined, we did great. Day after day we had a few laughs about the whole thing. At any minute he could have a fatal heart issue, and me, well, my swelling can become so severe my throat could close. And yet, neither of us was anxious about these things at all since we’d both planned so well. Besides, going out there always reminds us of our pioneer roots.

We didn’t do much during that whole week. Dad has a routine so we stuck to that as much as we could. We sort of tried to fly fish, but Dad is much weaker now after an infection he had after a stay in the hospital a few years ago. This meant that we mostly just ate, read, drove around, walked a bit, talked and slept.

With my current state of exhaustion I was pretty focussed on rest and figuring out how to manage my upcoming work and personal goals. I spent a lot of time just meditating on things. I rested on a cot and dozed off daily. I watched the clouds. I closed my eyes to listen to the wind, and I wandered all over looking at plants to get the blood and brain flowing again.

We really had no plans before we left other than to get me over to the Cedar Grove Botanical Area in the Malheur National Forest. It’s a unique grove of Alaskan yellow cedar (Callitropsis nootkatensis formerly Cupressus nootkatensis) that really shouldn’t be there. It’s a unique island of trees left over from a period long ago. While I am just briefly describing it, I hope to return to see it again with friends. Then I can write more about it. (Defiantly go though if you’re curious! It’s worth the adventure!)

On the way back up to the car I found this Cypripedium montanum. It’s been a summer of native orchids I guess since we saw so many of them a few weeks ago on Mt Hood too. This was a pleasure to find as I climbed back up to the car from the grove down below.

The hike was not exactly easy for me. I left Dad in the car and was worried about him so I rushed. When I returned, panting, of course he was happily resting watching a field of butterflies.

Back at the campground we both agreed over and over that we’d not seen a stream so untouched by pollution and people in a long time. The plants at the edges were diverse. It was a bit like an ideal stream from long ago.

The area where we were is named after a man who was once Director of the Oregon Department of Fish & Wildlife. When Dad was young, he knew the name from published fish reports, and later, as a young business man, he got to know him better. One of the many stories from Dad’s life that I’d never heard anything about until then. Did I mention Dad talked a lot? Lol. It was wonderful to learn so much more about a man I already feel so close to.

It was touching to both of us to know we were staying in a location named after someone he’d admired. The area is part of a statewide program of conservation. This cheered Dad up a bit. To see our fisheries being cared for so far away from the more densely populated parts of the state gave us both some hope. I do love Oregon.

Yes, I was happy there. I was happy not having a shower. I was happy writing. It was nice to read. Better yet, I loved to have some time with Dad to discuss our lives and how we feel about where we are in life.

Both of us have had our struggles. It means a lot to me to have him in my life, and I’m grateful for the friendship we’ve had since I was little.

Wish I’d brought some ID’ing books with me, but nah. I could do this in the heat all day. (It was very hot during our days there.) It was nice to be unplugged.

I had the tent, and Dad had the lovely nice mattress in the Jeep, but the open sky, we shared.

As someone who hasn’t camped in many years, waking up at 3am to the moonrise each night made me happy. There is something very romantic about the night sky and I’d forgotten this and just how much it means to me to see the sky and to fall asleep wishing upon shooting stars.

Gesneriad Society Convention, 2022 (Tacoma, WA)

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For me the event began on the 4th of July. As usual, I was behind schedule, so I planted plants and watered the garden all morning and into the afternoon. I then loaded up the Jeep to head north and was excited to have a “working vacation” for the rest of the week!! Woohoo!!

Felix and Oliver helping me to plant more plants and weed before I left.

It’s not the kind of working vacation where I’m paid to go though. For me at least, this is more a continuing education as a horticulturist and it was important for me to learn as much as I could since I’m a chapter president too. I needed some guidance! I mean, I always do, right? The work really involved getting all of those plants to the sale while they still looked great. We wanted our goods to go to market and we wanted people to WANT them. I mean that’s what this is all about. WANT!!

Just a few of the 12 flats of plants I brought up for the sale from our Mt Hood chapter.

We also earned some money by being a local chapter that grew a lot of plants for the sale. We weren’t sure if they’d sell, but we took the call to propagate seriously and I wanted any funds back that I could earn to pay for the whole thing. (Yes, going to a convention is NOT cheap but you can do it if you plan wisely and share travel and hotel costs with a friend or two.)

To improve as a grower, and just out of curiosity, I decided to sign up for judging school. In all honestly, I’m thrilled that I did! While I’ve grown and cleaned many crops of plants at both nurseries, I’ve not yet grown to “show” and it’s a thing.

Lots of houseplant folks do this so that they can impress others online, but I think it means a lot more to have the guts to show in public. I enjoy competition, but I like for it to be fair, and I don’t think that social media or the internet is fair at all. A flower show, well, it can be if you know what you’re doing. Anybody can do it.

Culturally, it’s not something we seem to enjoy as much out here on the west coast, but I wish we could get more into it. I ended up just seeing the whole things as one of my favorite philosophical exercises.v”What is the Platonic ideal form of this plant?” It was not nearly as bad as I had expected it would be, and in truth, I had a lot of fun. By questions the plants, there was a lot of discussion about how plants grow, and that just tickled this horticulturist’s little soil-encrusted heart.

Good thing I met folks from the other chapters too so maybe I can join a show in Seattle or San Francisco sometime. That is the rough part about being accepted as a student judge. I have to participate to do and learn more.

Our example from a practice judging. We were given random sale plants to score and I learned a lot with the help of a more advanced judge going over the process with me.

Learning to follow the sheets for the different categories was an important practice run too. I’m so glad we did this and went over our sheets with the entire judging group so as to discuss different points. Being in person doing so was a huge help.

After that second session I took a test later in the day but I still don’t if I passed. I hope so! Even so, if I did, I will only be a student judge and I will have that status for a few years. (I plan to take the same class in Atlanta at the end of September at the Begonia Society convention too. Seems only fitting to compare how the two different groups do it.)

Back in the room I saw that there were two plants from another member of our group that I wanted to keep to buy. The one on the left is a Gloxinia perennis and the one on the left is a Kohleria hybrid developed by Derek Johnson now name Kohleria ‘Hummingbird Feather’. (More on them below.)

I kept taking flat after flat down to the plant sale room since that’s the big draw at the end of the week for participants as well as the public a day later. It was a relief once that was all wrapped up.

The next day I took a break in the afternoon to relax a bit and calm down. I went for a walk to see the W. W. Seymour Conservatory in Wright Park. It had been closed for renovations the last few times I’d been in the area so it was a lot of fun to see it open again. I even bought myself some jewelry to support their program. I just couldn’t stand the thought of buying a plant at that point. I really don’t need any more.

The handiwork of a new friend from the Puget Sound chapter. He sat in on talks during the event whipping little crafty things up with ease. I could never do this with my hands. I admire those who can.

Part of the convention is also networking and sharing stories about what you grow, where you grow, and who you are and what floats your boat. This part if fun for me. I love people if they’re nice, so I met lots of folks! (Turns out lots of plant geeks are super nice.)

Some of them I’ve only seen online, and I made several new friends from the Puget Sound chapter so I’m excited that we can join forces soon. I don’t know what that will look like, but I like the idea of us sharing resources and maybe having a combined show and/or sale.

On Thursday my friend Evan joined me and before we knew it we were plant show participants. A friend had seen the plants I’d kept in my room and he said they were “show quality” plants. Well, honestly, that was good to know. I had no idea.

Then another friend said that they’d like more entries, so I mentioned I might have some.

Well, it turns out, that was a great idea! Evan and I learned the process of cleaning and trimming the plants to make them look perfect, and Derek, the actual grower and hybridizer of one of the plants, was given some much deserved credit for his skills.

We had to wait though to find out. Judging occurs the day after the plants are entered, and the awards are not announced right away.

The sale came next on Thursday but it was late at night. This photo only shows half of the room! Of the many flats I brought up to the convention, I came home with only 1/2 a flat left. I was thrilled we did so well.

I was also thrilled to have spent so much money buying a lot more plants to divide and sell and also to share with our chapter. I really hope that we can begin to have a regular plant sale somewhere in town. It would be so nice to have a set regular schedule and routine for the group again. These last few years have been rough but Zoom has been good for the group nationally.

On Friday Evan and I went to Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium to see the gardens but I will post about it separately. That day was quite a lot of fun, but a bit off topic for the conference.

Another benefit was having a McMenamins up the street from the hotel. While I loved where we stayed, my mast cell activation disease and asthma did not like the fragrance that they poured into the lobby. This meant that I could not socialize in the bar and going into the lobby meant running through it as quickly as possible.

I also cannot buy hotel food made in a banquet facility. My black pepper allergy makes that a serious crap shoot so I brought a lot of my own food with me and I supplemented it up the street at the pub. (I also had Japanese food a few times to round out my diet.)

On our second trip to McMenamins we knew we’d won something, and we tried to eat and run, but we returned to the awards banquet a bit late. In the end, it didn’t matter. No matter what, the three of us had won 2 blue ribbons for the plants.

Having known Derek for several years now, it means a lot to me to be a mentor and a student of his. I know talent, and I also know that many of us need to lift others up in horticulture when we see talent occurring. It happened to me, it still happens to me, and it’s what I need to do when I see it near me as well. Derek works with me, Evan used to work at Cistus Nursery, so in a weird way this was also a Team Cistus win. Heck, even Evan helps me all the time with ID work and others topics that we talk through. I am so happy that others there helped us to help Derek. The whole thing was just so amazing and it could not have happened any other way.

Then we stayed late and kept buying plants until the plant sale ended. We helped to clean it up. We met more people. We talked to more friends. Then we went our separate ways and drove home…

Of course I’m skipping a lot. I came home feeling revived, rejuvenated, and like I have a better understanding of what my role should be as a chapter president. I feel better supported too. Networking helped me to better know the folks I need to reach out to when I have questions. I kind of came out of nowhere when I stepped up to lead our chapter, and as of right now, no one else wants the job so I will keep at it until another volunteer wants to swap with me. Boy, I bet I am really selling you on membership right now.

Felix was happy to have his woman home.

So in closing, I still very much believe in plant societies that meet in person and which are the good old-fashioned ones. Why? Well, they really do have conservation and educational interests. There are people involved from many fields, and it’s a group effort, not just a pseudo celebrity influencer that I’m sitting and listening to as their captive audience, a number, a follower, just another passive number.

While there were not many horticulturists, there were more of us than I’d thought there would be, and we had a few professors. Most were hobbyists, but it was a community that felt a lot more like it had some purpose and direction with people coming from different parts of the country.

It was a ton of fun, and yes, if you’re wondering, you’ll likely find me there next year in Virginia.

For the Love of Seeds

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Sometimes I miss the early days of this blog and my life here at home playing with my own plants. With my bed nearby in the house I could crawl in and sleep, and my cats were always by my side. Back then I had little to no income, and my parents provided the monthly payments for the roof over our heads after my first husband and I married.

I wasn’t well and I was a mess.

Seseli gummiferum, or moon carrot, in the island rock garden at Cistus Nursery last week. I grew this plant from seed and we collect from it for crops of it.

I came into all of this with some serious privilege, but I was humiliated by it to the core of my being. I wanted nothing more than to be on my own and to be as strong as I could possibly be, and it is funny now to look back at how I got to feeling like this today. I’m proud of the journey and grateful for those I’ve met who’ve helped me.

But today, after 5 years, I’ve finally been released from physical therapy, and for me, this is a huge milestone. I will always deal with chronic ongoing pain from injuries sustained during two falls down stairs, but in a sense, this is yet another new beginning. I feel tonight like I get to try again at a few things.

Harvesting the Stipa barbata at Cistus Nursery this week.

But it is a struggle to earn a living doing what I do in the way that I do it. I have to do it this way because I’m still kind of handicapped although I don’t say that often. Nowadays my heart is filled with so much happiness and pleasure from being able to live as I need to live that I feel badly when I talk to friends and they’re feeling low.

My life though is always growing, changing, blooming, drying, being harvested, and germinated all over again. It keeps morphing into different things. I too am growing, changing, blooming, aging, and one day I will be gone like many of the thousands of plants that I’ve germinated.

Like my cats, I guess I needed routine.

My life revolves around seeds.

That’s pretty much the way it has been, is, and will be.

Digitalis lanata in the garden this week. The blooms are fading and I’ll have seeds soon.

Last year I closed my online seed shop on a popular site. It hurt to do so, but the company had advertised my goods on a third party site and I was flooded with people who didn’t understand that many of my seeds were not easy to grow. I couldn’t weed out the difficult customers, they wasted my time by repeatedly telling me they wanted all of their money back after telling me again and again that they had not followed the directions.

Next time around my shop policies will be stronger and clearly stated.

NOT MY PROBLEM. No Returns. Read the descriptions AND the directions next time.

Ferns grown from spores. I won’t be selling spores, but I encourage you to attempt this if you’ve extremely patient.

It was a time suck, and I’m not good at customer service when customers are NOT understanding that I’m a woman working hard, under unusual circumstances, to do what I do. I work more than full-time between the nurseries, seed sales, plants sales, and garden coaching/design work.

At the time that I closed the old shop, I knew I’d open a shop again, but it would be my own site. While I have not yet reached that goal, it will happen this fall. Once again, I will be selling seeds. They will be in small batches, but they will be fresh, harvested here at home, or they’ll be from gardens I know, or from friends’ gardens.

I really miss being a seed seller.

A chance seedling at work. When I first began at Cistus Nursery I tried to grow all of the seeds I found just so that I could learn. I collected batches of random Abutilon seeds just to see if there’d be a hybrid of some kind. Well, it turns out, this has been the only one. I asked to name her Abutilon ‘Victorian Vamp’. We should have many more of these ready to sell next spring.

Observing, collecting, and cleaning, can be a lot of fun if you’re like me. It can also be tedious if you’re not like me. Potting up my babies, after seed batches have germinated and been grown on for a bit, is empowering. It’s a skill that comes to us from the center of our being.

Sure, I don’t grow lots of food from seed, but my skills come to me from my relatives who worked on their own farms, or whom toiled on leased land. I spend my days feeling connected to their lives, and to the rhythm of my own.

Aristolochia sempervirens on the fence and up close while in bloom this week. This plant is one of the first that I grew large batches of at Cistus Nursery.

Moving forward I will continue to learn. I will continue to grow during ensuing seasons. Sometimes crops will fail, but it is life, and that is to be expected.

And while I don’t hybridize plants often, I’m learning from friends who do, and I intend to work harder at that since it’s not so difficult for me. I just need to try more often. And I intend to work harder to pollinate and collect seeds from rare and unusual plants in my own collection in an effort to better understand, share, and conserve them.

Seeds matter.

So let’s start the process all over again and stay on track.

Reap what you sow.